A friend called me last night to tell me that his wife had just passed away that morning, after a long fight with cancer. I am going over there today but I dont know what to say to him!
2007-02-23 01:05:04 · 18 answers · asked by Ernie R 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
dont say im sorry!!!
my brother died last year and i actually felt awkward cos i knew people didnt know what to say to me and i didnt know what to say to them but dont say im sorry cos that just wound me up! lol
just be there for him and ask him if he wants to talk about anything and if he needs help with anything like shopping,...ect.
just tell him to call u if he ever needs to chat...ect, he will appreciate that.
just say what a lovely woman his wife was...ect.
good luck!
2007-02-23 01:08:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell the person that you give your condolences and do not try to say too much, but just express how much that person also meant to you, so you also share in the loss. This will make your friend feel better that you are sharing in his sorrow.
Depending on the receptivity, faith in God or not and present mentality of your friend you may add that he should "not forget that we are spirit soul and not the body and that the soul has passed on to a better place. There must be some important mission that she is meant to do somewhere else etc..." This all depends on the person/situation etc.
If your friend is not ready for this type of talk then you must use your discretion and you may want to leave it for another day, after he is in a better frame of mind or may not want to use this at all. Every case and every person will be different so there is no blue print on how to deal with this situation.
The main thing is to let your friend know that you are there for him anytime for support and to speak with him whenever he needs it.
I think that this will all help him to deal with this difficult situation that everyone has to go through in life at some point.
I sincerely hope that this helps.
2007-02-23 01:28:24 · answer #2 · answered by RBD 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes it's not what you say, but just that you're there for him, that counts. When you get there, just give him a big hug and ask what you can do to help. He may want to talk or he may not, you'll have to play it by ear.
Since his wife was ill for a long time her death won't be entirely unexpected. It's still very hard, of course, but it may also be that he is relieved that she is no longer suffering. Sometimes that's the hardest part, to see someone you love in such pain and not to be able to do anything to help them. It may also be hard for him to admit to anyone, including himself, that he's relieved her struggle is over. He may worry that that sounds awful to others, that he's being disloyal to his wife's memory.
You can let him know that it's OK to feel whatever he's feeling right now. No one can tell anyone else how to grieve for a loved one, everyone has to do it in their own way. But you can just be there for him as his friend.
Best wishes to you both.
2007-02-23 03:29:29 · answer #3 · answered by mom of 2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Truly, you're going over there is gesture enough; sometimes NOT saying anything (at first) is best. Def. go to funeral, etc.
Don't ask him if he needs help w/that, just "be there" for him.
He'll need your company AFTER it all kicks in; this I've been told by many people and it's true. Don't try to distract him TOO MUCH at first; grief is a process.
But, make sure you let him know you're available; then if he wants to go out, or is going into a funk, you'll know to get him out and about.
Everyone is different.
It takes time.
And, he def. will need friends' support LATER, when most think it's all done.
2007-02-23 01:17:48 · answer #4 · answered by DC 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be supportive.. tell me you're sorry that his wife pass away and you are extending your condolences for him and his family.
Usually people dont want to hear "... but she is in a good place right now", coz some think thats insensitive but if the person suffered during their sickness, then it should be alright to tell them but be sure you tell them in the right oppurtune moment.
2007-02-23 01:13:57 · answer #5 · answered by Jon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Embrace your friend and tell him how very sorry you are about his loss. Offer to take him to dinner one night. This is a case where more important than what you say is how well you can listen.
2007-02-23 02:45:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Agree with English Rose.... I don't want people to say sorry to me..
Just be there & help around. Bring him food, eat together, etc...maybe then he would want to say somthing about his loss...
2007-02-26 18:58:13 · answer #7 · answered by yana_ano 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just say I'm so sorry for your loss and shake his hand or hug him and then let him talk.
2007-02-23 01:40:20 · answer #8 · answered by B"Quotes 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm very sorry for your loss. Then just talk of fond memories involving her.
2007-02-23 01:08:18 · answer #9 · answered by major b 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
just be a comfort to him. Theres not a lot you can say, except, I'm here for you if you need me.
2007-02-26 11:56:12 · answer #10 · answered by jo r 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋