I have an 18 year old, 3 months from graduating. He got fired from his co-op job yesterday for not showing up on a number of occassions (we didn't know this was going on). Now he is facing the fact that he may not graduate since he will be short credit hours du to getting fired. My husband feels he should be grounded from everything, I feel grounding him isn't going to accomplish much since he will have no funds to do anything anyway. Give me your opinions. My son is depressed and knows he messed up but is that enough?
2007-02-23 00:22:31 · 14 answers · asked by sl6970 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I understand he is an "adult" but he is still living at home, and still a student.
2007-02-23 01:18:17 · update #1
I think a better punishment would be to give him some hard chores around the house and yard and set a very specific time for him to do them. Then, if he doesn't show up to accomplish them on time then ground him. It will help to teach him the importance of being somewhere on time and meeting deadlines.
2007-02-23 00:27:06 · answer #1 · answered by Angry-T 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He is an adult though and he made his choice to not go to work. There was nothing important to skip work, (not showing up means he didn't notify) and he never discussed it with you and your husband.
Seems to me he was goofying around and now reality is biting him in the butt. Can't solve the problem as he has to solve it for himself. It is his own punishment.
If he is serious about school, he would talk with the school and make up arrangments to gain those credits back. He would call his job and see if he can set up a deal. He would go out and look for more jobs as much as possible (1 a day or 3 job seeking a week is not enough).
He brought it on himself. You have to stand back and allow him to spread his wings or he won't learn much about how the world works. You can guide him and give advice, but allow him to fix his own problem he caused on his own.
2007-02-23 13:13:16 · answer #2 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I agree with you, grounding isn't the answer due to his age. However there are somethings you need to check out with his school counselor. Ask and see if he can still get the credit Through volunteering at a church,homeless shelters,convalescent hospitals/hospital,school etc...if they state he needs to be at a paying job then ask your friends if they know someone who might be able to give him a job. You should also sit him down and ask why he didn't show up to work--perhaps he has a valid reason and didn't fell up to sharing it with you and finally let him know he has come this far with his education that is extremely important he finishes. Not only would you be opening the channel for communication but it would also let him know you care and are willing to offer a variety of solutions for his dilemma and he may just snap out of the depression and give him back some self esteem and then be able to come to you in the future for help knowing you offer advise not punishment. Best of luck!!!
2007-02-23 10:04:30 · answer #3 · answered by crazykat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think grounding him will do any good, he has created his own punishment by maybe not graduating. But, no he should not be allow to go to parties or run around with friends on the weekends until he has figured out how to rectify the situation. Be supportive, a gentle lecture might help, but if you get to lecturing too much then he will zone you out or get rebellious. Find out what is going on.
I wish you good luck!
2007-02-23 09:55:58 · answer #4 · answered by starryeyednmo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes , its enough if he knows he messed up. Grounding him will serve no purpose. He's at the age where he's learning that everything you have told him is real, and there are consequences for all your actions. I would make him financially responsible for any cost incurred if any. I would let him know you are very disappointed, but grounding at 18 in this case , is not going to help.
2007-02-23 08:30:44 · answer #5 · answered by EGOman 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your son should be old enough to know how important it is to keep a job. It might be, that he wasn't interested in the work, but he just complicated things by doing the wrong thing. A good lecture on life decisions is in order, and remind him that quiting anything is wrong. He has the chance to fix things, let him be the one to fix it all. Find out how he intends to fix the problem he created.
2007-02-23 08:34:01 · answer #6 · answered by altes_jan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your roof. Your rules.
He needs to get his butt to work NOW.
Grounding? he will have to go (and pay for on his own) to summer school or move out.
It is good he is upset and knows he messed up. DO NOT MAKE THE MISTAKE OF ENABLING HIM.
He has no driving privilages (as he cnat pay for gas or insurance), no phone privilages (as he cant pay for that), and no other privilages. Do not bail him out for prom, grad night, anything.
Trust me. The real world is MUCH harsher than this. You will still be ensuring food and shelter. That is more than he would be getting otherwise.
Also, if you or your husband cannot give him transpo to work, then allow him access to transp... but make him record milage and wign IOUs for gas, vehicle usage, etc.
2007-02-23 22:08:34 · answer #7 · answered by Jennifer Anne 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's to old to be grounded. In fact he's legally an adult now and could even move out if he wanted to. I moved out when I was 17 but if my mom and dad tried to ground me when I was 18 (if I was living there) I would just laugh at them and move out. lol
2007-02-23 08:34:17 · answer #8 · answered by Ashley 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What child are we talking about? An 18 year old is an adult. It's up to him to figure his way out of this mess.
2007-02-23 08:48:44 · answer #9 · answered by Gabby_Gabby_Purrsalot 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to sit him down and tell him how much he is screwing up his life. He's 18 and I dont think grounding him will do anything. I wouldnt let him leave the house though until he graduates.
2007-02-23 08:28:19 · answer #10 · answered by kristinad21 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋