Is it better to live alone or live with a controlling, abusive person?

Question

My ex-mother-in-law keeps trying to convince that I will regret not getting back together with my ex-husband. She thinks that I will feel bad because I can not find anyone else and will be alone for the rest of my life after my parents pass away. I currently live near them.

I think that its better to be alone than live with a controlling and abusive man. My ex-husband may be handsome and talk nicely at times, but he still wants his way all of the time.

His mother thinks that he is right in what he says when he gets upset with her or us. I don't agree.

It is lonely being alone and hard to not have the structure of a family to fall back upon. But, I think that its harder to live with a controlling and manipulative man.

What does everyone else think?

Answer 1

I would much rather be alone, than be miserable with someone else. It sounds to me like your ex-mother-in-law has control issues too! Those are the same kinds of comments that men make to control their wives! If you do not have kids with this man, and there is no reason to talk to your ex-mother-in-law, I would totally cut her out of your life. She is only feeding your insecurities. You are so much better without that in your life! You need to totally separate yourself from that and you will start to feel better and more secure.You do not need a man to make you happy! You need to figure out what makes you happy on your own. Try out some hobbies, or take some classes, make friends! Lean on your friends and family for support right now and you will get through this. One day you will look back and wonder what you were ever so worried about... Good luck!!

Answer 2

I lived with an emotionally abusive and controlling man for 5 1/2 years. I look back at those years and realize that they were the worst years of my life. I was miserable.

When I left him he told me that I was an ugly wench and that I would never find anyone who would tolerate me. Well, It is now 7.5 years later and I have a wonderful husband of 7 years, who treats me as an equal and respects me. I also have a daughter who is 4 years old.

I occasionally run into my exes family who tell me that I was the best thing that ever happened to him (my ex) and he is all alone because no one will tolerate him.
I was so happy when I left him. I never felt such freedom. I was not being told what to wear. Who I can talk to or who I was allowed to look at when I spoke. I also don't have a private detective following me around.

When I left him I thought I would be alone forever since I was and felt used and broken but I found my husband and have a relationship that comes naturally and don't have to work at.

The decision that you make has to come from you and not your MIL or anybody else for that matter. You are the person that lives your life not them. If you do decide to leave or even if you decide to stay, you might want to look into getting couseling so you can get your self esteem back and not feel broken. I wish you good luck and hope that you are happy in life.

Answer 3

It is much harder to live with a controlling and manipulative man than being alone and not having anyone to fall back on. Each day is work living with a controlling man. You have to think about what you are going to say and do every second of the day so you don't anger him. IT IS WORK. But to be alone, you can find happiness within yourself and seek hobbies to fulfill those areas. His mother does not know what is good for you...you know what is good for you. You will find the right man who will treat you like the princess you are.

Answer 4

The question is....."Do you want to or would you even consider going back to him"? And....does he want you back?

Of course don't follow the prodding and what I see is interference from your Mother-In-Law. Your Husband is a "Big Boy" and maybe his Mother needs to recognize that and that may be part of "his" problem. Maybe he's been taking out a lot of his frustration he has for his Mother on you since she sounds like a handful.

Anyway; thankfully the ball is in your court. You can set all the conditions, rules, and you can direct the outcome if you wish to have him back.

I would suggest that you and him both get Marriage Counseling. Both as a couple, and each individually so the counselor can get to the jest of the problems.

Also; I'd set a rule that Mother Superior stay out. Cordial contact is okay, but, afterall; this is your and your Husband's marriage to save or end,.......not hers.

I would make a list of things that you Husband does and present them in counseling or in a good sit down one-on-one talk, but, I recommend it be done with a mediator.

I wouldn't rush anything, nor' would I give him the power to set the direction or speed. It already sounds as though he has abused you enough and the pseudo powers he thinks he has had a right to concerning you and your mind and life.

I'd give it a good 6 months to work things out, and that you watch for CONSISTENT improvement in him. He needs to change his ways, and if his Mother is a major influence in how he acts, you need to tell him to cut the cord and be your Husband and not so much her son. His priorities need defined.

If he wants and loves you, he will be willing to change and also see the errs of his ways. If you set all the parameters, and you set the rules, you can hopefully get results. Only when he comes around and starts acting like a responsible loving Husband is when I would venture to do things with him jointly where it comes to the dynamics of the marriage.

It sounds like he needs to grow up and recognize that change is in order, and regardless if he is handsome or talks nice occasionally is not enough to give him carte' blanche' to walk all over you.

Either you are up for this or you are not. Make the best decision for YOU! This is about your happiness, and you don't have to be kicked by a Mule more than twice to know not to stand near it.

Good Luck!

Answer 5

Don't go back to your ex-husband. There is nothing wrong with you living on your own. I wouldn't live with anyone that was controlling or abusive. I would kick their butt to the curb the first time he put his hands on me. If I were you, talk to your ex-mother-in-law and tell her that you don't appreciate what she is saying. It's your life not her's and she needs to keep her nose out of it. Good luck.

Answer 6

I think that your happiness should come first. I've been divorced for almost 5 years now and would much rather spend the rest of my life without the presence of a man than with the presence of a man who wants to be my boss.

Answer 7

I think you are doing the right thing. I lived with that for four years and it was hard. After I left I thought I would never find anyone. It took me almost 4 years to find someone, but I'm glad I did it or I never would have found my husband. He's the one for me and I am so glad I found him. Don't go back take your time and try and find someone that will take care of you and listen to you and that doesn't try to manipulate you ever chance he gets. Take care of yourslef dear.

Answer 8

Its better to be lonely and alone than it is to be unhappy and abusive. There is no reason for you be in a unhappy abusive relationship, go to church meet nice people, join a health club, you kill to birds with one stone get healthy and meet new people. Do not go back to an abusive person for the sake of having "someone" life is to short to be unhappy

Answer 9

You are right. It's much better to be alone than in an abusive relationship. And don't listen to his mother. You won't be alone for the rest of your life.

Answer 10

Its better to be alone than living with an abusive person, and you will find someone else that will respect you. Your ex mother in law just wants you to be with her son, and will say anything to get you to go back to him. but it has to be your decision to go back and no one Else's. good luck.