why do i do it to myself??

Question

my ex boyfriend ended it with me cos or the rows we had, we were together 3 yrs and had a house, he came crawling back and wen i said we'll give it another go, but he needs to grovel first, he went all distant again, so i just accept it over and now hes back again saying this time he'll prove it to me he wants me back and will do whatever it takes, and to be honest he has tried so hard the last week sent me flowers at work etc.but i said we need 6 months apart to see how we feel.
i know i shouldnt take him back as it isnt first time he ended it cos we had a couple of bad months but i miss him and love him so much. and its not like he cheated on me. my head is a mess.
im so confused

Answer 1

the best thing you can do is work out your problems think about it tellin him you want a break is going to make him feel like your rejecting him. then he might give up tryin to win u back nd move on so if u think about it he could end up with sum1 else while your on your break nd how would ya feel then.u need to sort it out true lov isnt sumthing to lose k so good look xx

Answer 2

Girlfriend, been there repeatedly myself and it's a b*tch.

There's no easy way to resolve this and I'm not even gonna attempt to advise you as I don't know specific details, but I think that by taking a step back and allowing yourself a bit of breathing space and time to think is the best thing.

By the sounds of what you have said, this relationship has been turbulent for some time: all this back and forth business is messy! If after 6 months things haven't improved or become clearer in your mind then accept that maybe he's just not the one.

It's hard because I know what it's like to be in love with someone who isn't the best candidate, but if the two of you were meant to be together, then you will. I repeat, take the time out for yourself, re-group with some girlfriends, go out clubbing, read good books, keep yourself active and try to remember that there's a big world out there full of people and being single isn't a death sentence - should it come to that.

Answer 3

He shouldn't have to grovel to get back with you, not resort to doing things just to get you back like sending flowers to your work. Either you want to be with him again or you don't, only you know that, stop getting him to try and prove he wants you, how will that affect your decision if you decide you don't want him but feel bad you've made him do all these things.

People break up for a reason, they don't work as a relationship, no matter how many tries you give it, people rarely change enough for it to be much different than the last time.

Do what you said you were thinking, take a few months apart, minimal contact, to see how you really feel about each other. Don't mope around in this time, try and get on as normal to realise your true feelings. You may realise that it's not actually him as a person you miss, it's having someone there for you, this is no reason to get back with him.

You say you love him but think to yourself are you IN love with him, these are different things, you don't row with someone or break up with someone you are IN love with and you would know straight away whether you wanted to be together again.

Answer 4

this place between being in love and being out of love, is not a happy place. you are pulled in different directions. loneliness and good memories are the worst. but u have to ask yourself, why did u continously argue, was there a real reason. u said urself he didnt cheat on u. maybe u engaged into continous disagreements because both of u werent sure about this relationship. all i know is there will always be a pattern. u can do one of two things (from my point of view): accept that this is not what you or he wants, and realize the break up will be so difficult especially if u have feelings for him but balance this with your will to control ur life and to move on...or u can give him another chance but this has to come with total forgiveness and it needs that u both get rid of anger or resentments. in that case you will need to try to control your temper and both of u need to work hard to make it work out. this means if he sent u flowers, u take him out for dinner. if he tells u nice words, u do the same...and u just let go and enjoy love with forgiveness...after that if he left u again, then ur heart will be stronger and u will know what u should do next...
it is ur choice

Answer 5

properly you do no longer seem to have low esteem. i think of one subject is that the two one among you have a similar social protection huge style. once you document with a prestige: Married, submitting mutually, which would be pink flagged with the aid of the feds for advantageous. And a pre-nup could be needed on condition that one among you has already had a small fortune or some thing earlier the marriage; in any different case with the aid of regulation what you have earned or won once you're married is 50-50 anyhow. different social issues might get up mutually with friends calling the two one among you thru a similar call, etc. And what if one among you get jealous of the different? maybe you 2 could only stay mutually for awhile and see the way it works out. solid luck

Answer 6

You have been given some good advice by people who have posted. Ask yourself this question, Are you ready to settle or do you want what is best? You already know the answer in your heart, not your head, but your heart. If you are truly unhappy with this person despite the love you have for him, and he is not willing to change, then perhaps it is best that you move on. Afterall, he is being distant for a reason.

Answer 7

give him a bit longer and see what he does. maybe talk to him a bit more, flowers can be sent by anyone. it's more important to have the other elements, like respect, friendship, love, lust, humour. just look at those kinds of things, and dont jump right back into it, you could start over, go on dates, rediscover each other. six months is a long time, a lot of people would move on by then.

Answer 8

Its a hard space to be in...before you rekindle this, think of one thing....

do you love and miss what you actually had together...or do you wish what you wanted it to be...what you hoped and dreamed it would be...i know its hard but very often we chase the dream rather than acknowledge the reality..

the likelihood is that neither you nor your fella are going to change much...so think about whether you can truly accept him purely for what and who he is...not for who or what you hope he might be...or become...and whether he can truly accept you the same...

to be honest if you are asking on here then i would say dont do it...you obviously have your doubts...listen to your instincts...if things are meant to be they usually find a way...

i know i offer no solution...but i hope this helps just a little...

i hope everything works out ok...;0)

Answer 9

see ur stronger than me the most ive been without my bf apart was a month i missed him so much and i was tryin to act like i didnt care coz he hurt me by dumpin me but it was killin me we're together now and really happy but takin sum time out does help and u need to talk about the problems u hav and how u could sort them...my problems were playin his xbox and smoking weed all the time and we always argued and it ended in o ur annoyin me ur dumped after 3 yrs i was hurt and wanted to hurt him and it helped with a bit of a break see how it goes u need time out good luck!

Answer 10

I think giving it 6 months is a good idea. It sounds like you need a cooling off period. Best of luck.