This is a serious question and it needs serious replies only. When I was 17 years old my little brother (age 14) whom I was very close to went to prison for rest of his natural life. There are still appeals going on and debates on if he really commited the crime or not. I hung out with the wrong crowd, and we just accepted in the group cause he was family. Now I feel guilty about it. It has been 10 years since and I am not sure how to keep him included in my life. It is hard for me to sit down and write him because I am not sure what I should tell hom and what is better left unsaid. I love my little bro, but how do I relate to him and how do I share my life with him without feeling guilty about him being locked up and me being out in the free world? I was at school the day the "crime" went down and had no knowledge of it, so I know I am not at fault for that, but I feel guilty that I let him hang with the really bad crowd. Please help me before I lose my mind, THANK YOU!
2007-02-22 21:34:01 · 10 answers · asked by Someonesmommy 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You are saying that when you were a teenager, you hung out with the wrong crowd, and then your Brother wanted to be with all of you and he was accepted because, of you. A crime was committed, and your Brother had something to do with that Crime, and he went to trial, and they gave him life, so, now you want to make amends because you feel guilty that you were the one that got him into that crowd. Why don't you write him a letter, telling him your feelings of what happened back then, and that you feel like it was your fault for him being in prison. Is there a way that your Family and you can go to visit him, so that he sees you all care about him and that no matter what he did, even though he did not know right from wrong, at the age he was,back then, all he needs is some words of comfort and that you will always have him in your heart and that you care a lot because of what has happened to him. I hope that you will find comfort, of the way you feel and that God willing your Brother will be out of there before you know it. I hope that it will happened and that you all will be reunited with him before long. Pray to God to give you some comfort and that he will erase the guilt you feel for what happened. You must try and go on with your life, because I am sure that your Brother if he knew how this is affecting you, will feel really bad about it.
2007-03-02 11:53:07 · answer #1 · answered by a.vasquez7413@sbcglobal.net 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ten years ago a boy came into a school in my town and opened fire, killing three people and wounding several others. He is now in prison.
A lot of people knew him, and knew that he was depressed and probably dangerous. But no one thought he would hurt anyone. And a lot of people feel terribly guilty becuase they think if they just did this or that, he wouldn't have done this terrible thing.
Thing is, Barry did what he did. I am not responsible for that any more than someone 100 miles away could have been. I could not have helped him. I didn't know he had this inside him, and could never have stopped him had I known.
People are responsible for their own actions. You always could have been more observant, or more understanding, or cared more or talked more...but you weren't. And nothing you do now can change that.
What you can change is what you do NOW, this second in your life.
Prison has got to be a terribly lonely place. I'm sure your brother could use some amusing stories about work and home to keep him sane.
Take care.
2007-03-02 10:54:50 · answer #2 · answered by cyranothe2nd 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can understand how you feel. I have a little brother too. He hasn't gone to prison or anything but we were and are still kind of wild. He does things I wouldn't dream of doing but he still understands it's his decision. I don't know if this helps, but look at it this way. You loved him enough to let him make his own decisions. I don't really see how you could have stopped him from hanging with the wrong crowd. You seem like you have your head on straight now, and are thinking very clearly, you are just dealing with a bit of guilt. I would see a doctor and tell him about your anxiety. Chances are he will put you on some temporary medication and probably suggest trying to set up some kind of support group meetings. Good ideas if you ask me. Good luck.
2007-02-23 00:26:54 · answer #3 · answered by bayeauxguy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You say it's been ten years !
He was a child then but he's now a man, he isn't the same person that did or didnot do this crime.
Talk to him, you may not get a great responce at first but family will still be important to him. If he feels that you have ignored him of such like it'll take time. You clearly care for him so get the ball rolling...
2007-02-22 21:42:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not responsible for what happened. Move on with that point. Don't bring it up to him. Whats done is done.
Definitely stay in touch with him as much as possible. Describe the current always. Listen to his experiences and visit him as much as possible.
Be careful to act on his demands. Prison changes people and he may get out someday. He should know your expectations and your support.
Put yourself in his shoes and think about what you would want to happen if you were in jail, but don't go so far that he has control over you.
You are in charge of your life, and regardless of his misfortune, he will still be responsible for the actions of the rest of his life. I hope he can make his actions as good as possible so life can be rewarding for the both of you once again.
Good luck darling.
2007-03-02 13:59:09 · answer #5 · answered by ringolarry 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the only thing u can do right now is continue being a big sister 2 your little bro. make sure u stay writing him because when u/r in jail life is even harder without family love.so stop living in guilt and start being their for your little bro now. because he is going 2 need his big sister now then ever.
2007-03-02 13:05:01 · answer #6 · answered by Paul L 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well write him as say you love him just it is hard becuase you let him hang out with the wrong peopel if u where not that so you can not get in troble for it if he was there and he was cout being there he will stay where he is. well rember you where not apart of it and after the letter at the end just say that you will not be writeing for a while and get on with your life and make shure happy.
2007-02-23 03:36:12 · answer #7 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well its really very hard to deal. but don't take all the blames. every person is responsible for his action. however, try your bests to get close to your brother. its the best thing you can do.
set aside the guilt and be more compassionate with him.
he really needs you these times more than you know.
2007-02-22 21:45:09 · answer #8 · answered by waway_bato2005 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would just tell him things that have been going on in your life, and send him pictures. things like you're expecting and what sex your child is going to be. you could also ask him if he would like for you to send him a care package, and if so, what he would like, and what you can send. keep it light, and simple. let him be the one that initiates the things that are bothering him.
i'm glad you have cleaned up your act, and redirected yourself.
2007-02-23 00:33:11 · answer #9 · answered by lidakamo 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He made choices and he made this one by himself just get on with your life. you didn't have anything to do with it so be happy.
2007-03-02 12:34:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋