why are relationships so hard?

Question

i have been with my bloke for nearly 6 years - and we have had a quite a long bad patch - started to feel better about things but i just cant seem to find a happy medium. i have difficulty in excepting that he likes to go out with the lads drinking as it makes me think is this the way it will always be? when will he grow up?. i like a girls night out as much as the next person but i dont particularly want to be out every weekend drunk - we are both going on 27 but he seems to think its fine?

Answer 1

I know exactly how you feel. I have been with my bloke for over 5 years now. He goes out every wednesday and thursday with the lads and always comes home drunk, i dont mind him having the 2 nights a week out but he seems to think it is ok to go out after work on a friday then come home drunk and then go out on a saturday during the day and come home for tea drunk and expect me to have a good saturday night. I think all lads are the same, they never mature even when they are in their thirtys and are selfish. Have you tried talking to him and telling him how you feel and where you want to be in a couple of years? If you and him do not come to some agreement maybe its time to find someone who wants to spend time with you and not permently his mates. I hope it all works out xx

Answer 2

OH MY GOD Geri! U must be my missing twin sister because I feel the exact same! My fella drinks gambles and smokes all his money away at the weekends, hes very sociable but over does it too much. Often going missing for days on end with no means of contacting him. The worse thing is I moved away from home to be with him and dont have many friends down here so if I want a girls night out I have to drive nearly 2 hours to get home to my girlfriends.

He doesnt have a steady job but I reckon by doing bits and pieces he brings home more money than me a week (I have a well paid full time job) but doesnt help with rent or bills even though he stays over just about every night and eats me out of house and home.

We were in Prague for a weekend about 6 weeks ago, which was lovely but since then he feels like he has earned he right to be out
Thurs night (playing poker)
Fri night (playing darts)
Sat day (watching football)
Sat night (drunk as an ***)
Sun (backing horses ot dogs)
Sun night (drunk and in a disco)
Never asks me if Id like to do summit for the weekend or if I had any plans...Arent men so selfish?

But here's something most women NEVER understand
about why men cant have a committed and
lasting relationship this one thing is the biggest
reason women end up single and ALONE.

Here's the best way I can explain it...

I know you've had the experience where you
met a great guy, you started spending a lot of
time with him, and you started feeling an
incredible connection with him...

But just when things started heating up and
you both started getting close and intimate
with each other...

WHAM! He pulled away, spending more time out on the town and with his mates

There was no warning.

No red-flags to let you see it coming...

And he never even gave you the respect of
explaining it or giving you any real reason. (I get these EXCUSES-Your too serious and stressed out in your job... its always some ones birhday (any reason to get drunk)... its an important football match...an so on)

He was just gone. And you had nothing to
show for giving him everything.

I know that you couldn't help wonder what it was that
changed for him... and you did what most women
do in this situation-

You acted on your first instinct and tried
to TALK TO HIM about it to figure out how he
was feeling and why he acted this way.

All in the hopes of reconnecting with him,
addressing whatever "problem" there was, and
most importantly - GETTING HIM BACK.

Well... I have some bad news for you.

If you've done this, this is one of the
absolute WORST POSSIBLE THINGS YOU CAN DO with
a man in a situation like this.

Don't believe me?

Then think back to the past and ask
yourself...

Has this strategy worked with men in the
past?

And now ask yourself - What if there was
foolproof strategy to capture a man's heart
so that HE was the one pursuing a commitment
with YOU? (*Hint - most relationships that
do last have this "man pursuing woman" dynamic)

And what if you could eliminate the
UNCERTAINTY of moving your relationship
into a more committed one, and bring a new level of
confidence and security to your life together?

If your like me your a woman who wants to connect and grow with a man in a relationship on an intellectual,
physical, emotional, and spiritual level.

But if you don't know how this change and
"shift" the actions of your man, and you can't
create this between you, then you'll never
get what you want with a man.

Stop wasting your time getting cut-off
at the "part time relationship" stage
If you've ever struggled with the RESISTANCE
that comes from a man in a relationship that
leads him to withdraw as you grow closer, then
you either need to take your relationship to the next level or let him go.

You owe it to yourself not to have to
experience the same kind of disappointment or
"failure" in a relationship with a man that
you had already experience with this guy,
I know it's hard believe me Im as frustrated about
my "stalled" relationship.

But dont we deserve BETTER?

Hugs XXX

Answer 3

Seems like you have a good head on you. Im nearly 29 and i like a girlies night out but not all the time. Men do settle down when they are ready. this might take a while yet. My hubby is 4 years younger than me and he is more happy to stay in and chill. All men are different, i think you need to chat to him about how you are feeling otherwise you could end up in a very rough patch.
All the best and hope it works out.

Answer 4

Ladies mature before men in that some ladies want to settle down and have kids in their 20s while other men believe they need to have fun until they are 35 then have kids and get married..
See if you both can reach a happy medium - i dont think you should just deal with it or else you will just end up unhappy... i believe i compromise can be met and should be made that way you both still get what you want and remain happy..

Hope all works out.

Answer 5

Yeah there is a lot of selfish ones! If he likes the drink that much i dont think he may change. Some guys do that into their late 40's! And i always think imagine if you had a baby and stuck at home yourself all the time!
Sorry to be negative but this is through experience!

Answer 6

Is the problem that you get jealous of him going out? I have been with my wife for 8 years, married for 2 and we often do this. In fact on a Friday night I will usually go out with my workmates and her with hers. The two groups are very different so do not mix.

We see no problem with this as we spend all other nights together. If there was something you really wanted to do then tell him and I bet he will go out with you but if it is just because you do not want him to go out then surely that is a bit selfish.

Answer 7

Releationships work two ways, all about communicstion and comprimise, he has to give a little to make it work. Although I can understand where your B/F is coming from likeing to go out with the lads have a few beers etc, at our age it is natural, however I am single and can do as I please, your b/f needs to realise that he is not in the same boat, and has to consider your feelings.

Answer 8

Well, your both still young. Perhaps he's not really ready to
settle down, some men do...some never do. You will just
have to wait and see what happens....cuz I don't think ur
goin nowhere. There are no guarentees in anything in this
life. I wish there were. We all learn something , and take
something from each relationship we encounter...to help us
grow and make us stronger and more compassionate.

Answer 9

because nothing is easy in life ... its ok to have some different views in a relationship and to have freedoms to do something on ur own , what matters is to be like one in difficult situations
see it like this : the roots must be strong , the leaves on it are not the same , some are looking to the top , some down , left or right side but even if the wind blows them away it wont harm the roots..... well , a bit confusing but i hope u understand ;-)
all the best for u !

Answer 10

Men and women are different due to biology, thought processes, perspectives, hormones, etc., but do have some simarilities. One thing men do need, perhaps more than women, is some space/same gender bonding. The form may evolve, but that bonding may continue. Just ask to be more reasonable/reduce the drinking part.