Are parents to blame for the way their kids turn out?

Question

Are parents to blame for the way their kids turn out? Is it also the parents fault for not giving enough time to their kids and letting them wander the streets and causing problems? or is it simply because kids get bored so easily and there is nothing to do and decide to do their own thing.

Answer 1

Of course! A child does what he/she sees!
A child needs love and care! If parents let their child grow up without seeing him/her a lot then they child will have wounds in his/her soul!

Answer 2

No one simple answer here.

Parents are responsible in the first instance and if they neglect their children there is a good chance they will go off the rails. Having said that most children go off the rails to an extent at some point and then their own character will be a big determining factor on how far they go.

Parents though, can only do so much, children must be allowed to grow up and so will be exposed to good and bad influences even where parents set boundaries and police them.
Sometimes young people make their own choices in spite of all the best advice love and support, then the blame must fall on society for not creating and reinforcing clear boundaries on behaviour. All the asbo's in the world wont really change things. An asbo is really an admission of defeat but it is necessary to show victims that there are penalties for those who cause havoc in their lives. True many will wear them as a badge of Honor but that can be said of any punishment, it still creates an opportunity to make the individual take stock of their actions

Answer 3

In 99% of cases I think that the parents are to blame for their childrens behaviour.

The sad fact is that many parents seem to take the easy way out nowadays, giving in to their children from day 1 and never winning the all too familiar 'battle of the wills' which determines future respect and boundary lines at an early age.

The little tantrums at 2yrs old, which are too often laughed off or even encouraged as 'cute displays of personality' are boundary testers-let them escalate until they're 5yrs at your peril. Beyond that and there's more than a good chance you're in for a rocky road through their teens.

That said, teens will always push their parents at some point and even the most well behaved, disciplined child can fall into the 'wrong crowd' with alarming consequences. No one would point an accusing finger in that case as the errant behaviour is usually dealt with in a swift and decisive manner-it's those parents who think that foul language, anti-social behaviour and an attitude the size of a small country is acceptable on the basis that their spawn are 'expressing themselves' that responsible adults, (parents or not), take issue with.

Parents of obnoxious 'horrors', to further qualify my point, are not always-as is usually portrayed by the media-low income or ill-educated, I have seen examples of children who are from affluent, professional families with behaviour and language that would bely belief.

When I was a teen I was back in the house at dusk unless I was somewhere specific, swearing was not acceptable and all homework took priority over socialising(not that I had a huge social life as such-there was 'nothing to do' when I was young either). I had my moments of rebellion, don't get me wrong, but if I had ever brought the police or an angry neighbour to my parents door I would have known ALL about it for months-in fact I'd probably still be grounded now!


Rules, Routine and Responsibility (an alternative to the original 3 R's) are the order of the day-and like it or not as parents WE are responsible in the first instance for our childs upbringing.
To blame the schools, teachers or society in general is a cop-out.

Answer 4

Yes and No!

Life is tough for the ordinary working class family, both parents are generally working. Employers are not keen on you taking time off to be with your kids when they are sick, having problems etc. Schools are not strict with kids any more, and parents (myself included) are often chastised for being too strict. All of my kids have had a hard time not fitting in at school as they are very different from the core 'cool' kids. The teachers have said that there learning is affected by trying too hard to be good, and not taking any risks!

Compared to how I was parented, I am very gentle and lenient with my own children. The children seem to have more and more rights, but no responsibility placed on them by society. I don't advocate violence and have never hit my children. I do believe they should have nice things and treats, but as rewards for doing something above the norm. Not just for keeping their rooms clean and tidy, doing their homework etc. They are expected to do this as part of a working family. If they go above this we will always try and reward them in some small way.

I also believe kids have high expectations of what parents will do for them, and no understanding of it being a relationship with the parents, ie; a two way street!

Answer 5

I think parents most of the time share some blame in how their kids turn out. The problem is, parenting is a FULL TIME JOB. Too many couples want both people to work when that in fact, is not necessary. Yes, it's necessary is you want high speed internet, 200 movie channels, and all sorts of luxuries, but is it really necessary? Too many Moms working that don't need to be, IMO.

Now, we had one couple in our church where they had 3 kids, and all 3 turned out to be rebellious, sarcastic, and got in trouble. To me, that is totally a parenting issue. On the other hand, there is families where they have 7 kids and 1 turned out rebellious - I blame that more on them just running into the wrong crowd. I believe in isolated cases, the kid just rebels no matter what the parent does, but when a pattern emerges among the kids, it is the parents fault.

I think too many parents are looking for me to say parents aren't too blame, and I think that is a cop out answer. You have a lot of influence but need to use it.

Answer 6

Totally is the parents fault. People should have classes in how to raise children as most have not a clue and should never have had them in the first place. You can't blame the kid for that.

Though that said as they get older and learn right from wrong it starts to become their fault for not changing their negative behaviour. Using the excuse of I did it cause "I was abused as a child" etc just does not cut it. I know many people in this situation and they would never do anything to hurt anyone and then blame it on their crappy parents.

People need to take responsiblity for their own actions and not blame anything else.

Answer 7

this can be a hard one most of the time i would say yes but i have seen some cases where some kids have had a loving home with every thing they have wanted and understanding parents but they have got into the wrong crowd. but the rest of them then i would say yes too. when you see these kids on the news about causing trouble round their estate, then they interview the parents well!!!

Its always my son they say well er yes love it is and why might you ask , cigarette in one hand not even bothering to smart them selves up cause there going to be on the telly, on the settee where more then likely that's where they are most of the day till its time to go to the pub while the kids are running riot round the streets till all hours. and the scary bit is you see quite a few parents these days like it.

Just ask yourself what did we have when we were young no more or less then kids have today did you have an AS BO ?

Answer 8

As a parent I would say that parents have a lot of responsibility here. A child will have their own character, and peer pressure affects them as they get older. But I do believe its partly the state of society today that children seem to have much less respect for authority like teachers and poicemen.

The police seem to have little power when verbally abused, and the parents often defend their child when the police or a teacher approaches them about behaviour.

Learning about respect and consideration for others does begin at home, and the relationship between parents and children has changed a lot from when I was growing up. We don't need to go back to children being seen and not heard (way too extreme!), but respect of authority, consideration and empathy for others is necessary to prevent disintegration of society as we have known it.

I used to do my own thing as a child, hang around with my mates. This meant going out on my bike, using my imagination and having a good time, without harm to anyone else. :-)

Answer 9

This is a very hard question to answer correctly, but in my opinion it is 80% parents to blame. But when children turn into teens, some parents lose control. That is the most important part, where parents MUST help make them understand what is going on and why.
As an adult now in my mid thirties and a parent, I understand exactly what my parents instilled in me and why. In my teens, I had no idea...just thought they were stopping me from having fun.I landed in jail a few times for stupid things like drinking and driving, but I never stole or hurt people. Which now has turned into helping people due to my parents teachings. Other people my age are still lost in life. No job, homeless etc. Some ran away as teenagers and got lost in drugs...etc. Sad, but they never had trying parents or their parents gave up on them.
So, I say 80% parents to blame.

Answer 10

Sometimes, but not always. There can be a plethora of influences on kids today. Parents should spend time with their children and just as importantly communicate with them as much as possible. Kids are much more independent today and think they should be able to go their own way also though. Point is, it can be parents fault, or the kids fault, but most usually a combination of both.

Answer 11

Yes I blame the parents-we have a 16 yr old and she manages to behave perfectly well because we taught her what is acceptable behaviour & what isn't.She gets just as bored as the other kids but knows right from wrong so boredom can't be blamed.She has peer pressure just like other kids but knows when to say no-because again we taught her to.A lot of parents are lazy & expect the teachers to raise their kids for them despite that not being what teachers are there for.Other parents are just plain uneducated themselves and haven't got a clue what decent parenting involves.They will blame everybody from the schools to other kids & the government for their childrens bad behaviour when it is really down to them and their poor parenting.