What is the best way to clear a Jehovah's Witness off your front porch?

Question

I REALLY NEED TO KNOW! They're just TOO annoying! always showing up with their bibles trying to convert you their religion. GRRRRRRRRR!

Answer 1

I wonder what stupid responses Noah got when Jehovah commanded him to preach to the populace before the flood came and swept all those smart-mouthed people away.

History will repeat itself.

Answer 2

INSTRUCTIONS ON WHAT TO DO ABOUT DOOR KNOCKERS

The best way to learn what to do to stop JWs is to contact a synagogue and talk to the Rabbi.

Ask him how the ancient Jews got rid of the Christian Jews when they went from house to house telling their brethren that the beliefs, rituals, and holiday observances that they have followed for hundreds of years was no longer valid?

I’m sure they had ways to get rid of the members of this cult started by a lower class, uneducated Carpenter, who was executed for cause by the governing authority. These followers were also lower class, uneducated individuals, such as Peter, a failed fisherman, and Matthew, a tax collector.

Lacking any kind of education, let alone advance religious education, it was clear they were brainwashed.

Saul of Tarsus, a highly educated individual, repeatedly proved they were a false religious sect, creating their own scriptures (Bible) instead of relying on the Holy Torah, which had been used by the Jews for hundreds of years. He stood by as the true people of God stoned these so-called Christians.

So, just take a lesson from the ancient Jews. What worked for them against the Christian cult should work against the JWs.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saul_of_Tarsus

Answer 3

Point out some errors in the bible. There are lots to choose from; I like the creation story and the flood, both of which are demonstrably fictitious. Or, put up a sign; we had one on the front door that read: "If you are selling something, and are over the age of 16, or want to talk about religion, regardless of age, GO AWAY." Mostly, it worked.

Answer 4

I have the NUMBER 1 best way to get us to leave. State firmly, "I am not interested in speaking with you, please leave" We may wish to ask why, as MANY who say they do not want to talk say so because of all the rediculous crap they hear about our beliefs (One person said we are forbidden to use aluminum, I laugh when I drink my rootbeer) but we will still respect your wishes.

i thing many have trouble understanding is that it is not a kindness to show interest by accepting a magazine, then throwing it away, or donating money, or saying you are wiccan or whatnot. None of that = go away. Acting interested makes us think the person is interested. Saying you currently feel one way or another, just means you have your beliefs. That does not say, I want/do not want, to talk.

Answer 5

I'd suggest some manner of ejector device...the trap door only works for so long, and then you have to clear out the basement.
yup, I'd definitely go with the launch 'em into the neighbors yard approach...

if you're looking for something lower tech, google "sile na gig"
I won't link it lest I be knuckle rapped by the Yahoo nuns for corrupting the innocent.
let's just say she's no prude...don't say I didn't warn ya.

Answer 6

A sudden show of firepower seems to do it for me. Accompany it with a scream of "Get the f7ck offa my porch!!" while discharging a round into the air. Works wonders. They never return either. Highly recommended if a bit 'redneck' in concept.

Answer 7

the sane option is to tell them bluntly to leave you alone and in extreme cases threaten to sue for trespassing or something if they keep it up.
less sane options include;
dogs, wildcats, snakes etc.
hanging an upside down pentacle or inverted cross or ankh on the door
opening the door in a disheveled state holding objects like beer bottles and blood stained butcher knives with a cigarette in your mouth
cranking up the heavy metal or death metal music, preferably the ones with vulgar lyrics

Answer 8

Say, “No thanks, not interested” and they will leave.

JWs have to many homes to go to rather then staying at just one spot and waist time try to teach someone about the bible who does not want to listen.

Answer 9

A bust of Charles Darwin between them and the front door. Its like garlic for vampires.

Answer 10

You ask them, as they are always speaking of bible, that they are only speaking you of à translation and unless they are able to speak of hebrews original writings, and greek demotic and arameen for Some parts, you have no time to loose to speak with such ignorant person as they are.
That was the intelligent way, but my preference goes to feed Bengal's tiger with.