I had full custody of my daughter for 10 years. She reported to her father (who has NO rules and allows her to do ANYTHING, she's SIXTEEN now) and he took her and KEPT her from me for FOUR months!! Again this was 6 years ago.
I KEPT telling him that she would end up pregnant since he never checks on her, etc. I tried to talk to him about us parenting TOGETHER no matter where she lived. He simply hangs the phone up. I will NEVER give up on getting along with him...for HER. She is going to give the baby up for adoption which is a mature decision, but on the other hand, selfishly, I hate the thought of never knowing my grand-daughter! Yes, it's a GIRL! I realize that kids do things that are not wise, that's why they are the children and we are the adults and parents. I really wish my ex would understand we need to communicate. I had NO IDEA she was even pregnant until she was 8 months along! HELP! I just need some viewpoints.. I realize no one can tell me how to handle this.
2007-02-22 18:08:56 · 16 answers · asked by â?¥â?ªâ?«Karenâ?«â?ªâ? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
More: He is my ex-husband and once he took her from me, within 2 weeks I lost the temporary job that I had. My ex used this to fight me for custody, stating that I could no longer care for her. Well that's kinda hard to do when he's TAKEN HER! But it's beside the point now, as it happened over 6 yrs. ago. I can't take in my grand-daughter as I have found myself, once again, unemployed. So as much as I hate to say it, it's best for the baby girl. She's going to a good family who can't have children and she'll be happy. It's what I want for my kids and any grandchildren I may have.
I have two biological children but I raised five. My step-daughter, my niece and nephew and my two children. My son is grown, married and moved to Salt Lake City Utah about 4 years ago. My "empty nest syndrome" happened WAY too early for me. So I need to concentrate on me, but yet let my daughter know how much I love her and always will.... and that I'm always here for her.
2007-02-23 17:47:26 · update #1
well right now even though you may not aprove of her actions you just really need to be there to support her, pregnancy is hard on teenager, i always wish that my mom had been around for me i was older than you daughter but still i had a hard time dealing with it myslef.
2007-02-22 18:13:43 · answer #1 · answered by christy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well is your daughter ready to raise a baby. You of all people need to support her wishes. You need to ask if your daughter really wants to put the baby up for adoption. She may be doing this because she thinks that you think it is better for her. Kids will do stupid things. I am sorry how can a mother not notice her daughter pregnant untill 8 months along. You must have not paid much attention to her. Kids will do things for them to feel loved if they are not loved at home. I am not saying that you don't love your daughter, I know that you do. Maybe in the long run she feels like she is not love by either parent. Get to know who she is and what she wants in life. If she decides to keep the baby support her in any way. Let her finish school and she is old enough to work.
2007-02-23 11:14:10 · answer #2 · answered by nbubbyjak 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I wish I could tell you that your case is unusual, but after several years on various support lists, so forth, it is not. Keeping her from you for 4 months may well have been parental abduction, and even if not, it is the vindictive mind set that is clear.
My daughter was pregnant and married at 16... 3 yrs later, her unstable mother in law did abduct the kids, and got away with it. The irony is that I saw it coming before they got married. I pray tht she follows through on the adoption.
Yes, I can offer one item of advice, and that is that you HAVE TO find the way to take care of yourself. Your anger is valid. And it can also eat you alive. You really need to find a therapist, for you, to help you cope with this all. Not to change him, that won't happen. Maybe to help with your daughter, although no guarantee it will help there either. Not because I am suggesting there is something wrong with you. But because the hatred and undermining from dad, is going to keep sucking you into his black hole. And it is going to be a LONG two years before she is 18.
2007-02-23 02:29:31 · answer #3 · answered by wendy c 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, if you had custody Dad couldn’t legally just take her and keep her. Why didn’t you do something about it?
Second, in trying to deal with Dad it sounds like you’re beating your head against the wall. I doubt he’s going to suddenly do an about-face on the issue.
Third, while I understand your desire to know your grandchild, yes, it is a selfish reason for you to want her to keep the baby. It’s not about what you want. It’s not even about what she wants. It’s about what’s best for that child. Would the best thing for the child be for your daughter to raise her? No one here knows the answer to that, because they don’t know your daughter. I’ve seen some 16-year-olds make good mothers, and I’ve seen some make horrible mothers.
2007-02-23 02:34:31 · answer #4 · answered by kp 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it's done,accept it,sorry about losing the grandaughter,maybe theres a chance for reuniting at some point in the future,i know thats not much help now,hopefully your daughter will learn a lesson,we can't be perfect as parents sometimes the kids have to make mistakes,we can only give advice and try to guide them,the rest is up to them,as she matures she will most likely appreciate you more,girls usually do,just know YOU did the best you could
goodluck,takecare of yourself,she will be ok
2007-02-23 02:20:28 · answer #5 · answered by jewel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow it sounds like her father is a *******!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just tell your daughter that she could end up getting a STD and that millions of people die from them every year (probably not that many but that might knock some sense in to her.)also tell her that you love her and that you don't want to lose her and that you don't want to be woken up in the middle of the night with a call from the police saying that they found your daughter dead of a STD.
Yes this sounds a little harsh but it might work.
Sorry I Can't Help You Any More!
I hope that this helps you.
Good Luck!!!
2007-02-23 02:18:28 · answer #6 · answered by jessika 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like you need to get custody of this child back because she is not being adequetly supervised with her father. YOu need to immediately summon a lawyer and move to have full custody of this child. Because he is being hostile and not trying to help maintain rules and order. THis is not a safe environment for the child. If she can go out and do what ever she pleases she is going to get hurt. or preg, again. I would strongly recommend that you seek full custody until she turns 18.
2007-02-23 02:16:26 · answer #7 · answered by fireeyedmaiden 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he sounds like he didn't care what happened to her. you seem like a good mother and you only want is best of her and her child. i think you should offer to raise her girl. tell her that not her father. because he probably don't care. i wouldn't want my grandchild to be raised in a stranger's home either. she is way too young to be a mother and should've been more responsible. she made a terrible mistake but just forgive her and offer to help her by raising the baby because at least that way you would know your grandchild will be in good hands.
2007-02-23 02:19:06 · answer #8 · answered by mrs garfield 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not much to do now. IF you want ot take the baby you could ask her not to give it up but the deed is done and there is little to do about it now. You hve little option here but to go with it now.
2007-02-23 02:12:31 · answer #9 · answered by CindyLu 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to your daughter see if that is what she really wants to do or if she wants to move back with mom and be responsible then you both win Good Luck
2007-02-23 02:14:08 · answer #10 · answered by Snoopy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋