I'm the mother of a 21mo old girl and step mom to a 9yr old (both have the same father and I've known my step daughter since she was 4). My step daughter splits time between her mom's and dad's 50/50 but my 21mo old is here full time. My husband took my SD shopping for a new outfit and a video game. The very next day, I took my daughter shopping and spent the same amount of money on her like my husband and I agreed on. My SD said "That's not fair, how come I don't get to get spoiled?" My husband pointed out to her that they just went shopping yesterday and therefore her sister also gets to go shopping. My SD continued to argue the point and complained about having to buy the toys we won't buy her (stuff we know she won't play with) with her own money. We told her that her sister is only 21mo old and doesn't even have money to spend yet. If anything my SD is spoiled more than my own daughter. Is the issue deeper? Is my SD jealous that her sister lives here all the time?
2007-02-22 16:22:30 · 8 answers · asked by Erin H 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
It's possible and at 9 you should be able to sit down with her and have a discussion about this, try to get her to open up. Maybe her time with her mom isn't so great and she really is jealous that your daughter gets to stay there full time. Find out if there are any problems at her other home. Maybe she just needs special attention from you to know that even though she's your step daughter you still love her just as much (and hopefully you do). As far as being spoiled, if she really is the only people to blame are you, your husband and the birth mother. If she has her own money let her waste it, if it's allowance money she's earned that is. If it's money she gets without earning maybe make her start earning it so maybe she'll appreciate it more. Good Luck and God Bless.
2007-02-22 17:27:25 · answer #1 · answered by tylw85 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course, there's a deeper issue. The step daughter is a visitor in her father's house, while the baby gets to live there. It's like she's been replaced. Maybe you could save your shopping trips with the little one for the 50% of the time the step daughter is with her mom. Try to see things from the 9 y/o's perspective. Daddy has a new family, and the little sister is a cute baby,who can do no wrong, while she is probably entering an awkward stage. Not only that, her step-mother thinks she's spoiled. I feel sorry for her.
2007-02-23 03:46:24 · answer #2 · answered by Tiss 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It doesn't matter how much money you spend on your kids; it is natural for most of them to try and manipulate more money out of you. My 2 kids, ages 10 and 6, are always telling me how unfair I am when I don't buy them the latest video game or toy even though I spoil them pretty regularly with many other items. I think the more items you get, the greedier you become. Just the other day I was recalling when I was 8 years old and went on a week-long trip to Disney World and the only thing I wanted from the gift shop was a pair of Mickey Mouse ears even though my parents told me that I could get lots of others things if I wanted. But then again, my parents were very thrifty and I was raised only get one or two toys a year (for my birthday and Christmas).
2007-02-22 16:52:25 · answer #3 · answered by Gina C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I definitely think there are deeper issues here, that might require counseling if you can't figure them out on your own.
I think she is getting a little jealous of the fact that your attention is going to the little one. The story you just told, explained how your husband took her out shopping, not both of you & then you took the baby out shopping. She may be looking to spend some quality time alone with you. Take her out for the day, just you & her, go to lunch, talk, get an update on her life, school, friends. You don't have to spend a lot of money, just spend some time. I'm not a professional, but that just might be what she needs. Otherwise you may need a professional.
2007-02-22 16:46:49 · answer #4 · answered by Maria C 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
what this sounds like to me is. It sounds like the 9 yr old daughter was the only child in the house. Which Naturally. Gets everything. Then All of a sudden being thrown into a house with competition. The 21 m/o girl. She feels like the attention is no longer on her and on the youngest girl. This is not a direct result of you. It sounds like you two are doing things to try to make it equal. To me what it sounds like is she's spoiled...and when spoiled people suddenly don't get what they want when they want and have to split up things....they get Extremely jealous and create a hatred for the other person. Even if everything is fair.
I honestly don't know what to do on this matter. She's just gonna have to learn how to share and you just keep showing her that you care for her as much as the other one.
2007-02-22 16:36:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you favor your real d more than your sd foo!
2007-02-22 16:30:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
she's jealous and wants to know she's still loved
2007-02-22 16:32:17 · answer #7 · answered by Mike H 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
YES DEFINATE OTHER ISSUES HERE...MAYBE FAMILY COUNSELING WOULD BEBEFIT ALL.
2007-02-22 16:33:55 · answer #8 · answered by angie 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋