I need advice with a bad family situation...?

Question

I am 25 and recently had surgery and moved back home with my mom and dad temporarily so they could help me while I recover. My 33 year old brother still lives at home with them permanently. He is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict, who suffers from depression. Classic case I suppose. When I was younger and had surgery he stole my pain medication, but only came clean years later that he was the one who took it. (We didn't know he had a drug problem at that time.) Well, he did it again this time. I thought I hid my medication well enough, but apparently I didn't. I was writing how many pills were in each bottle on the actual bottle, but he still stole them. I refuse to ever speak to him again. I am having another surgery in a few weeks and I need my parent's help, but they have refused to kick him out, even temporarily while I recover. If I go back to my apt I don't have anyone to help me and I am going to need help. Can anyone out there give me some advice on what to do?

Answer 1

Your parents are enablers. You cannot change them and your brother won't change until they are dead. He is depressed and using drugs because he is addicted and is ashamed of his life due to the fact that he hasn't made anything of himself. Sadly, I had the same problem with my brother. He stole many things from me and my mother stayed in denial about him. My mother passed away at age 87. At age 58, he went to jail for drugs and the judge sentenced him to rehab.

He went to rehab, got clean and then died because of lung cancer caused by the drugs. I wish I could talk to your parents because this is their fault. This went on in my family for 33 years.

Anyway, back to your problem. Is there any where else that you can go to recuperate? Or have one of your parents or a friend come to your place and stay with you. What good is it for you to have your medication if you can't take it?

You would be doing your brother a favor by turning him in for steeling your medication it would be the greatest favor you could do for him.. You could talk to the police about it. . He is sick and your parents are too.

Answer 2

Well, if it is just the issue of him stealing your medication, then just keep the medication with you at all times (even sleep with it and also take it to the bathroom when you shower). Either that or find a better hiding place for it. How about in the back of the freezer? You'll need to make sure he isn't watching your every move to see where you are hiding it. I know you are mad at your brother, and I hope he will get help for his problem. But really, if you need your parents' help, then the problem with him stealing meds can be worked around.

Answer 3

Talk to your parents seriously. Sit down with them and tell them how worried you are and that you really need their help. If they still refuse, maybe you can ask a friend to help or hire a temperary helper for you at home. No matter what, you should never feel like you need to hide medicine from anyone, especially when you are recovering from surgery.

Answer 4

oooo thats a tough one. Perhaps you can talk to your parents and let him stay with you for a while, or maybe he can stay with another family member that he can trust not to do anything that could end bad. Just get him to stay somewhere else. Or have him talk to his parents about how badly they're hurting him, and perhaps it will hit them in the head and they'll do something about their lifestyle. Also look out for him since he's your friend and make sure he doesn't get into too much trouble and fall into the same fate his parents and brother did. Good luck.

Answer 5

Your parents are enablers. He's never going to help himself until they let him hit rock bottom. By letting him live with them and get away with this, they aren't helping him. My mom is an enabler with my 38 year old brother, so I understand this.

For your pills, take them out of the prescription bottle and put them into some other container. Fill the prescription bottle with Tic Tacs.

And then get out of that house as soon as you recover. Let your parents deal with your brother, however they choose.

Answer 6

It is not fair to your parents. They are caught in the middle. You can't ask them to choose between you and your brother.....even for a little while while you recover. No matter what his personal problems are, he still is thier son too. It seems like a good remedy would be for your parents to take turns staying with you while you recover.

Answer 7

It's hard for parents to choose one child over the other.

Before the next surgery buy a metal box and some chains....attach the box to your bed and give one key to your parents and you put the other key around your neck on a chain.

It's a lot of trouble but it's one solution.

Answer 8

while you are recovering so is he. he needs support too. dont be selfish! put your pills somewhere safe. like padlock a draw. or have it on you all the time. i know he shouldnt do it but he is an addict and cant help it. your parents should talk to him about it and warn him if he continues to do it then they will have no choice but to put him into rehab. this may not happen but its a bit of scare for him.

Answer 9

I am sorry you are having a hard time with surgery and have to deal with your brother too.
I would suggest putting them in a locked box- combination lock box.
you could explain to your doctor as well the situation and ask if there are any solutions...but it sounds like big bro needs some more rehab.

Answer 10

Tell your parents you will be staying at your own apt. after this next surgery. If they care anything about you, it will not be a problem for them to take care of you at your place. They're taking care of your brother and have no problem with that.