How come so many people are thrashing me for calling CPS when it was really necessary?

Question

Yes I called on a friend and no I'm not ashamed!!!! I am glad I did it now she will get the help she needs for those boys. If I was calling to get back at her then of course you could thrash me but I tried to help her and she continued to do the same things over and over. These are only a few Examples: She allows her mother to smoke pot in the house. Instead of riding the bus she has her friend with benefits drive her places in his 2 seater truck with 1 of her sons on the floor board. This is a weekly thing not just one time that this has happened. She sleeps with men and her sons are in the room yes some times awake.

If you need to know more and are not convinced that this is enough read this question I posted before you answer:

Once again I am not ashamed and I know her kids will have the help they deserve. They will not take the kids. They are going to help.

Sorry the link doesn't work. I have tried to help my friend by even bringing her into my own home. She doesn't listen to what I say about all these things being bad for here 3 and 2 year olds and if anyone read my other question they would know the full extent of what is going on.

I am proud that I did this and the only reason is because these boys will have the life they deserve.



I have had a friend call CPS on me because she was mad at me and wanted to get back at me for calling her a name. Yes I know fully well what can happen but when nothing is wrong in the home they leave you alone. I was never bothered again.

I only asked this question because I can't understand why people get mad about something that needed to be done.


I know I did the right thing and no I don't need you all to tell me that. I still will never under stand why people get mad at other people for trying to do the only thing left to do and thats to call CPS.

Answer 1

To the person who posted this: I think your intentions are good- your concern is for the children at the heart of this situation, and the people who are criticising you are, unfortunately, probably the same people who turn a blind eye to abuse in their own neighbourhoods, too.
Social services will determine, in the end, whether or not there is cause for concern. And ultimately, if they don't see any evidence of abuse, they will not investigate any further. There isn't much else you can do, except refer your friend on to any organisation that may be able to help her with parenting skills, and maybe counselling too. In the end, you can't help people who don't want to help themselves, but you have tried to help the kids- and that is what counts.


And to all the people who think it's only abuse if it's physical or sexual- shame on you! Children can be as scarred and sometimes more so by emotional abuse and neglect. Shame on all of you for downplaying the legitimate traumas of kids everywhere who are being f*%ked up by their so-called "parents" and let down by the system, and society as a whole.

Answer 2

I had to call on a friend as well. It wasn't easy, I'd watched her since her kids were born and helped her but her house was gross, the kids weren't being watched after properly, they weren't clean, they weren't eating properly. I even went once a month to spend TWO days over there helping to clean and disinfect and make cassaroles and stuff to freeze for good meals. Every month I'd go back and the cat litter boxes would be over flowing, the kids would be filthy, she'd be microwaving fish sticks and of all places, putting them directly on the floor for her one year old. I eventually had to say "you're a big girl, you're a mother and it's time you act like one. I understand maybe not doing the dishes for a day or two in a row or letting your laundry pile up until the weekend but you cannot have children in unsanitary conditions and you cannot feed them on the floor as if they were a dog." She knows I called and she knows I was upset about it.
You did the right thing However I'm not in your shoes and neither are the rest of us. Sounds like you're looking for validation so perhaps you feel some guilt. If indeed you did the right thing, work on that guilt because it will eat away at you.
God bless.

Answer 3

I am required by law to call cps when I suspect children are in abusive situations. It is not an easy call, but cps has been set up to help children first, and then their parents if at all possible. It sound like you made the right move. When the dust settles a bit, I think that those that are giving you a hard time will see you did the right thing. If they don't change their minds, just have them call any law enforcement agency, and ask about children who have been unrestrained in a vehicle accident. Death can come very quickly even at 35 mph. I'm proud of you!!

Answer 4

YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THE MOTHER AND BOYS SITUATION.i think you were somewhat woriried about the boys and cared about them but in a way you have to know when not to step on someones toes... a couple years ago i knew some people that were in some sort of same situation and the kids did get taken away from their mother... she loves her kids and they love her. the kids went with family members eventually but went through hell before with the state. the state thinks they are helping and u do to, but you should have looked at it from all points of views not just your concerns. its funny no matter what those kids saw or have been through they love their mom and are still after 10 years hoping that their mom will change and they can live with her again some day. their mom loves them and cries for them and some times starts to do good but these drugs really got hold on her not any help can help her because she is so taken over by them. you know the saying it is easier to do wrong than do right? well basicly sure you thought you were doing the right thing and maybe you did but thats not yours or mine opinion. life is hard and maybe this family needed help but that was how they got around> and who are u to say ahe should have rode the bus?

Answer 5

Hey now.. if you were worried enough about the kids to call cps, then thats great. As long as someone was trying to look out for them. I commend you on helping in a situation where children were in a bad place. If you need more validation than that, you did it for the wrong reason. We do things for others because we want to and because its right, not because we want an award or a pat on the back. Keep looking out for the kids, and good luck.

Answer 6

Your "friend" should of been charged with child endangerment multi times and child abuse/neglect multi times and exposure to sexual explicted activity.

She doesn't deserve to be a parent and you know that. Those actions you said she did prove she has no common sense and morals/values to allow such harm to those kids.

It is a "no brainer" to not get in a vehicle that has no proper seating and restraints. That is my first concern besides 1) who is driving?

It is a "no brainer" to not have sex with children present in the room, much more, awake! That is scummy.

Calling CPS is a good thing, but don't expect her behavior to change. She wouldn't change with the help you gave, she won't with this. Especially since CPS don't always investigate throughly as they should nor respond to situations in depth.

Answer 7

I say Bravo! You did what your conscious told you and that's never a bad thing. And if you hadn't called and something serious happened to the kids, then you would feel even worse for not stepping in. Don't let this low-life make you feel bad or guilty. But if she truly wants to improve her and her kids life, then she will take the help that is offered. If not, then you know she is truly a disgusting individual who doesn't deserve kids in the first place.

Answer 8

Two things...one the link doesn't work and two you failed to mention the ages of the children, which would make a difference. From what you said it's a toss up. The whole pot smoking thing....I know it's illegal but most people do do it. Personally I wouldn't allow it in my house but that's just me. The truck thing...I could understand why she wouldn't want to ride a bus. Those things aren't the best place, however under no circumstance should you ever allow your child to ride unrestrained in a vehicle. As far as her having sex in front of them while they are awake.....I am disgusted that any parent would do something like that. Why the hell would you want your children exposed to that.

As a mom I'd hope that if someone saw me doing something that they felt would be harmful to my child that they would first come to me. I would NEVER want the state involved. They do tend to harm more than hurt sometimes. If you went to your friend and expressed your concerns and she ignored them that's one thing. If you never brought your concerns to her attention then......I'm sorry I can't agree with what you did.

Answer 9

You did the right thing. If she gets mad, oh well. Those kids are more important. Because they will not take the kids and you see that things have not changed after the "help", call again. I would.

Answer 10

CPS reports are a very touchy subject because some people, not saying you, do use it to get back at someone or just to cause problems for someone they don't like. My ex-sister-n-law has called CPS on my brother and his wife at least 3 times. It is finally to the point that CPS is saying that they are not going to investigate any future reports from her against my brother and his wife, because all her past reports have been bogus and have been obviously done in retaliation against my brother for a recent court battle with her.

If this woman deserved to be reported, then good for you for not putting your friendship ahead of these kids safety. However, just understand that like I said, many people use CPS as a tool to act out revenge or hatred against someone.