I have to make a serious decision this wkend only answer if your willing to offer honest thoughtful advice??

Question

here we go...I am 23 i own my own online business its just starting i am doing well in my life...i have 2 kids one whom is 6yrs old and lives w/ grandmother...my 3yr old lives with me...right i was clearly 16 when i had my first son...My mother i regret to say is a drunk & takes drugs. I was rapped n my life threatened at around 17 I took my son to my mothers to ask her to have him as i didnt wan him seeing me in that state plus i couldnt emotional manage n going threw breakup with his dad.my mother called social services told them i had left him outside her door.u could imagine their involvement after that. she told them i wason drugs n i neglected him..please keep reading i do really need some help n i have no family to ask! my son other grandmother came to take my son and i signed a bit of paper to say it was ok as i was going threw so much..i didnt tell social services what as i was stubborn hurt n confused..a couple months later when my head was more around the situation i went to

get my son i the grandmother wouldnt give him to me as my mother had been telling i was taking crack it was a lie i swear i have never touched drugs i cant explain what happened but i couldnt fight n gave up it went on for awhile i become very depressed as wen i needed someone i had my own family mother shoving me into the ground. the father didnt no what to believe at the time as we werent talking anyway due to break up so he only heard gossip spread by my own mother. Shocking news now my mother then got my into proscetution she i was depressed people n i regret it everyday of my life..dont judge me with a mother like mine who wouldnt be messed up. she put speed in my drinks telling me i need to lose weight. she even came and worked in a brothel with me to get me to sell myself..i become so emotionally overwelmed by everything that i left town i emotional shut everything off even my son.. i know that was wrong now...I started a new life away from mother dna sperm donar..then i got ...

let FINISH i dont take jobs and i have a great job working for social services...i came back to get my son. and my mother has tried her best to make my life hell as i am telling people what she done to me. she had my car robbed she called my work place telling them ver nasty things about me. My question is this what can i have done so she leaves me alone. also my first sons dad is thinking we should get back together now he knows the truth is that a mistake

you know what people i cant choose my family because of the way my mother is does that mean you can judge me or be mean..i am asking for advice not rudness.....I am building a relastionship up with my first son which i am so happy for....I dont know if being with his dad is good or not it all seems da ja vu its all like adream come true...plus my mother is still messing around in my life...what can i do i want to live my life normally and for my kids to and she is doing her best to distrub it...

give me a break i have come from a broken home...of drugs n drink. I am now holding a professional job studying have my own online business...raising my 3yr old and having contact with my 6yr old i am not some sit around low life on benefit (no disrespect meant to those who are as i know its hard) i have a car and expensive nice things in my home...i no this is irrelevant its just i no this sounds like a jerry springer sort of thing its but im not the jerry springer tramp!!!

i ahve never touched drugs or drink!! thats my mother....if my mother takes me at 17 and makes me do procestution when i am depressed due to rape and a gun held to my face and her twisting my head when i need support that my son is better with his grandmother is that fully my fault!!! i need real advice not sarcasim

main questions what should i do about my crack head drunking mother who is clearly jealous that i turned out better then her??

Is getting back with my first sons dad a good idea?? when i came back he left his girlfriend to be with me???

my life is good i do have quailfications i work for social services im doing my NVQ 3 this yr... my problems is my mother doing things to me she had my bank my funding frozen she had my car robbed etc....etc....it goes on police are involved

may i add after reading the responses...she is still doing things to be till today.....she had my house robbed the other day £1000 worth of goods cam corder etc.....its hard to say forget it and rage...rage would be me acting on it...i just seem to not beable to do anything i cant leave town again cause of her as my son lives here

may i also point my 6yr old is not with my mother but his dads mother

sorry its all a little muddle i become emotional distressed when talking about this and dont spell check etc....it just pores out...thanks for all who have given advice...also what sort of lawyer do i need. Is there a long process for a restraining order...

Answer 1

tell you what get a family law solicitor and get this sorted really you need pro help here. what didn't tell social services is irrelevant but seriously get some professional legal help

Answer 2

Well first you need to be commended for the great amount of courage you have to even put your story out there like that. I know that took alot to do. I am very happy that you are trying to turn your life around. And the fact that you're building a relationship with your son really made me smile. As far as your mother, look into a restraining order, or get some proof of the things she has done to you, then seek legal help.

Thats really nice that your son's father left his girlfriend to be with you. But, be careful getting back with him. Weigh all of the pro's and cons. Consider the reason you two split in the first place. Only get back in this relationship if it is a good and healthy choice for YOU and your son.

Hope I've helped a little bit. Once again, I commend you for sharing your story, but to really help, when you get a chance, maybe you should try talking to a psychiatrist. I'm not saying you're crazy, but perhaps it could really help. Whatever you do, I wish you nothing but happiness in life & good luck with your business.

Answer 3

I know someone who was in the same situation as you before you started to try and get your life together..this person never got her life together, she is almost forty, has three children, none of whom she has a relationship with..and she has given up on life. You sound like you are trying to have a life for yourself, and good for you for being so strong and rising above your past.
I would advise you to focus on yourself, get yourself financially stable and get your kids back..as for the father, if there is any doubt in your mind, then forget it..you don't need any more complications in your life. AS for your mother, go to the police and social workers and report every little thing that your mother says and does..everything goes on record. Finally, at the end of the day, if you continue along the right road then nobody can make false claims about you or your lifestyle, as you will have nothing to hide and confidence comes with that..I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 4

Calm down honey. You are in serious pain and I understand that. I'm not clear about what decision you need to make this weekend, which is what you began with, but got lost in your many details.
You work for a social service agency so I'm pretty sure they have an Employee Assistance Program (EAP.) You need counseling to get over your rage about your mother and so you can truly go on with your life being a good mother to your son. EAP is confidential, works on a sliding scale and will NOT jeopardize your job. They even have to let you off for appointments! See if you have that available to you. If not, contact the department of mental health. They offer counseling too on a sliding scale.
In the meantime, don't make any major life decisions, including whether or not to enter a relationship. First things first if you want to live a healthy life and be a good mother yourself you must deal with all your hurt and anger.
God bless you. Get some counseling. It will help you so much.

Answer 5

Wow...you need to do what's best for your self firsdt, then the problems with your kid will work itself out. I see a lot of "hearsay" in your story, doesn't mean it isn't true, just won't stand up in court. Call CPS on your mother as a concerned parent. Be vigilant, keep calling. Eventually they may investigate. Get some proof about your allegations. If you work for social services, you should ask them for help. Get a restraining order against your mom. Have her arrested if she comes near you. Good luck, it will all work out if you are diligent. Empower yourself and let go of the past. You can try praying, but if you want anything to change for the better, you need to make it happen. Prayers don't seem to accomplish action items. Also, go to school and take some writing classes so you can express yourself clearly. It looks really good to be enrolled in school. It will really make you feel better about yourself too. Good luck!

Answer 6

Oh my God you poor thing! Right first of all calm down, start keeping a diary of every event that happens, find your self a good family solicitor who deals with family & criminal law. Stay away from your mother at all costs, do not let her back into your life you have done well to turn yours around do not give in to her inherent jealousy that you have got things going and she is still where she is. Never sell yourself short Girl, I am proud of you and I don't even know you. Be stong and things will work out. If you need a shoulder to cry on email me anytime I think you are worth it so do it girl grab your life back and move on even if it means moving away. Good Luck

Answer 7

Since your mother hasn't cleaned up her act perhaps you should think about reporting what she is up to, child services. This time explain your side of the story and how your mother has treated you in the past and that your afraid she may do the same thing to your son. Also get a lawyer so you have back up to get your son back it aint cheap, but if you can get him out of there find the money!! Good Luck.

Answer 8

I'm sure you were overwhelmed at 16....who wouldn't be? So you didn;t put up the fight you now think you should have when the gmom took over custody. No one wants that to happen and it's a terrible thing for your son/ But it happened....you were a baby yourself. You have to forgive yourself and do what you can now to REALLY put him first now. That will mean being in his life more....but only at whatever level you can consistenly provide. SO decide, can you visit every Saturday?....then do that - every single Saturday. If more often, fine. But whatever, you do don't come in and out of his life or spend three days with him and then not see him for two weeks when your schedule gets busy. You need to move slowly but consistently. Just because you're his mom doesn't mean you're the best thing for him - at least not all at once. You didn't say anything about having problems with the gmom he is living with. So don't rip him right out of there just b/c you're ready to be a mom to him. Living with her has been your son's life for many years....don't ruin his life again but ripping all his stability from him. You were young when you upset his life before. But you're older now and need to GENUINELY put him first....not your own desire to be with him. He will need to get acclimated to you again and deal with anger he might have toward you (depending on how perceptive he is of adult situations). You certainly have a right to be in his life if you can be a good force in his life. But take it slowly.

As far as your mom is concerned, just stay away. Change your phone # and make the new one unlisted. MOVE. She has nothing to do with your son. If she decides to testify against you at a DHS hearing, you can deal with that when the time comes. But if she's as big of a mess as you explain, she probably won't even get around to showing up!

And I would NOT move in with the dad. To me it sounds like you're trying to create this fairytale. "We were always meant to be together. We were young but more mature now. We'll have our son again. It will be happily ever after." ANd you know what, it might be. But again, move slowly. Plus I think you need to focus on your son and his feelings and not be distracted by some new relationship starting over again. You can still see the dad....but take one step at a time. And being in your son's life is FAR more important that being in his dad's. Chances are, being a mom will have a lot more staying power than getting involved with the dad, no matter how great the dad might be. You also have some doubts about the dad. All the more reason to put more attention to your son and not to your romantic life right now.

Answer 9

your question is a little confusing but firstly i would commend you on the fact that you have admitted your own downfalls and have turned your life around and appear to be trying to do whats right for your kids.
find out where your 6 year old would prefer to live as his life has been disrupted enough, if he'd prefer to stay with his gran then make it clear to him you would rather he lived with you but that you will do whatever makes him happy. If he stays with his gran get social services to arrange regular visitation rights to give him some sense of stability and allow you to re-bond with each other.
If he decides to come home to you get a reputable family lawyer (citizens advice can refer you to one) and im afraid it will be a court battle.
You may also want to check if he is on the 'at risk' register as this may effect your chances.
As for your mother, get a restraining order and report any abuse, theft or vandalism by her as soon as it happens. The police act more readily on repeat reports.
Don't feel obliged to get back with your ex because he split with his gf, do whats right for you and your kids, id wait until your other problems are resolved before you get into a relationship though.
good luck.

Answer 10

If you have a nice house & expensive things & have a good thriving business & you are not a drug addict or a prostitute etc & no one wants to point a gun at your head then there is no reason for you not to look after your children.

I dont know about the father

I suggest you go to Social Servcies & they will check you out, because they were previously involved..

Answer 11

Well...1st i just want to say my mom kinda has the same mom that you do. Prayer is the best option. I would go to the police or something. get a restraining order. But since she's ur mom, you cant help but love her. I would try to talk to her, then walk away. I will defidantly pray for you, your son, and any thing else in your life. God has put you on this earth for a reason, and no one can decide that but the true creator. God Bless you!!!!!!!!