How can a guy disagree with someone without people thinking your only disagreeing because of your male ego?

Question

I've met a few women, (not sure if they were feminists or not) who will do this to me, and I end up feeling like just by the act of me disagreeing, someone will say, "oh, it's because of your ego".

Like for example; your working on a project. You just started. A woman comes over & in a harsh way, tells you what you have is terrible because it doesn't look finished. You get a little irritated that she doesn't realize you just started & say that it doesn't look right because you just started. She then says, "why are you so defensive?" You say your not being defensive, your just stating the fact that you just started so ofcourse it doesn't look right yet. She then says, "you don't take criticism well & I think it's because of your ego. You seemed to have attitude when I told your project looked wrong."

So it seems that in order to not be seen as being controlled by ego, the guy can only blindly agree with her statement. This seems wrong.

What are your thoughts?

Baba-Yaga: I have to ask, are you out of your mind?

chdoctor - Thats exactly what it seems like sometimes.

TzodEarf - "Once they've got you going, they'll often calmly act like you have the problem." Exactly. It's like a mental war, and it sucks.

I feel like I'm one of the slow learners as well.

Lost Hero - That sounds like a short way of saying, 'smile, show no hint of fustration, and like with a child delicately tell the person with sugar coated words a really basic reason behind what your doing.' Then compliment them ontheir wonderful insight, even if what they said was completely irrational.

Answer 1

If the woman isn't a feminist, than she won't accuse you of chauvanistic ego. If she is, then she will always accus you of such. It's feminists way of trying to make men feel guilty of their natural masculinity.

The fist step to overcoming feminists like these is to NOT change. Don't concern yourself with what they think. When you ignore them they give up.

Answer 2

This happens to me all the time when I start on a mural, as I am am artist. I am also a female. So in the example situation I would not assume it would be your ego. A lot of women don't understand the male ego is as touchy as a woman with PMS though. I have learned to take criticism whether from males or females and ignore the ego and the PMS. Don't take people so seriously, just let it go in one ear and out the other. You'll stay healthier that way.

Answer 3

It must be accepted at this point that, the male ego is problem-solving oriented. Men are inherently moved to find a solution in-spite of what's going on around them. Being a man, I'm generally multi-tasking everyday and I flow from one problem to the next. And, I am first to admit that, there may be details left untouched. Primarily because, Men generally look at the big picture. Our perspective may be off when observed by a woman. Men do not add emotional content to every subject--we think abstractly, we can think " outside the box." But, to be monitored by an insensitive woman immediately causes the man to look for a referee---someone call a foul--throw a flag!
The male ego, to our misfortune sits on our sleeve and it takes women trained in interpersonal communication and leadership to successfully supervise men.

Answer 4

it's simple. this women obviously saw something threatening in your work that she felt compelled to degrade it and you. when you gave her an honest explanation as to why your project was in the manner it was, she couldn't deal with the answer; so to make her feel better, she went somewhere that you could not defend...your "male ego".

she is obviously the one with the problem. concentrate at YOUR task at hand and pay no mind to her. And when your presentations are due, I'm certain that your will be 10 times better than hers.

I'll probably get hate mail for this, but to all the women out there that are like the woman described here: quit while you're ahead. not all of us are made to be in powerful positions. some of us cannot take the pressure of having all that power. there's nothing wrong with that. but don't take it out on a man because he can and you can't. all that does is make all the blood sweat and tears the many women before us shed in order for women now to have the opportunities that we do seem as if they were in vain.

Answer 5

the male ego is a catch-all excuse for EVERYTHING that infringes on the feminist movement. if men have an ego problem; women have an ego and attitude problem. die hard feminists act as though they have been treated like the untouchables from India.
there is never going to be equality between males and females in the united states because women adopt this persecution complex that time or social accomplishments will not satisfy.

Answer 6

I think it's in the way you come across and how you say things.

So try not to come over in an intimidating or defensive way, just be assertive about what you want to get across to the other person.

I'd recommend some assertiveness training actually, as it will help you how to deal with difficult people and you will also get a much better response.

HTH : )

Answer 7

It looks to me like she has the ego problem, and is trying to knock you down. If she is going to criticize you in a harsh way, of course you're going to defend it. Though you could only be sure if you criticized her in the same manner to see how this particular person reacts. If she takes it badly, then this is most likely the case. If she handles it well, then she probably really believes that and isn't intentionally messing with you.

Answer 8

This is one of those age-old questions, how to get along with disagreeable people. I wish I had some easy answers. My 1st impressions are:

1. "I didn't solicit your opinion".
2. "I defend myself vigorously when viciously attacked".

I don't know. I read an old book recently called "Nasty People" by Jay Carter. It's a good quick read about Invalidators - the people who try to control us by sneaky underhanded tactics like the woman you mentioned.

A couple of things he mentions are to be aware. Be aware of your environment. What tends to happen in situations like this is that we become introspective. Invalidators consciously or unconsciously try to plant seeds of doubt. The goal is control.
Once they've got you going, they'll often calmly act like you have the problem.

The first task is to recognize it usually signaled by uncomfortable feelings you get around certain people. Those feelings may be your own insecurities, however, they may be your own reaction to an invalidator.

Next, stand your ground. "Set limits for the behaivor of the invalidator - what is and is not acceptable to you (Carter)".
One suggestion he has is that once you recognize dirty tricks for what they are, just look at the person, tilt your head, give them a knowing look or smirk and shake your head to let them know, "I know what your up to; I see right throught your game".
The idea is to own your power and not let other people abuse it.

You have the choice to confront them or react the way you want to. Many people know this automatically. Some of us have to be taught and come by this knowledge more slowly. I'm one of the slow learners.

Hope this helps

Answer 9

If you have everything you need to prove what you are capable of, or what you can do, the hell with everything and everyone else, simply put. Don't lose your ego but then criticism is just that criticism, take what you need and throw the rest to the wind.

Answer 10

you're running into some female chauvinists who assume, you are driven by ego and testosterone. don't ever compromise your integrity and agree with a fool or control freak. maybe she's not as confident as she should be or has hit the glass ceiling that women sometimes do. that ceiling means she is that close to the top, but is/feels limited by male dominant corporations, and must prove...she too has balls. even if she is the leader on this project she was out of line. if you bow down to these type of women because of their attitudes, they won't respect you. treat women with respect, but stick to your guns. expect to give as good as you get...just be diplomatic if possible. it sounds like she has some personal issues to work out. you know what drives you and don't worry about her.

Answer 11

Guys do tend to struggle with pride more than women (from my personal observations), so maybe you've been put into a general category when women say this to you--whether you deserve it or not. In your scenarios mentioned above it sounds like once they realized they were wrong, their own pride took over and they just decided to male bash. Ironic, isn't it?