My boyfriend and i are having a baby, but it is pulling us apart any suggestions on helping us stay together?

Question

He is away at college and it is really hard on me, but he doesn't seem to get that. I think he should be here and after they baby is born to help me, but he thinks that the future is more important, any help would be greatly appericated. He also called my mother and talked to her about it

Answer 1

OK well here is what i think..... you two must have known the risk you were taking when you decided to have sex un protected or protected nothing is full proof so know that he was in school and it was important to him did you choose to have sex knowing that he might not feel like being physically being there was as important as providing for the 3 of you if a baby was to happen? i tell you this as some one who also got pregnant before i was married and who's boyfriend was doing something else at the time but did this understanding and excepting that i might get pregnant and then have to do it alone and that was a Chance i was willing to take if you pressure him to leave school and come be with you you must also then take responsibility if he resents you and the baby in the end would it be a mature thing for him to do no because he should have been thinking the same thing before he had sex with you"what would happen if she gets pregnant?" but it sounds like he may have at least figured something out which is he needs to finish school because having a dead end job will not help you or that baby trust me! me and my boyfriend decided to finish school and a month before graduation we moved in together and married for 11 years now it was so much better for us both in the long run we have good jobs now doing what we dream about and our daughter is with parents who wanted to be together and she was all ways with me and saw her dad a lot and doesn't even remember us not living together so think through telling him you want him to drop out of school to come and be with you maybe he can transfer schools or something but if you have family who is willing to be with you then it maybe for best because you don't want to take the chance he will resent you or the baby later it wont be easy being apart i know i went through it but in the end it can work out so talk to him and see where he is at in his thinking about this and go from there!

Answer 2

It is really hard to be pregnant and alone. He probaly does get that but it doesn't sound like you are seeng his thoughts on the matter. He is thinking that finishing college means that he can get a better job and make enugh money for you and the baby. He's right. You two (both of you) need to start thinking as a family. What is best for that baby, right now, dad finishing college is really important. He needs to understand that you need support and time together. There are only a few months left in the school year. Lay off of him and let him finish the semester. Then talk with him about moving in together. If you do not intend to move in together, then leave him alone and arrange time for him to visit the baby. I don't know when the baby is due, if it is before the end of May, talk with him about wanting him to see the birth of his child. You will need to make many sacrifices in your life for this baby, the first may have to be handling this pregnancy by yourself. It seems scary and wrong now but when he is making good money and not working some 80 hours a week trying to do it he will be a strong role model for the baby and good support for you.

Answer 3

Why are you not with him at college? They have housing for couples and couples with children. Also, is he happy that you are having his child? If so, then don't rag on him. To make a good living, a college degree is very important today.

The time that you will want him around more is right after you have the baby. You will need his assistance and companionship. Possibly he could take a short time off from school during that time.

While he is away at school, is he out partying with the boys or is he working in his spare time to help out financially with you and the child. I wish you all the luck in the world.

Answer 4

I have to agree with the bf that the future is important. Think about how many more job opportunitues he will have with a college education. The fact that he called your mother to discuss it shows that he is concerned and has a good sense of what is important. It would be nice for him to be with you for the birth, but honestly, the first year of a baby's life is all about mommy. You mom will be a much greater asset to you during baby's first year than any man. I understand that you miss him and you want to share all the pregnancy and birth things with him, and yes, it's hard to be apart at this time. But from everything you said, he sounds like a smart guy with good priorities...a real keeper. Try to be strong here... you have other supportive people around you.
Think of it this way: "temporary inconveniece, permanent improvement."

Good luck to you all!

Answer 5

Well I agree that he should be there with you helping you through the pregnancy, but on the other hand he is getting his education so he can find a good job and support you and the baby....Its really a catch 22 because you are both right.....If it was me I would let him go ahead and finish college so he can find a good paying job...Just be strong, tough it out and it will all be ok! Good Luck!

Answer 6

Well your not married so he doesn't HAVE to be there. It would be nice if he was, He does need to continue college if you plan to have him support you and the child.

I would suggest that you perpare yourself to deal with this alone if he chooses to bail.

I am a divorced mom of 2 and pregnant with baby 3. The baby is inside of you, You do not need a man to take care of you while your pregnant. It would be a plus for him to be there to see his child born.

Why dont you want him away at college, are you scared he will find another girl? If that is a fear then your relationship was already in trouble.

Answer 7

As much as you want him to be there and he probably wants to be there, its true that his education will help you 2 out greatly in the long run. Babies are very expensive! I do think he should take some time to be with you and his child, but dont be mad that hes not there now. It sounds like he is thinking about his childs future and you are lucky to have someone like that.
Good luck!

Answer 8

It's too late for the father of your child to get cold feet. So it's time you assert yourself by inviting him to the courthouse for a marriage license and the over to the Justice of the Peace (next door) for a marriage certificate. That way, your child will be born within a marriage and not be one of the 1.5 million bastard children born each year. So for the sake of your child, your self-esteem, and his support physical and financial, get married now!Don't take "no" for an answer!

Answer 9

its hard he just want to provide the best for you and the baby obviously and thats going to involve alot of hard time apart.. im sure he will be with you and the baby when its time remember your pregnant and your emotional to so its not he doesnt want to be there with you he just wants the best for you both

Answer 10

Try talking to him againe and tell him you need help and cant do this on your own. Remind him that it took two people to do this and its going to take two people to raise this child. If that failes then it time you found a bloke who does like children like me, Couldent eat a whole one though!