My self-centered coworker...how to let her know sometimes she is too much?

Question

For one year I've been working with an abcolutelly delightful, kind and conciderate woman. She really is a great person, but all these qualities are hard to see because 95% of her conversation revolves around how beautiful and sexy she is. (which she actually is:) She would count how many men came to her at a zoo and then tell us, or tell in details how beautiful she looked yesterday and how a handsome stranger was hitting on her.
Well, we all have these moments, and they make our life a little bit more fun, so I'll gladly listen to a story like this once a week, but not every day. She e-mails me her photos and then if I don't mention anything, asks how do I think she looks on a picture. She likes to talk so much, that I can't finish 2 sentences in a row, she interrupts and starts talking about herself. I've tried giving her hints. It doesn't work, or she gets offended. (she is sensitive)

What do you think is the best way deal with her politely? We have to work in the same room.

Answer 1

I've worked with women like this before, and honestly, hot or not - they are fishing for compliments. They think they are the center of the universe. How you can say she is a "delightful, kind and considerate, great person" is beyond me. You said "95% of her conversation revolved around her and her beauty" - which means only 5% of what she talks about is how you are doing or related to work. This person is a meglomanic and narrcasist.

Only therapy can help a person like this. Believe me - I tried for years to do the same thing you asked here: Get through to her politely or at least as gentle as possible without hurting their feelings. It can't be done! (Not by us I mean.) This is only going to frustrate you to no end.

My advice is to, distance yourself from her and just keep the conversation to a minimum. Only talk to her when it's necessary and has to do with work. When she starts talking about herself just excuse yourself and say: "Sorry - I have a deadline. See you later!" and take off.

Ignore emails with photographs or email her back and say: "Denise, I'm really sorry, but I'm really busy and don't have time for these emails. I don't want to ge into trouble. Please don't send me emails like this anymore. Thanks! I really appreciate your understanding."

Eventually, she will get the message. Then one of 2 things will happen:

1.) She will leave you alone and latch on to someone else, and you can breathe a sigh of relief.

2.) She will approach you and say: "Is something wrong?" At this point you will FINALLY have an oppotunity to get through to her and say: "Look, I think you're a really nice person, but to be honest - it really bothers me that you boast about your looks all the time. I'm used to dealing with people who are more modest when talking about their appearance. I'm sorry if this hurts your feelings, but when you talk that way, you sound very shallow and concieted. You don't seem to be interested in what I have to say unless it's something about how you look - and I just can't do that anymore. Its just to much of an energy drain for me. Sorry, but thats the way I feel. I think you need professional help."

Good luck!

Answer 2

Here's a good way out. If you are willing to sacrifice a little pride.

Tell her (or send an email) that she is so beautiful and whatever else. Then say: Well.. the thing is I have some self esteem problems. I've been seeing a counselor but I don't really want to talk about it. I don't know how to say this but sometimes when you tell me how many guys talk to you or send me beautiful pictures of yourself I get kinda down on myself. If you wouldn't mind can we have some kinda truce, I don't think it's my place, but would you mind limiting that kind of conversation with me, just until I figure this out.

Bet ya that'll work.

Answer 3

Hmmm? I thought they were also seen as the push overs or passive? I guess it depends on the Pisces. But yeah I know a few Pisces girls who can be really mean and selfish. My one friend has a Scorpio moon, Cancer rising, too. I've never seen her lose her temper. When she gets mad, she can be really snappy and bitchy. She can be selfish too-- she will be pushy if she doesn't get what she wants. No, she doesn't have ANY Leo or Aries in her chart or at least in her main signs. She's actually very shy but despite her being shy, she has a lot of friends. This girl is: Pisces sun, Scorpio moon, Cancer rising, Pisces Mercury, Aquarius Venus, Aquarius Mars, Cancer Jupiter, Capricorn Saturn, etc.

Answer 4

Spend less time with her and if you happen to be in the middle of something which doesn't include her than excuse yourself. Subtle things like that may or may not go unnoticed. She seems like a friend, as well as a co-worker, than there will be an opportunity to let her know how you feel about her self-absorption.

P.S. You mentioned a zoo. If she was at a zoo, where lots of men, women, and children flock, they may have mistaken her for one of the unique, rare species to the exhibits...

Answer 5

Congrats, you've gotten stuck with a human leech (1). They attach to their hosts and remain there until they become full, at which point they fall off to digest.

Option nº1: Is she single and are you interested in her (and vice versa)? If so, wake up and ask her out. Either she accepts and both of you win or she gets put out and doesn't pester you anymore. It's a win-win scenario.

Option nº2: If, you're not single, surround yourself with pictures of your spouse (daughter) and start raving about how your spouse (or daughter) is perfect and how others, in your eyes, can't approach her perfection in beauty. Example, if she asks what do you think about my eyes? Your response should be they're almost as good as Louise's (or whatever the family member's name is). A few shots of this and she'll stop.

Answer 6

This person has a lot of nice qualities. She does seem a bit insecure since she is constantly asking for reassurance.

Would it be possible to sit her down during lunch for example and have a heart to heart? You can tell her what you've told us. I didn't read anything mean or hurtful in your explanation.

You can bring up her good qualities and say, she needs to lighten up on the "me, me, me" thing. Perhaps appeal to her generous and caring spirit- give someone else a chance to talk.
She may need some counseling to work on her insecurities and her need to have constant attention. Will any of your other coworkers help in the "intervention?"


Good luck.

Answer 7

She sounds painfully insecure. The reason she is so sensitive is because she is a classic Narcissist, which is often confused for someone that is in love with themselves, when in fact they need constant approval from others to feel worthy at all. This woman is a vampire. I would seriously reassess what you're getting from this relationship.

Answer 8

Sorry, but someone who dominates all conversations with tales of how beautiful and sexy she is is NOT "delightful, kind, and considerate." More fitting adjectives would be "overbearing, boorish, and self-involved."

When she interrupts you, say firmly, "Excuse me, please let me finish." And then finish what you had to say.

Tell her please not to e-mail you any more photos because you want to focus on your work and it's distracting.

She'll get the message.

Answer 9

She's stuck on herself and that's totally unappealing. She can be the most beautiful woman in the world but if she's that self-centered, she's a worthless human being. No one is that hot.....sorry.

Answer 10

"Excuse me, but I really have to finish what I am doing."

Every time she opens her self-serving mouth, politely tell her what is typed above.