What's the funniest joke ever?

Answer 1

Two drunks are walking down the street and see a dog licking himself.
the first drunk says "man i wish i could do that"
the second drunk says " you can, but i would pet him first"

Answer 2

Try one of these...

(1)Here's one that's a bit vulger and long:

There's a trucker driving along the highway in Nevada, and he starts to get really horny. He then sees a sign for a Brothel (whore house) 10 miles away. He begins to get very excited when he spots a note at the bottom of the sign which says: "Beware of Sandpaper Sally." He thinks this is a bit wierd but keeps driving and gets hornier and hornier. He finally gets to the Brothel, throws money down on the table, and says: "I want a whore." to which a woman repeats: "Okay, but the only girl we have left is Sally." He decides to take the offer and runs up to the room he's told Sally is in. He opens the door and sees the prettiest blond he's ever seen in his life, throws her down on the bed and procedes to have his way with her when he notices that she is a bit rough and dry down there. He asks what's wrong with her and she gets up and goes to the bathroom. She comes back and they start again. He says that it feels great and asks what she did. To which she replies:"I picked the scabs."

(2)Here's another:

Two guys are sitting at the bar, guy 1 turns to guy 2 and says, "I f*cked your mom!"
The bar goes silent, and everyone turns and looks at the two guys.
Once again guy 1 says, "I f*cked your mom!"
To which guy 2 replies, "Shut up dad, you're drunk."

(3)...and another:

There's a man walking through the desert with only his camel, when suddenly he gets the urge to have sex. Seeing that there's no one around, he tries to screw the camel, but it runs off. He runs and catches up to it and the man and his camel keep treking through the desert, when all of a sudden he gets the urge again. The man tries to have his way with the camel again, and once again it runs off. He catches up again and they keep walking until they get to a road where he sees a car broken down. The man goes up to the car and sees three of the most breath taking young women he's ever seen in his life, and asks if he can help. The women say that if the man can fix their car that they'll do ANYTHING for him, so he takes a look at their car and gets it running. Stunned, the young women ask what he would like them to do. To which the man replies, "Can you hold my camel?"

(4)One more:

Three men get snowed in at a ski resort and have to get a room. When they get to the room, they notice that there is only one bed. They figure that this isn't a problem and that they'll share the bed. They wake up the next morning and the man sleeping on the right side of the bed said, "I had the best dream that this beautiful woman was jerking me off all night!"
The man who slept on the left side of the bed said, "That's wierd, I had the same dream!"
To which the man who slept in the middle replied, "Uh oh... I had a dream that I was skiing!"

Answer 3

3 fisher men went fishing one caut a mermaid the mermaid sed i will give you each a wish if you let me go, so the 1st fisherman asked for his intelligence to be doubled when he went home he started writing poetry and got rich and famous the 2nd fisherman asked for his intelligence tripled when he went home he started to play piano and got rich and famous the 3rd fisherman asked for his intelligence quadrupled the mermaid sed i don't think you will like the out come but the fisherman told her to do it any way when he went home he looked in the mirror and say he was a girl. (this is agents boys sorry guys)

Answer 4

A woman walks into a museum and looks at something. She thinks it totally stinks.

So she says to a staff, "Sir, that painting is the most ugliest thing I have ever seen."

The staff member answers, "Ma'am, that's a mirror."