A father with cancer.?

Question

I'm a 14 year old with a father with cancer. He's had cancer for a year now, but it's just now sinking in. How can I deal with this mentally. And no I don't wan't to see a councler, phsyciatrist...

Answer 1

I know you said you don't want to see a counsler, but take it from me...spend as much time with him as you can, and PLEASE see a counsler. I lost my father to cancer at age 9 and didn't get any kind of "help" until I was 17, I was a very "angry" teenager. I did everything I knew to tick people off, I got into trouble daily, and ended up in jail at age 17 because of stupid choices and mistakes. I discovered after a year of counseling that a lot of my issues were due to the fact that I was mad at my dad for "leaving" me and the fact that I never got to say goodbye nor tell him I loved him. Back then (its been 23 yrs) I was told when he got sick (in January) that he would be okay. I believed everyone (my mom, the dr's), He was suppose to come home in October after months of surgery and chemo and radiation treatment, so I chose NOT to see him in the hospital. To make a long story short, he died the day he was to come home. It took me a long time to come to terms with his death and to come to terms with the way I acted when he was facing his final months. I should have gone to see him, but I chose to play with my friends instead. I was mad at myself and at him for years. The only way I got through it was with professional help. So please enjoy your time with him and get help now, so if he does happen to pass you won't feel guilty. Yes I can guarentee you will feel bad and angry and 1000 other things, but guilt won't be one of them, because you know now and can get the help you need now.

Answer 2

Well for starters, may I suggest ridding yourself of whatever irrational fear or concern you have with speaking to a counselor.

What you are confronting right now is HUGE. It's more than most 14 year olds are cable of handling. At your age, there's a good chance that you're not yet equipped with the coping mechanisms you need to deal with this correctly and yes, there are right and wrong ways to deal with a grave illness of a family member....more particularly, your father.

That you're asking for help is a good sign...at least you know that you don't have all the answers and really, when it comes to the possible death of a loved one, few of us mortals have the answers. How one handles a serious illness and maybe even the death of someone we care about, is idiosyncratic. By that, I mean how you handle it might be different from the way your sister does...or a cousin...or a friend. Allow yourself to feel...and I think that you're already doing that and right now, even though your father is still with you, there's mourning process that occurs when one is afflicted with a serious illness. God willing, your father will come out of this just fine, but for the time being, your coping with the loss of the relationship you had with your dad. The illness could mean you're not able to do the same things you and your father did. His pain threshold might be such that he's heavily medicated and maybe out of it more often than not.. And maybe, quite possibly his situation has left him very depressed. His predicament and the uncertainty of his future are tough things for your dad to endure..and it's also tough for his family. It's hard looking at your sick father...maybe the illness has taken it's toll physically and he's thin and wasting away. It's not easy to see this once very much alive and viable man, shrink to only a fraction of what he once was.

My best advice to you is to talk about what you feel...talk to your mom, siblings...good friends..a trusted teacher.. Don't keep this in. Ask questions and seek the answers. More importantly, own your feelings. Admit your scared. Also, walk a little proud. I sawy that because atone of the most difficult ages (14), you're capable of this showing much love and concern for another human being. I think that's admirable.

Lastly, it might not hurt to whoever of whatever you believe in. Just don't go this alone.

Spend as much time as you can with your father. Take advantage of the time you have with him. Make lasting memories for you both.

Also, remember that mirahles CAN and DO happen.

Stay strong. I pray your father takes the path he's meant to take.

Answer 3

It will a tough road ahead of you kiddo. My mother passed recently from cancer, I really don't know what to say other than we all have to cope in our own way. The answer for me was Yahoo Answers. I just sorta started answering others questions and it took my mind off missing her so much. I wish you the best I hope this helped a little.

Answer 4

You seem like you have been close to your father and that's good. He needs your love now more than ever. However he doesn't want you to be consumed by his sickness. Show him that you love him. Do things to make him more comfortable. Do this on a daily basis for him. You still must remember that your life needs to progress as well. Go out and do kid things too. Have fun with your friends. Your father knows you love him and that's important. At your father's passing you must remember one thing..."your father will never totally die he will be in your heart forever." Just as you will be in your children's hearts at your passing. God Bless You and your Dad.

Answer 5

Live life to the best. Tell ur dad you love him...alot.

Answer 6

poor thing i really dont know what to say only talk to your dad and say "dad im geting worried about you" he will proubly help

Answer 7

God can help you! God not only loves you but he is a healer.. cry out to God i promise he will answer...

Jesus loves you

Answer 8

you pray for the cure( ? life prolongation) or endure.

Answer 9

you have to