Do you think this is unfair?

Question

So, my boyfriend smokes marijuana and I don't approve of it. He has lied many times and told me he would quit, but he obviously doesn't want to. He told me yesterday that he was going to smoke whether I liked it or not and that he would do whatever he wants. I accepted it and we didn't fight (which is unusual for us). However, now I don't know what to do. We have been dating for more than a year and have been planning on spending the rest of our lives together. The problem is that I really don't see myself spending the rest of my life with someone who smokes. Well, we're supposed to move in together next fall. We are signing the lease soon. I want to live with him and have our relationship last as long as it can. But, if I tell him that I don't plan on marrying him anymore, he will be terribly upset and probably won't speak to me again. Do you think it would be unfair to live with him and not tell? I really love him and want to be with him for as long as I can.

Answer 1

Ok here's what happened to me. Not saying it's going to happen to you...but it's my story anyway.

I met a chick and quickly enough we moved in with each other. I knew she smoked pot but as I don't smoke or do drugs I disapproved of it (just like you) We also had huge arguments about it and I quickly discovered that drugs of any sort are very selfish.

It's all about me and it's all about how I feel. I don't really care about you because its my body my life and I cant do whatever I want with it.

Anyway, I came up with a compromise. She could smoke her pot as long as it wasn't around me or anything. First mistake cause she took it out to the shed in the back yard. Soon it was just a couple of cones in the afternoon then it turned into a couple in the morning as well.

The thing that turned the whole relationship over was the fact that her "friends" (I called them her dealers) didn't like me because, well I was trying to convince her to quit and they didn't like the thought of loosing their income! So they invited her to a party (which I wasn't allowed to go to - second mistake) of course a dealers party is going to have a heap of drugs available and apparently she was given some speed to try. She got addicted and I didn't even know it!!

So over the next few months she took speed while hiding it from me and slowly things started getting worse. She couldn't sleep which made her irritable and she'd get upset sometimes for no reason. We had huge arguments and I didn't even know what we were arguing about! Anyway, I moved into the spare bedroom after she cheated on me while I was asleep in bed (cause I had work early the next morning) and she had some "friends" over... I couldn't move out because I couldn't afford to live anywhere else and so I was stuck. Next thing I know she's moving out with her dealers (again she used the term "friends") and I thought I was finally free from the insanity. Nope!!

She took my car (third mistake) and disappeared. As it works out she went on a bender taking large amounts of speed. The doctors estimate that she didn't sleep for like 5 days and went into what they called a drug induced psychosis. She thought the radio was talking to her, she thought she was a part of the Sydney Olympics etc. What she did do was go through a red light and wrote off my car. She was unhurt and soon picked up by the police. She was soon released and spent the next four hours wandering around the suburbs of Sydney while I was driving there from Canberra (about 3 hours away) She was picked up and then taken to a psych hospital. And if you've ever seen someone in a psych ward I pity you because the first thing they do is drug you up so they can control you. So all these people are walking around like zombies, eyes half closed, drool out of the corner of their mouths and shuffling their feet. Worst experience of my life. Anyway, she spent the next three weeks in there and was later released. She came back home with me saying she was better now, but a week later went on another bender. This was the final straw and she was taken back into hospital and she remained there for two more months. After that I rarely saw her, but she kept telling me that she was clean....every time I asked it was a different time to when she had last used any drugs. See in her mind now she doesn't associate pot with her problems she just thinks speed is bad...but in my opinion drugs are drugs and they are all bad! I haven't seen or herd from her in like two/three years now and the last I heard she has actually been diagnosed as bi-polar. See they say that drugs don't do anything to you...but if you have a pre condition to something it will more than likely bring it out.

Anyway, again I'm not saying this is going to happen to you and I'm not trying to scare you...but please be very careful. I ended up $21,000 in debt because of this and have only recovered from it 6 years later. As to what you should do, everyone has their own path to walk and I cant suggest to you what path to take...but you do need to keep your eyes open for the signs. As I said drugs are selfish...and so should you be too!

Answer 2

you love him but does he love you? thaz the question if he really truly loved you he would take ur advice and quit smoking dont you agree? i mean yall supposebly wana spend ur whole lives together when you know that its not going to work because of his smoking. i mean you may really care for him but in order to love and care for some one they gotta love and care for themselves. also think of the consequences involved with "weed" he can be high one day and drive while your in the car and boom car accident. Do you really want to be the neighbor of who always has the cops over at your house? as an ex marijuana smoker i know all the side effects and thier not pretty if you smoke enough weed you can devolop lung cancer cuz it has 40 times more niccotine than a normal cigarette. plus weed makes you really depressed do u want a man who is always sad and negative all the time? or do you want a man who is strong and has alot going for him self and cares about ur opionions and concern. what im seeing here is that your boyfreind just dosent give a fukkk

hope dis helps you peace!

Answer 3

If your planning to marry him and move in together, he must really love you. However drugs can sometimes make the addicts do things they truly wouldnt do as themself. You've gotta make him understand this tho, (you too!) being in a serious relationship like that means giving up things for eachother and making sacrifices. If he isnt willing to give up marijuana for you, he isnt willing to love you enough to make this thing work. if he truly, seriously loves you, he'll be willing to get help for his addiction. Otherwise, he isn't the right man for you. You need someone who will respect you and your needs and wants. If he doesn't quit, i would tell him that its not going to work(dont believe him if he says he'll quit for good, he'll start right back up again as soon as u two get settled, i know from experience. There are a lotta fish in the sea. I hope this helps. Blessings! *pringlez555*

Answer 4

Get out now, tell him, that he has made his decision, and under those terms, of not wanting to stop smoking, you do not care if I leave or not. Say I was hoping that our relationship was going places, but if I accept you smoking, and move in, I would not be able to take it. Say I love you, but I think it would be best to go our separate ways. Now you have to mean it, because druggies, can talk a line, and pull you in with them. Be strong and move on!

Answer 5

alright, first of all...what are you thinking about when you are in love with a drug addict that cant give up smoking for you...he apparently wants you just for the company, or a trophy...but you saying you love him is the same as throwing your life away...you want to spend the rest of your lives spending all the money you ever made on his waste of a life? maybe you should date one of those nerdy guys...they normally only have a computer but theyd give that up anytime to be with a girl...I mean really...a real live girl? theyd love it...unlike your current boyfriend...but thats just my opinion

Answer 6

If I were you, I would seriously consider cutting this guy loose. This marijuana smkoing may just be the beginning of a journey to other drugs, and I mean the hard stuff, like crack, heroin, etc.While you are thinking about it, do not sign, or co-sign into buying any big ticket items, or renting an apt.

Answer 7

Sometimes loving people is accepting their flaws. I dated a girl for three months who smoke cigarettes and I hated it. The point is if you truly like someone you take them with their flaws and all. Plus if smoking weed isn't messing with his personal or professional life then there's no problem. He's not hurting anyone but himself! I'm pretty sure it's something that you do that your BF hates but he deals with it!

Answer 8

First of all you don't need to be with a guy who smokes marijuana. That is really gross. How can you kiss him without getting sick? Smoking ciggarettes is one thing but marijuana? If it bothers you which I say that's good but if it does then you need to break up with him if he doesn't repect you enough and your relationship to quit. You need to quit the relationship. Don't put up with it if it bothers you. Do the smart thing and break up with him before you two move in.

Answer 9

Grrr.. I have gotten like 3 or 4 violations because the trolls don't like my honest responses to their idiotic questions. Oh and my question got deleted. I asked If we all jumped up at the same time, would it make a fat kid in China fall down? And some girl was like you have a complex and are insecure blah blah blah and then Y!A deleted my question because it was inappropriate. I was just curious!!!

Answer 10

Are you serious? You would live with and amarry a man who lies to you, and disses you enough that he is willing to break the law?

Give the loser a long rope, and move on with your life before it is too late and you have child with him... then the child support money will be smoked up in joints.

Read my lips: Move on.