This is a question for men?

Question

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. We are good together but we have one problem. He does not like when I start talking about our relationship. Whenever I want to talk about us, he always avoids the topic? There have been occasions when he would answer my questions I needed to know but apart from that I find it uneasy when I want to talk to him about us. Can you please explain to me why does he do that? He says if we have to always talk about us. Is it because he does not care, he says he does. or is it because this relationship is not important to him, he says it is. Or is it because he does not love me, he says he does. Or is it because he is not serious about me? I mean I just don't understand it.

Answer 1

Men are oftern jerks. So are women. It's a shame really. Sigh.

Answer 2

A lot of men have trouble with their emotions.

Women are words people.
Men are deeds people.

A man can support and protect a woman for 50 years and if she doesn't hear the words "I love you" at least 10 times a day the guy is a jerk.

Women can say "I love you" and that is supposed to completely erase any transgression or impropriety and make everything OK.

A man marries a woman for what she is. She says I do and promptly changes. This upsets the man.

A woman marries a man for what she can make him into. He promptly refuses to undertake the changes she expects. This upsets the woman.

A woman gets a divorce, looses 100 lbs, puts on some make up and goes husband hunting.

A man gets a divorce, take a shower, shaves, buys some descent clothes and goes wife hunting.

I have been married for over 35 years and I can tell you boy and girls something.

A woman should marry a doll that, when squeezed, says "I love you".

A man should marry a robot capable of doing a few tasks without screwing up.

If this happened I think the world would be a happier place.

Answer 3

Just what aspect of your relationship are you trying to discuss with him?
Stop and think why you feel the need to talk about it. If he didn't care he would not be there and I also think if it wasn't important or he didn't love you he would not be there.
It would help to know how old both of you are, maybe you just are somewhat insecure and need the constant confirmation from him.
Obviously men are a whole different breed, they don't tend to express themselves verbally.
Don't try to "understand" so much, if it's a good relationship without fighting, cheating, abuse, etc. just be happy for the moment and see where it takes you.

Answer 4

Girl! Believe it or not, I am in the same boat currently. I hate having *issues* I feel I want to bring up, and when I do, it already feels like I'm walking on eggshells. When we finally do talk about *us* , he flinches and or says his piece (ie, he can *try*, but it's very unlikely he will budge on it to fix things), and/or heaves a heavy sigh to say *I dont want to deal with this/you/the situation*-proceeded by a whole *silent* moment and leaving the room for the following 8-10hrs. Im mean WTF?? Communication is key!!What good is a bf/relationship if you cannot even simply go to your partner to discuss what things bother you, only to have them avoid the topic/you??...When/if you ever figure this one out, let me know...

Answer 5

Us guys aren't really into the shoe-gazing thing.We don't always share our feelings too readily.My gf says i should "open up" more.For sure she always initiates the relationship subject.But i'm more than happy to talk about it.We've absolutely no probs whatsoever & we're together almost a year & a half.
You do seem to have communication probs for sure.That's a recipe for disaster & opens up a world of trouble.Get him to take you out for dinner or a drink.Sit him down & ask what's wrong he won't relate or "open up" to you.Tell him one-way relationships don't work.It takes 2 ppl to make a go of it.The best of luck to you!

Answer 6

When you, a female, say you want to talk about "us" as a couple that automatically throws up a red flag in my mind, because women have a tendency to overthink and over analyze things especially of that nature, and I can already tell you the kind of girl to take "talking about us" and find something he says and make a stupid fight out of it, I can tell because if things are going great and him not wanting to "talk about us" is a problem then you are the one the made a problem out of it, he simply wants things to stay like they are and it seems like you are fishing for drama.

Answer 7

Hmm... He is afraid of communication.

Why would he be afraid to communicate? Afraid of what he might say? Afraid that he would say the wrong thing?

Here's what I think. You are dealing with somene who is either not mature enough for a relationship or it's possible he's hiding his true feelings from you.

Now, since communication is the key to every relationship, you cannot have one without it. Relationships take trust, honesty, respect, communication, commitment, co-operation and compromise. Without communication you can't have any of the others.

You want to know where this relationship is going. You cannot make an open ended commitment without the trust that it is shared.

You know what you want, but you don't know what it is he wants.

You cannot plan for a future together because two people never agree on everything all the time, they have to compromise. And without communication you can't compromise.

Without communication there is no honesty.

Without honesty there is no trust.

Without trust there is no respect.

You see where I am getting here.

Now, you need to brace yourself for this. It's possible that he doesn't want to discuss your relationship because he's the worst kind of Dog. He's getting what he wants & will keep you involved with him as long as it is easy and he's getting what he wants.

My gut feeling is this one will not leave without a fight. You have got to get him to communicate. You've got to get some commitment from him or you'll still be in this situation in 3 more years.

Don't let him tell you he has issues with his feelings. Don't let him tell you he doesn't like to communicate. If he loves you he will. I don't like folding clothes... But if that is what I need to do, I'll do it. I don't like house work, but if that is what it takes to make my wife happy, that is what I do. If he wants to make you happy, he will talk to you about his feelings.

If he isn't willing to do this, you need to break up and move on.
I cannot say that strongly enough. If he isn't willing to build the foundation for a strong relationship, stop wasting your time with him.

Good luck.

A~

Answer 8

If he's never liked talking about it I would say that it is because hes like most guys and just doesn't like to talk about stuff like that. It's not one of our needs, in fact most where I come from just plain ol' don't like the subject, but if this is a recent occurence then I would say something's up and you need to watch him or ya might end up getting hurt.

Answer 9

It is probably because he is very happy with you and thinks the relationship is fine; ergo nothing to talk about and finds talking about the happy relationship a tad boring.

Or

He just doesn't like talking about about emotive subjects etc, some guys just don't.

Or your right its your call, ask one of his friends or someone who knows him, see what they think.

Answer 10

if he's making you seem unhappy then it isnt the relationship for you...it may be that he is just bad at dealing with issues to do with relationships and whilst is happy being in a relationship he doesnt like to deal with the responsibility that brings, henceforth talking about it makes him feel smothered. you dont say how old you both are maybe his age is playing a part in his attitude...that could be physical and mental age!!!

Answer 11

Of course he loves you!! I personally think that is a very awkard topic! Try giving him a hug or a kiss if he loves you he will let you hug or kiss him but if he moves away than i would take that as a hint! I don't know why i feel that it is an awkward topic it just is. sorry if this didn't help u??