Was this fair?

Question

Yesterday I had to spank my son. Today he had some friends over to our house. My daughter and one of her friends started teasing him. Apparently they were saying stuff like show us your bottom, etc. He came to me almost in tears in embarrassment.

I decided to give my daughter a taste of her own medicine and give her a spanking in front of the rest. Because it was not in private I let her keep her pants on--but used the paddle to make sure the message connected.

I think this was fair. What say?

I am asking the question because I don't really believe in unnecessarily spanking kids by spanking them in front of others. But in this case I thought it was appropriate Just wanted some feedback on whether I was right on this one--by adding some embarrassment--"the taste of her own medicine". There is no question in my mind she deserved the spanking.

Typo on above detail: first line should read:I am asking the question because I don't really believe in unnecessarily EMBARRASSING kids by spanking them in front of others.

Later after posting this I got a call from the Mom of my daughter's pal (who was also involved in the teasing)--she opened her mouth about what happened. We agreed on the appropriate response--and apparently that girl is not sitting pretty right now.

Justice served all around I think.

Answer 1

Jeez, Can I live in your neighborhood? lol. I to don't think spanking should be done in front of others, however there are exceptions to every rule, this is one of them. I totally agree with you, she thought it would be funny to embarrass her brother in front of his friends, instead what she got, was embarrassed in front of one of hers!! Gosh the fact that the other mom followed through as well. WOW, like a breath of fresh air. Reminds me of when I was young.

Good Work!

Answer 2

Fairness and Necessary can be 2 very different things, yes you may have made the ends fair for the children but fairness is not the way life is lived anymore. If one of your children hit someone, would it be ok for the other one to? Even if it was not hard? This may show a bad example to the children. Punishment for children is hard now a days I think the best route is to give 10 minte time outs, add on in 5 minute intervals for acting out during time outs, or take away privaliges. IE tv or video games, or friends coming over, how about if 1 person could not play during family night? That would give the child time to think hey if i didnt do this then I would have been down there playing ....... with mom and dad and my borther/sister. I am not saying that what you did was necessariyl wrong, but that it might lead to other problems. Goodluck!

Answer 3

So when you say yesterday you had to spank your son did you do it in front or near your daughter? It looks like she knew about it then I'm guessing she told her friend and started teasing her brother. This is such a silly situation I'm amazed at some of the responses, some guy compared your handling of the situation to the 1700's? Wow, whipping is not spanking. I was spanked as a kid when I was bad and it isn't a big deal, it isn't abuse, you are simply disciplining your child. This is something I think not enough parents do anyway. Ok, so from the rest I gather you spanked your son with your hand but he didn't have his pants on and your daughter was with a paddle because she had her pants on. I dunno how big the paddle was but if it was a ping pong paddle and you weren't too rough with her I see nothing wrong with it at all. I just think it is a little unfair to do it in front of everyone, usually discipline is a private matter. At least it always was that way for me growing up. Usually kids will get the message if you discipline in private as well. I don't think you did anything too bad doing it in front of everyone, they'll surely forget about it in a few days anyway because they are only kids and they have other things on their mind. I hope this helps.

Answer 4

I'm in my 30s and a lot of students I went to school with were spanked. Everyone turned out fine and didn't suffer any long-term psychological problems, and no one thought it was abusive. When kids are coddled too much, they sometimes can't be reigned in. I understand why people are saying that you should teach them to love others, but no doubt you've been doing that all along. Some behaviors warrant other methods then telling kids to be nice. Once they are 18, if they aren't nice to other people, someone's not going to say they should be kinder. So paddling her in front of the other kids might not have been the best, but at the same time, she'll get over it and not have her life wrecked because you taught her a lesson.

Some of the posters wrote that what you did was against the law. There's a distinct difference between abuse and handling your child with a firm hand, and you weren't by any means abusive or breaking the law.

Answer 5

I think you were wrong. Poor decision and bad parenting skills. Teaching children lessons through humiliation is disgusting and especially by spanking them and with a paddle. I can clearly see this whole spanking thing doesn't work. You are doubting yourself and you probably feel ashamed which you should. Using a paddle is ABUSE! You want to hear all the pro-spankers to commend you on a job well done and stroke your ego so you don't feel bad? Your poor children! What kind of an outcome to you expect from this? The message you send to your kids is a negative, embarrassing, humiliating one. What you describe is all about you and what you care about. Not your children's well being. They are going to suffer low self-esteem and have anger issues. It is almost like you are bragging!

Answer 6

Sometimes that kids need to be lectured for their miss behave and wrong doing. Punishment infront of the guest especially his/her friends will either give positive or negative effects. Some children will feel vengeance in thier heart for what their parents did to them in front of the guests. In my oppinion, giving the first warning like telling her what is right and what is not right in the room 1st will be better as this will at least give her 1st warning so she can learn from her lesson. If she still doesnt get it, like what you said, punishment in front of the guests is necessary. My parent also did this to me when i was young but at least they will lecture me 1st in the room bfor the following punishment for my second misdeed. When i complaint it, they will just say " I did warning you in the room but you didnt learn your lesson!". Well, did kept my mouth shut because i did not learn the lesson from the previous lecture and now i deserve the humiliation in front of the guest. So i really really learn from this 'humiliation' and start to be more careful when i do something. Of cause i can tell you that i am from the Chinese race, so the moral values and behaviour should be more strict then others races because the Chinese always put the behave and moral values in the 1st place than others. But in this modern century, dealing with kids is stressfull. So, in other words, try to at least give your children a chance to learn from their lesson before punishment began. ; )

Answer 7

You LET your daughter keep her pants on??? Well that's a sigh of relief...

Too bad I'm being sarcastic, because you are a terrible person. You spank your kids bare-assed WITH A PADDLE in front of their friends??? You should be arrested for child battery or assault. This isn't the 1700's anymore when people were whipped for wrongdoings...this is the 21st century.

When your daughter gets beaten in the a.ss with a paddle, all that teaches her is to beat her kids to a pulp when she is a parent. She doesn't learn her lesson that way. Plus, now instead of one child in tears YOU HAVE TWO. You just doubled your problem.

This is a TERRIBLE way to punish your kids. What ever happened to "Go to your room"?

Answer 8

Yes... I believe it was fair, but yet their are other ways to resolve issues or put a point accross...Like for instance...In a situation like this I would have said something that was a little embarassing to your daughter and shared it with her friends...Grant it I don't know the ages of your children so I can't really give alot of help. But you can keep telling her friends things of that nature and then after a little while tell them it was just a lesson being taught. Etc. etc and so on and so forth I hope you get the point.

Answer 9

Giving her a spanking is one thing...

Having a "Public Lynching" is another...

Yes she deserved to be punished but the punishment should fit the crime...and doing that to her in front of everyone is just ridiculous...she would have been just as devastated if you had sent her friends home and sent her to her room...

What did your son do to deserve the spanking?

I hope it was more severe than some harmless teasing.

You are teaching your kids that they shouldn't express themselves near you because they are leaving themselves open to a "public execution" and that retaliation is ok.

I don't think what she did warranted a spanking...punishment yes...but not that...

Spanking should be reserved for the biggies...Lying, stealing, repeated disobeying....that kind of thing.

And a parent should NEVER publicly humiliate a child...you are supposed to be their hero...not another person they need to be scared and self conscious around.

Shame on you mama.

Answer 10

You did the right thing. Your daughter learned her lesson. Either she'll forgive you when she's older or she'll always remember her lesson. You sounds like a good parent to me. Your judgement seems fit for the situation. I'm sure both of your kids will turn out great and hopefully they'll take after their mother. ;-)

Keep up the good work.