Our relationship has been GREAT- amazing. Everything I could hope for.. until recently. We are getting married in two months and I really think he is getting cold feet. He keeps expressing this need to 'experience new things' and how he doesnt want his young life to go down the drain and how he doesnt care about our relationship anymore.. but when we sit down and talk about it he says he does want to marry me and does want to be with me and takes it all back.. is he just freaking out?? He is 21 too btw- I dont control him or anything, i let him go out with his friends and do whatever he wants really... I dont understand where all this is coming from... Do you think its cold feet? or should I just cancel everything and move on to someone who wont say these things to me?? Again- we have always had an AMAZING great relationship with so much love and trust- i dont understand whats happening...
2007-02-22 09:42:17 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
My grandmother use to tell me if you have any doubts , don't do it. My friend John who is older than me , told me that his father told him, in life, when you are making decisions in the things you do, have fun, but don't do anything that will effect the rest of your life, that you will regret. I feel that i agree with you that when you love someone you don't say things like that unless you have some things in mind that you would like to experience, knowing guys, it is probably other women. But he has probably been talking to his boys, who are asking him about other women and stuff like that which is normal at that age. Meanwhile, i know you guys are in love, and probably heard it before, but if you're really in love then you can wait a few years. If this doesn't help you, then what i would do is ask myself, what i find important in a relationship, because you are just as important as him, and if he is already telling you he wants to experience things, even if it was a fleeting thought, then maybe he should. Maybe because you love him sooooo much you can tell him that you would like to help him get these experiences, and use psychology on him, but mean it. Let him go, this way when he is finally ready in a few years you will know it's for real. You do know that we all have changes at certain points in out life where our opinions about things change and our taste changes, and so on. So maybe you deserve someone that wants to be with you for the rest of their life and has no doubts? Think about that. Maybe he loves you but not the way you deserve to be loved.
2007-02-22 09:59:28 · answer #1 · answered by Lovely 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To be honest, I think 21 is too young to get married for most people. You have a WHOLE LIFE ahead of you and getting to live that life and do all the things you want to do before settling down will make you a much better spouse and parent, because when that happens, you really do have to put a lot of your plans and dreams on hold for a while. The first time I got married, I was 19. The marriage lasted almost 7 years. During that time, I saw my friends traveling, starting careers, dating, etc. I felt so left out and so old. By the time I divorced and was looking to make up for lost time, my friends were beginning to settle down. "Letting" someone have their nights out with their friends is no substitute for maturity. I have to hand it to him for realizing that he is not ready for this right now. If your love is so "amazing," can't it last until you both know without a shadow of a doubt that you are ready for marriage?
2007-02-22 09:50:27 · answer #2 · answered by Emily Dew 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems like nerves except it bothers me that he says he doesnt care about your relationship anymore. I think you should make it very clear to him that you are not going to spend the rest of your life with someone who is unsure if they care about you. You deserve to be loved and have the best relatioship possible, tell him that if he really does love you and care about you enough to spend the rest of his life with you he needs to stop saying these hurtful things because it is only going to hurt your relationship. And remind him that his "young life" isn't going down the drain. Young married couples can have a great life together because you can ago out and experience these new things together. Good luck- I hope everything works out for you!
2007-02-22 11:38:34 · answer #3 · answered by aly 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he's been getting the 3rd degree from his buddies. They're pboably telling him he's way too young and shouldn't be getting married yet. If that is the case, it sounds like he let it get to him and is now having serious doubts. Postpone the wedding until he can feel like he's really making the right deicsion. Even if YOU know you have a great relationship, it seems like he's lost that confidence and needs some time.
Whatever you do - don't just get married thinking it'll fix it. It'll only make things worse.
2007-02-22 10:57:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How long have you two been together?? I'd say that is a major factor here...
If it's been awhile (1 year or more) then I'd say it's cold feet. But I can only imagine how that must make you feel.
Tell him these things hurt your feelings and make you wonder. Give him a way out - if that is truly what he wants and if not, ask him could he please use another means of communicating - like : "hon - I'm scared"
Hang in there...
2007-02-22 09:48:03 · answer #5 · answered by kdgbng 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like cold feet but you really need to discuss and tell him if he doesn't want to get married then tell you now so that you can cancel everything don't wait until a couple of days before the wedding to cancel it.
Good Luck!
2007-02-22 09:46:33 · answer #6 · answered by butterflybaby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definately talk to him about it if you still want to be together. It does sound like cold feet but getting married should be like a beginning in your lives, not an end of a closure. You can both get out and experience new things - together! Good luck
2007-02-22 09:46:15 · answer #7 · answered by blueponywhiteduck 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You only want to marry someone who really wants to marry you back...with no doubts or hesitations. If he's expressed any doubt and you try and somehow discredit or dismiss those feelings and they are in fact real, it will only postpone the inevitable -- in fact, I believe it will only make it harder. It's got to be one of the hardest things to call off a wedding, especially if you don't want to, but the reality is, he's obviously stuggling with the task himself otherwise he'd not just drop hints in hopes that you might call it off for him. At the very least, consider postponing the wedding until you're both sure what you want.
2007-02-22 10:03:56 · answer #8 · answered by Shorty 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm, he may want out but may not want to hurt your feelings by actually telling you. Why dont you extend your engagement for a while, what is the rush to get married? you guys are still so young, it takes a while to really know what you want from life, and at 21, it doesnt seem like you both yet know exactly what that is
2007-02-22 09:50:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's normal to get nervous. My fiance and i were supposed to get married this last december, but decided to postpone it to make sure everything was right. I was the one doing like your fiance is, and since we postponed it, i feel so much better. Our relationship was always great, but tthings are even better now. It was a stress to postpone it, but it was definately worth it to make sure we were both completely ready for it. If you love him, you won't move on, maybe you should just cancel it and wait for him. That's what my fiance is doing for me. Marriage is a big thing, and you always hear people say "i wish we would have waited longer to get married" but rarely ever hear someone say "i wish we would have not waited to get married" If the time is right, you BOTH will know, and if it's not then don't force it.
2007-02-22 09:47:40 · answer #10 · answered by Andii 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋