How do I tell my friends to stop with the wedding stuff?

Question

My boyfriend & I have been together since freshman year of college, which was 4 1/2 years ago. Lately everytime I talk to a friend they ask if we are engaged yet. While I am anxious to get engaged to him (it will be somtime this year, I have no idea when) I am getting sick of everyone asking. On top of that I recently found out that at least once a month a few of my girlfriends talk about our wedding & what a huge & great party it is going to be. I have found out from a few other friends as well that they are expecting this great party. I am starting to feel pressured to throw this amazing & entricate wedding & while I am sure my wedding will be wonderful & fun & coordinated becuase that is the kind of person I am, I am getting sik of the pressure & being asked when are we getting engaged. Now his family is starting! How do I get them to stop? I have an obbsessive personailty & I am already starting to obsess about the wedding. I worry what will happen when we actually plan it

Answer 1

That would drive me crazy too! I would politely let them know that discussing wedding plans is causing worry and you don't want to "jinx" anything. Be appreciative though that they think highly of you to have such a great wedding but to slooow down that nothing's even happened yet. Explain this to your bf and let him know his parents are on that same track and to have him slow them down as well. He'll be greatful to hear that you don't want to "rush" into it and that you've politely told your friends that too and that you have enough respect to ask him his parents to stop.

Answer 2

Oh, this sounds familiar! My fiance and I dated for almost 9 years. So every family event, gathering of friends, anything and everything was all about our non-existent wedding. I feel for you! I would even dread getting together with old friends because I knew that would be the main topic and I was just so annoyed after a while. I got to a point whenever people would ask me I would just simply respond with "never"... and they would shut up after that...lol. Just don't feed into it...because then it will get worse.

Now that we are planning the wedding, our moms are going crazy and killing us... Just remember when you do get engaged and start the planning....You and your fiance set your boundaries and stick to them! We discussed everything from what kind of feel we want, how many people, what time of year.. And we are committed to that. So no matter how much our moms push for other things, we have our boundaries and stand together.

Hang in there!

Answer 3

I have so been in your position. My (now) husband and I dated for four years before getting engaged, and since we're both 30-ish, EVERYONE was asking when we'd get engaged. When people asked me, I finally just started saying, "I don't know - you should ask him."

As for the planning, just tell them to let's all take one step at a time. Even once you get your ring, you should enjoy being engaged for a little while. As my husband says now about wedding planning, "It's a train that once you get on, you can't get off."

Good luck and remember that your relationship is the most important thing in ALL of this.

Answer 4

You are letting this get to you FAR too much! Who cares if people ask? They just want to see you happy, but if you aren't there yet that's all you have to say. And about planning an intricate wedding - why would you feel pressured? The wedding is for the bride and groom, not the guests! Stop letting it get to you. If you need to tell them to back off, then do it!

Answer 5

Oh girl, I'm in your shoes! EVERYONE, even my pastor, is asking about when I'm going to get engaged and it drives me bonkers. You might want to come up with a cute reply that will also tell them you don't want to talk about it. For a while, my boyfriend and I said "Well, we've petitioned the Pope to marry us and we don't feel it's appropriate to announce an engagement until we have official confirmation from the Vatican." That shushed people for a while.

As for the party expectations, there really is little you can do until you start with the planning. At that point, if anyone starts in on "oh, aren't you going to do/have such-and-such," you can calmly ask if they want to pay for that as your wedding gift. Honestly, that stuff drives me nuts. I want a nice wedding too, but isn't the MARRIAGE the really important thing here?

Try to keep your sense of humor and feel free to tell your friends and family to back off. Good luck!

Answer 6

I hear you. I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years now. My big dilemma is his younger brother is getting married in April. At every gather, picnic, party any family or social event somebody from his family asks me that some question. When are you two going to get married. I am so sick and tired of them asking me. I do hope that someday he decides to pop the question. I would tell your friends to chill. It will be decided when you and your boyfriend decide. If they want something lavish and expensive, well it's on them for thinking before hand. You just have to set your foot down and tell them that it bothers you. I did and It worked for me... Good luck.

Answer 7

My friend has the same problem, she has been dating this guy for 10 plus years and they are not married yet. I was one the persons who use to ask. I just stop on my own because when I ask, she ignores me or changes the subject. Just tell them that they will be the first to know and you will need the help. Tell them just make sure you be there when you need them and everything will be fine.

Answer 8

next time someone says anything about it tell them to ask your boyfriend, and don't worry about it because when it does happen, the 2 of you will be eloping. even if you are not going to elope it will definately be the end of the subject.

Answer 9

you are going to have to confront your friends and tell them to stay out of your personal business. because it really is not none of their business until you make it so. yes it may come across as harsh and rude but the pressure that you are feeling is from their disucssions and whatnot. tell them that you don't appreciate them 'planning' your life for you.

Answer 10

Tell them to quit asking and start looking at your hand...then tell them untill they see a ring there to shut up!!!!!