HELP..my dauGhter is 4yrs. old..and does not listen at all...?

Question

I mean I really dont get her..why the hell does she refuse to listen to me..i say to her stop..come here..stop..dont do that..stop it..and she just does not listen..then i say to her i am going to get the belt..then maybe she will stop..and she has soo much energy from the time she wakes up to the minute she goes to sleep..why is she not listening... why..it really stresses me out..becasue i have to tell her stop like twenty times..then maybe just maybe she will stop....arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Answer 1

My daughter was the same way at 4, so I understand how you feel. Here is the best advice I can give.
OK, first of all, calm down, take a deep breath, and get ready. She is still learning what the rules are, and she is going to keep testing you until it becomes clear that you mean what you say. This means that if you don't want her to do something, you have to make sure she stops every time. Tell her to stop whatever it is she's doing, and if you can, why she should stop. At 4 yrs. old, she should be able to understand simple explanations of why she should or shouldn't do something. After you explain why she shouldn't do it, if she continues, STOP HER. If she goes back to doing what you don't want her to do, put her on time out for 4-5 minutes. If you are consistent in doing this, she should eventually quit doing that particular behavior. Unfortunately, you will probably have to do this for many different behaviors before she really gets the idea that you mean what you say. Also, you have to follow through on what you tell her.
You say that she has a lot of energy. Maybe she needs to get out and play with other kids. Are there any parks with playgrounds near you? Do you play with her actively? (wrestling gently, tickling, chasing, etc.) If not, this might be a good idea, as it will help her use her energy and may make her more willing to listen to you if she has these fun times with you.

If she sees you as just the mean parent, or she only gets attention from you when she misbehaves, she WILL NOT STOP the behaviors you don't like.

Also, it might help you to know that her behavior is NORMAL for a 4 year old.

Answer 2

You just might have to start getting mid-evil on her bottom. Time outs dont work for every child. Sometimes with smaller children like that you have to give them a taste of the belt (dont hurt them-its more of a scare thing). Spank them a couple times, then the next go around when you tell her to stop or shes gonna get a spanking she just might listen.
I know everyone doesnt agree with spanking, and i am not justifying child abuse. But a little tap on the backside is not abuse if done right. Like i said-its more of an attention getter than anything else. It worked for me when i was small. It works on other kids in my family. Why should spanking have been a good thing in our parents and grandparents day but a bad thing now?

Answer 3

You shouldn't have to tell her 20 times. If she doesn't listen the third time, you give her a count of three. If she hasn't done what she's told by three, you give her a swat on the butt with your hand. You are being far too lax on your discipline. You don't have to hit her hard. Spanking lightly damages their ego, which is a lot more painful than a serious whipping. Just one good swat is all you need. She'll start learning the rule of three, believe me. Don't let her guilt you into apologies, either. You're the parent, you're in charge. Small children will do everything to see how far they can get, and they are getting way out there with you.

Answer 4

I am having the same problem with my 4 year old. I actually just started doing races. When I want her to help with something we have a race and see who can pick up the fastest or get dressed to fastet. If she is really hyper and is talking back and not listening I will put her in her room for a while until she calms down. It usually works for a while because 5 minutes to a 4 year old is like 5 hours and she hates time outs. Good Luck.

Answer 5

Kids...gotta love 'em. No more sugar ok. First off. Don't lie to the kid. If you say your going to get the belt, get the belt. Nothing is worse than telling the kid your going to do such and such and not go through with it. Tells them that you won't go through with it and they take the chance. She's also 4 and wants attention. Try ignoring her. She'll notice that your not paying attention and most likely stop because she's wasting her time. A good swat doesn't her either to drive the idea home. Might want to get her checked for ADHD. But I don't think that will be an issue. Hope this helps.

The Syko Ward

Answer 6

The best bet is .. what I do with my 4 year old ... is I get up and walk over to her and tell her .. no, stop ... whatever. Personally physical harm isn't going to do much .. except have your child fear you... . But if you are threatening her with a belt and don't go threw it ... she knows that you aren't going to go threw with what you say you'll do.

Try time outs, instead of threatening her with a belt! And when you do tell her you are going to send her to time out ... actually get up and do it. It might be a hard road but it will work. Or maybe even try taking away a toy.

You daughter really sounds like she needs you to give her something to do. Kids that have nothing to do will be destructive.

Answer 7

Just by the way you're putting your words down i can tell theres a lot of frustration and she can feel that comming from you. That just makes things worse. She knows you'll be giving in to her.
Try just ignoring her until she gives up. When its bed time just put her in bed and make her stay there even if she screams until she falls asleep. The longer you stay on top and make her realize whos in control the sooner things will get better. For things that shes doing and isn't supposed to, find a chair and put it in a corner where its facing a wall...somewhere where shes really bored at. Make her sit there and use a timer to time her. The more she wines about that add 30 seconds on to it. She'll get the drift. Good luck..I have a 3 yr old and things are finally winding down for us now.

Answer 8

Children do best when they know what to expect.

I would suggest to give her a consequence for her actions, e.g. you don't listen to mommy, you need to stand in the corner for four minutes.

My mom always counted to three, and I knew I had to be behaving by the time she hit three or I was in trouble.

Consistency is also important. If she is punished two out of three times for behavior x, she is still going to try and get away with behavior x.

Are there activities that she can do to focus her energy on? What does she like to do? Is it feasible for you to enroll her in sports, or perhaps get a video from the library teaching her some dance moves.

Also, I strongly believe that moms need to take breaks. Get your partner or mom or friend to take her for a day so you can rejuvenate. I find it so much easier to be patient after having a break!

Answer 9

Do you have her in preschool, or any structured activities? She probably needs to be challenged more. Also, just be consistent in your discipline, whether it be time outs, or taking things away...
after she doesn't listen the first or second time, not the 20th time. She'll get the message you are serious. I have a 4 and 6 yyear old and I struggle with the same thing.

Answer 10

This happened to my son at about the same age. At my mothers request, I took him to have his hearing checked and he was almost deaf from fluid in his ear. He never had an infection that would have let me know there was a problem with his ears. After having tubes put in, he was back to normal. I even took him back in a few years later when he wouldn't listen to me again. This time the Dr. told him he had no excuse, his hearing was fine. LOL