Rude to order expensive dinner?

Question

My man took me out for my birthday. He said, "get whatever" you want. So I ordered the Surf n' Turf ($25). He got really mad at me. He asked me if my dad would get mad if I did that to him, and I said no, because if my dad (who is a cheapskate) said "get whatever you want" he would let me even if it was expensive. I mean, it was my birthday! So was I rude or was he?

He also brings it up every time we go out to dinner (I should probably note that this happened when we first started dating). wtf.

oh--and it was not, by far, the most expensive thing on the menu.

Answer 1

If the meal wasn't in his budget, he shouldn't have taken you to such an expensive restaurant, or he could have mentioned his finances before ordering, told you that he wanted to provide a nice meal, but his finaces only allow for "x" amount (in which case, he certainly shouldn't order anything more expensive than you). But since he didn't say that he had any expectations that you limit what you order, then yes, it's certainly rude for him to be upset.

There are, indeed, situations where I have seen people who were given the opportunity to order "anything they wanted" from a menu and took the opportunity to test the limits to excess. For example, my now sister-in-law went to a family dinner paid for by my husband's grandparents at an expensive restaurant and we were all encouraged to "order what we wanted." The surf and turf at that particular restaurant was in the neighborhood of $40, and it was the most expensive item on the menu. She ordered it because "she had never tried lobster before," and then when the meal was served she decided "she didn't like lobster" and she barely touched it!

So, while there are definitely circumstances where it can be rude to order an expensive or semi-expensive meal, yours definitely doesn't sound like one of him. I'd ditch the cheapskate!

Answer 2

I want to know where you can get good surf and turf for $25. It's more like $40+ in better restaurants in L.A.

As far as your question, I'm assuming this is not a first date but an actual relationship. If so, then no, you were certainly not rude, and yes, he is a cheap bastard. This is coming from a guy.

Answer 3

I think I'd like a bit more detail on this before I made a judgement. Question: did you eat the entire entree, or did you eat part and ask for a box or bag to take home the rest?

I ask this because I have a dear friend who infuriates my husband when take her out to eat as our guest. My friend will order something that is usually far more than she can eat at one meal, often including a dessert. She will eat a little bit of the meal and box or bag the rest to take home. This really PO's my husband, because he feels that she is taking advantage of our hospitality. Great to take her out to dinner, he feels, and enjoy our company and have a good meal on us. But to deliberately order more than she plans to eat so she can take it home and treat herself the next day is rude.

So did you eat the whole Surf 'n' Turf, or did you take some home? If you took some home, that might be some of what's griping your boyfriend. If you took some home, ask him if that's what bothers him. (If you didn't finish it and just had the waitress take it away, I bet he'd be even madder.)

FWIW, I don't know if there are any hard-and-fast rules of etiquette on this sort of thing. I think a lot depends on how long you and your boyfriend have been going out, whether you finished the entree, and so forth.

But what I think is irrelevant. What your boyfriend thinks is what counts. If your boyfriend thinks you're rude or insensitive to his point-of-view, he may decide to break up with you. You're the only one who knows whether it's worth appeasing him on this issue or telling him to either drop the issue or drop you. Your call.

Answer 4

Wow! Then I'm high maintence I've had a $236 dollar bill for two people spend on me. Granted it was petite steak, crab legs, and lobster. But, even regular restaurants $25 isn't nothing to me that is good eating. If he was going to be cheap he should have taken you to a place where you can get the appetizer, meal, and dessert for one low price like Applebees and TiGi's. He's a tight wad for sure. Tell him to shut the up and suck it up it was your birthday. There nothing that turns me off then a cheap man on special occassions. Yet he would have ordered the same thing if you were taken him out.

Answer 5

it depends... how is his money situation? do u know that he is poor, or is in a bind? perhaps he felt u were taking advantage of the situation, or not properly grateful?

if those are not the case, then he is kind of a jerk =T. remember, a Man will be able to take care of you... and that means, if he can't afford expensive things, he will STILL somehow make u feel good about urself, thru his words and actions, and u would already know not to order expensive dishes... does that make sense?? if u respected him to be of good intentions, then u wouldn't take advantage of him, and vice versa.

long story short, u guys are DEFinitely not communicating very well.. get it all out from under the table, discuss it, let him know it bothers u when he brings it up. if he really thinks so badly of you, then why is he with you??

Answer 6

He shouldn't have said "whatever you want" especially on your birthday if he didn't mean it but as a rule when someone else is paying I never order the most expensive items....even if they're Bill Gates. Getting mad at you was rude and tacky.

Answer 7

Geez, didn't he state "get what you want." Hate to say it sweetheart, but your man sounds like a cheapskate himself. Why would he get mad at you over $25 first of all, then complain about it on your birthday? You know the saying, "you usually marry someone that is like your father" (who you state is a cheapskate too.) To answer your question, NO you were not rude, you deserve to be treated on your birthday and sounds like he is the one overacting.

Answer 8

Unless you were being obnoxious and purposely ordered the most expensive thing on the menu, no. Especially on your birthday. The next time he brings it up, calmly say, "I apologize that I got something pricey, but you told me to order what ever I wanted for my birthday. I did just that. That was a while ago, so can we drop it?" and change the subject.

Answer 9

like you stated, they could have pre-chosen the menu. perhaps no longer. i'm positive in the experience that they chosen the eating position, they have an concept of the *basic* meal fee, no longer the bottom, so they know what they are transferring into. you've the right concept in no longer likely overboard merely because you could, yet you ought to sense free to reserve what you want. do not forget that fairly some corporation dinners, even for holidays or celebrations, are written off as a corporation price, so it may no longer inevitably be popping out of the corporation funds (or your paycheck down the line, lol).

Answer 10

He opened himself up for that when he said to get whatever you wanted. While it may have been expensive, but not the most expensive thing on the menu, he shouldn't be so cheap. It was your birthday for cryin' out loud! Tell him to get over it. I would be sick of hearing about it by now. ( :