HOW to help my realationship with my Gf. i dont want to fight anymore and we love each other?

Question

me and my gf have been great friends for about 4 years, and been dating for 1yr and a half. we love each other will all of our heart. And the problem is we fight almost every other day, sometimes we can go a week without fighting but when we do fight is gets really bad. we exchange words that really hurts and throw past realationship in each others face, and its like a war who can hurt each other the worst. Last summer we broke up bc we fought all the time, and stayed broken up for about 2 months, during those months i cryed myself to sleep and all i thought about was her. we got back together and we are doing better than before, its just the fights are less now but worst when they happen. I just wondering what will help us both build and last. I do have a pro. with jealousy when she is around certain people, and she does too to a certain exstent. PLEASE HELP bc we both agreeed we cant take the fighting anymore

Answer 1

you should try couples counseling

Answer 2

Well, firstly, I'm sorry that you are having these kinds of problems. I had a relationship with someone for about 3 years and we constantly fought, too. Eventually, we just gave up. So all I can tell you is what we DIDN'T try, because that's obviously what we were missing.

Communication is the most important part of a relationship. You two need to be able to sit down and talk, really talk and know that you are both being not just heard, but understood. Sometimes, it takes an outside person to help with that, like a relationship counselor. The YMCA offers 10 free-low cost sessions per year to couples who need help. You can also check out 211.org for other counseling resources that will see unmarried couples.

You two need to agree to learn a different way of fighting. Because it's normal and okay to fight. But it's NOT okay to be cruel or to try to hurt someone you say you love, even if you're angry. Cooling off when a fight starts may help. When you see the fight spiraling out of control, take a break from it and from each other. Even 10 minutes apart can help you to calm down and not say the kinds of horrible things that you both have been. You can agree that the past is the past and needs to be left there. Now, there are things that you've prolly done that you don't forgive each other for. That's something the counselor can help you to get over. But as long as you live in the past, you're losing the chance at a future. No one changes overnight, so expect there to be slips for a while as you get used to the new way of reacting to old issues. That's okay. Any progress is good progress.

You two obviously love each other. If you have the commitment to just learn new ways of dealing with your anger, you can be happy together for years to come. I wish you all the luck in the world, and hope you succeed where I failed.

Answer 3

I had this problem with my husband when we first met, we had the worst fights and called each other the worst names. We really did love each other though, so we made a real effort to not get into stupid fights, it was hard, but we are now married and have a 2 year old and we never fight anymore. I think alot of it was just immaturity. You just have to decide if your relationship is worth the effort to not fight over stupid things. About 7 or 8 years ago my husband and I got into these fights and the next day I couldn't even remember what we were really fighting about in the first place.(shows you how stupid the fights were) And you have to stop bringing up past relationships.

Answer 4

Sounds like you two might not want the same things out of life and therefore you fight about your differences probably. If you fight that much and it is really bad maybe you could see a couple's counselor, but if you fight about each other's habits or something and its the same stuff over and over. Well, that might be an issue that you can't get past. My ex and I were like that. We'd have some good weeks and then there'd be a horrible day in there somewhere and it just ended up being too much. We didn't have the same goals in life & stuff and that's the main thing that ended up making us fight. Now, I have someone new who is everything I've ever wanted and more and I don't have to do anything to change him. He came to me this way and I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

Answer 5

You need to figure out the real reason why you're fighting all the time. Most couples fight over many little things, but the root cause of the arguments tend to be the same. There are no positive outcomes to jealousy. It will surely ruin a relationship. You need to build trust in your relationship. Has your girlfriend ever done anything to betray your trust in her? If not, you have nothing to be jealous of. You need to keep telling yourself that. And also, someone has to be the hero in a relationship. If you are willing to be the hero to save the relationship, you need to take some action. When you see a fight starting you need to be the one to realize that and end it. Just don't add fuel to the fire and find a way to de-escalate it. If you really love her and you want to stop fighting, these are steps you need to take. Good luck to you both.

Answer 6

you didnt say how old you guys were.... anyways...

Time to mature a little in order to let this relationship grow into its full potential.

1st... Trust.. you guys NEED to trust each other.. once you have trust... then you dont have those worries about what the other one will do... there are some exercises for trust you can try.. like falling backwards and letting the other catch you.. that is a good one!

2nd.. Respect.. words can hurt more than rocks.. those wounds are harder to heal - Make an effort to refrain from insulting each other when being upset... it maybe the way you were raised. but it doesnt have to be the way you live.

3rd. Honesty.. tell each other when something bothers you before it gets too far.. dealing with the situation before it becomes bigger makes it easier to handle.

4th. Trust.

Answer 7

u and many relationship are similar
people fight all the time
but the thing people dont stop and think why are u guys fighting
yea u may fight because she did something that pissed u off or vise versa
but u need to figure out what is triggering the harsh and big fights
sometimes people fight because they feel vulnerable subconsciencely
they feel by fightin with each other shows the other person hey i love u but u r not going to run over me
u said u love each other with all ur heart
so that means ur relationship is intense there fore ur love is intense and ur fighting will be intense
now u need to communicatin to each other what r ur likes and dislikes in a mature way
ask each other what do u want from each other
what re u afraid
believe me it will work
communication is key man
goodluck

Answer 8

I would definitely try couples counseling. If you both really do love each like you say you do then try everything you can to make it work. My boyfriend and went to couples counseling because I realized we were not communicating well. It helped tremendously. The therapist talked to us about better communication ideas and how we can stop ourselves if we feel angry or tense. A therapist just really helps you to put everything ins perspective and they bring up ideas to help a relationship that you may never have thought of. Good luck!

Answer 9

Racer, you both need to get counselling on how to FIGHT FAIR. You're falling into the same old trap again because you haven't changed the way you communicate.

There are LOTS of self-help groups on the web - at least READ some tips on fighting. If you recognize yourself (or your partner) in these, then you need to work on YOURSELF.

Answer 10

OK.. fighting is not the issue. Its that you need to learn HOW to fight. It is normal in relationships to have disagreements, its healthy, shows you care. What does hurt relationships is when you belittle and use hurtful words. If you are BOTH willing to work on this (you can only change yourself.. so she needs to be willing to change as well for this to work!), then first, put aside your pride. You don't always need the last word and you should bite your tongue sometimes. If you are fighting about an issue that keeps arising, sit down and see how you can solve it... alot of issues couples fight about are unsolvable. If its unsolvable, you can either choose to continue to fight about it, or dump it- forget about it and realise that you love eachother more then that- or just dump eachother.
Throwing past relationships in eachother's face is plain immature, what the hell does that solve??
Treat eachother with respect and kindness. Don't blow up. Theres never any need for harsh words.
My advise on your issue of jealousy? Get over them NOW if you ever want to be happy. Because you can sit and worry and try and control her... but she'll do what she's going to do if thats what she choose to... what I mean by that... is you can say "No you can't take that trip to Vegas with the girls because you might sleep with some random guy there." Truth is- she can sleep with a random guy at any random place at any random time here at home. If she's going to do it then she's going to do it. If she's happy and satisfied with you, she's not going to do it. And you freaking out? Makes her not satisfied with you.
How can I say this? My BF and I never fight. We talk and discuss things calmly. We reason and talk through problems. And, we have trust. He does his thing, I do mine. Yes I go out to dinner with a single guy friend. He doesn't have a problem with it. He goes out on 'guys night' with all his single buddies to bars, sometimes he has to go to a strip club for business, he meets alot of people- I don't have a problem with it. I know he isn't running around because I feel that love he feels for me whenever we are together and he would have to be a d*mn good liar to show that much love for me, and still be running around.
And then... sometimes... relationships just aren't meant to be... theres a book, "Its called a break up because its broken." you might want to read it...
Thing is, your jealousy isn't "WRONG" per se... it just doesn't work with her personality. And whatever she does that causes fights... (unless she's sleeping around) isn't 'WRONG" either... its just what she does.. You do what you do. I've met a couple, who go to work, come home every night and stay in, watch TV and then go to sleep. Rarely do they go out, but if they do its together, unless its to the grocery store. They have NO jealousy issues. I can't live like that. They are completely content. If thats what you prefer, you can find someone like that. OK, they're extreme, but my point is that theres someone out there for everyone, whose habits don't make the other person's jealous- who has the exact feelings and thoughts as you on boundaries/values/future... if she doesn't match those then you guys will continue to fight.... until you make the mistake of marrying her or break up. BUT people can be completely different and be completely content with eachother, IF they can compromise and work together, and not be hurtful whenever they fight.... so I guess this is multifascited.. hope I made sense!

Answer 11

You two are having a hard time accepting each other for who you both are. In fact, both of you are not done changing yet.

Might be time to back off a little bit to see what happens next. You both need room to grow.