My husband & I have custody of his child that resulted from an on-night-stand that happened just before we met. We didn't know about her until about a year ago. I know she needs me (her biomom is a meth-head) and I will take care of her. The problem is, I'm having problems with treating her totally different than my daughter. My husband tries to understand but ultimately thinks it's not fair. My take on this is...I don't mind to take care of her but I'm going to make 100% sure my daughter does not suffer because of it in any way.
P.S. We also have my step-son every other weekend, holidays & summer. He's awesome and we couldn't have a better relationship.
My daughter is 12, Step-son is 11, new step-daughter is 10.
Looking for comments/advise. Thanks
2007-02-22 07:26:15 · 7 answers · asked by Lakin J 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Make sure NONE of these children suffer from what the adults have done. Children shouldn't pay for the mistakes of their parents. . Your daughter will be more damaged if she sees you treating her differently. And all the kids will suffer if your actions upset your husband, which in turn stains the family.
If you can't deal with the 10 year old, send her to me. I'll treat her like my own.
2007-02-22 07:31:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You will treat her totally differently than your own because you have a bond with your own that is very hard to illicit from those not your own. You know what to expect from your own and the new arrival is pre-teen with some life behind her. Don't think that she's too young to have taken in alot. The best you can do is accept her, be a friend to her, do a little something extra for her every once in a while and gradually let her trust you. I imagine that whatever is hard for you is much harder on her, living with people she didn't even know existed complete with brothers/sisters etc. and different set of rules.
And when you find that this is interfering with you and love of your life, go to a family counselor. They can bring the both of you to the same page so that all children feel comfortable.
2007-02-22 07:43:18 · answer #2 · answered by Denise D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't expect yourself to have the same feelings of love towards the new step-daughter immediately. Make the effort to show her the same care and respect that you have for your other children and the ability to love her and really feel that she's 'your own' will come in time. The important thing is not to have higher or lower expectations of her or standards for her than you have for the other children. Kids are perceptive and she'll know immediately if she's being treated unfairly.
2007-02-22 08:41:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Doing the right thing is not making a difference between these kids. All of them need more support now than ever-especially the step-daughter. Kids of drug addicts go through hell. I know from personal experience. You're going to have to pray-if you're a God fearing woman-and ask God for strength and compassion for this child. As women we have to be strong for our families even if it means putting our own feelings aside. If you continue to treat these kids differently, you're going to cause more damage than ever.
2007-02-22 08:04:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It should be hard , my aunt is in the same position, her husband brings the child every other weekend, my cousin dislikes her and i see her growing up with somewhat hatred for men. I talk to her a lot and remind her is not her half sisters fault. Its hard not to feel different, is not ur child. But on the other hand if you accepted this the way it is so you kinda have to deal with it now.
2007-02-22 07:40:39 · answer #5 · answered by GIGI 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
jsut think of the kid : crazy mom, one night stand result, dad who didn't want her in the first palce, she didn't ask to be born into this and every child diserves all the love and support that he or she needs, so i would say don't treat her different just because you're mad and her dad ( you husband) or her mom, be fair she's only a kid and no matter how much love you give her , she will one day return it to you because she will know that you didn't have to love her or take care of her but you did
2007-02-22 07:34:59 · answer #6 · answered by sasavert 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just try to treat the poor little girl as best you can. She needs some form of a positive person in her life. It is not her fault her mother is a meth head.
2007-02-22 07:31:32 · answer #7 · answered by Stuck in the middle of nowhere 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋