What should i say to my son??

Question

Hi i have a feeling that my son is sleeping with his girlfriend, they both 13 years old, i walked in his room and found comdom wrappers on his sides, and there is no comdoms in them, should i ask him or just let him get on with it, there is no man in the house so i can not ask his dad have a word, so what shell i do,

Answer 1

I would ask him. You need to know what's going on with your child. Be calm and just ask him. Tell him what you found and that you're proud of him for being responsible enough to use condoms, although you think he's too young to be having sex in the first place. Tell him all of reprocussions of having sex so young, pregnancy, STD's etc....
You can't forbid him, he'll just find ways and do you want him lying to you about it? No.
Make a strong argument for abstinence and let him know you're their if he has questions or wants to talk about it.

Answer 2

If he was, doubt if he'd leave them there for you to find... he's likely trying to look more grown up than he is.

If he is, at least he's being responsible about it!

It is illegal under sixteen in the UK... so you need to have a serious chat with him and maybe get some leaflets from your local clinic... you should be preventing this from happening and as the adult, should be in control.

But, look at it this way, he's doing what comes naturally he's not on drugs, shop lifting, mugging people, robbing houses, breaking into vehicles... instead, he's following what nature meant for him to do... so approach the subject without hysteria and talk, and talk, and talk, so he grows up responsibly and less judgement on your part, less accusations, may make him rethink for a while.
He needs to see a copy of the law regarding under age sex and to understand that over the age of ten, he is also, legally accountable, if he touches and underage girl.

Or... borrow a 'baby' doll that screams all night and day and leave it in his room.

Let him have a go at being an underage parent... that should put him off for a few weeks at the very least. I'd choose the last option myself...

Answer 3

He has shown maturity and responsibility by using condoms, we must grant him that. I'm sure he and his partner are fully aware that what they are doing is illegal, however this has not got in the way of human nature and hormones. The only thing you have to worry about is this girl or her parents going off on one and calling the police on your son. Forbidding it wont help, after all teenagers naturally rebel against such measures, and if you dont fight with your son, you'll need to be fully prepared to do so if you do decide to completely forbid him from having sex. If I were you I would let him know you found the wrappers, embarrass him a bit (very effective on teens) and explain to him that you cant be seen to condone underage sex happening under your roof. Make sure he knows you approve of the condoms though, after all it's not like he's never going to have sex again. He'll probably make an excuse that he and his pals were blowing them up as balloons and fooling around with them by the way. That's what I said at that age.

Answer 4

Don't assume he is sleeping with her (although he might be) start a conversation with him about When does he think the right time to have sex is", what does he know about sex, and the consequences etc etc etc, then you can find out what is going on, and see how he is feeling about it all. Try not to be too confrontational,as he might shut down on you, just have an open discussion around the topic, and IF he says he is sleeping with her, maybe you can ask him why he felt it was not good to wait - don't just yell that he should have waited, also, if he is having sex, congratulate him on taking responsible precautions, check he knows how to use them etc, and maybe suggest other ways of being close to his girlfriend, as even though he is responsible, he is young and he might like to do more things with his youth before he HAS to behave like an adult all the time!

Answer 5

Other replies are right, they are breaking the law. If he was shoplifting would you speak to him? It sounds stark to put it like that, but think how hard it would be for him to be in trouble with the law. You can protect him by talking with him.

Do you find it easy to talk together? You could always chat over dinner, or driving somewhere in the car. The car is good because there doesn't need to be any eye contact if talking is difficult, but also there's no escape! You can make it positive because at least he seems to be thinking about protection. But they really are too young...

There are times when being a single parent is hard, and this is certainly one of them, but follow your instinct and have a chat. Good luck!

Answer 6

There are too many risks in an active sex life now days to leave it to the consideration of a 13 years old boy to engage in it or not. He needs counselling from an adult, preferably an experienced and understanding one. So, you have to talk with him, to start with. Then, if you feel that you are up to it, advise him on the risks and consequences of a sex life. Be more precise in your language, kids today are extremely smart, if I were your son and you asked me "if I'm sleeping with my girlfriend" I would most sincerely say no with a clear conscience. If you would ask "are you having sex with your girlfriend?" , then the boy will have to give you a different answer.

Answer 7

Let him know that you found the condom wrapper in his room. He is way to young to be having sex. He may have just opened it to look at it or play with it or experiment. Make sure when his girl friend is over that she is not in his room and they have supervision at her house as well. It is awkward for some people but it needs to be discussed.

Answer 8

You have to talk to him. They're too young to deal with the emotional consequences of sex. Educate him about STD's and teen pregnancies, ask if he's pressuring his girlfriend, let him know you will not raise his child for him. If he continues to want to pursue a sexually active lifestyle against your wishes make sure to educate him how to properly use a condom and respecting women. And i would inform the girlfriend's parents of your discovery after your talk with your son so they can have a talk with her too. Dont threaten or simply forbid sex, it may cause rebellion, just suggest for him to wait until he's older and in a serious relationship that may 'last forever' because of the risk of pregnancy.

Answer 9

What is your 13 yr old doing alone in his room with his girlfriend? They are way too young to be put in such a situation. You need to talk to him now. Tell him your feelings about it all. Let him know he made a good decision to use protection but they just shouldn't be having sex so young.

Answer 10

You do need to talk to him, but you don't need to confront him. Just be calm and clear, and let him know that you are there to answer any questions, and that you'd like him to know that he can be honest with you. If you haven't had "the talk" yet, you definitely need to at this time.

But please do not chastize him for the empty condoms - if he's going to be sexually active, he needs to keep using them!! Personally, I think he's way too young. But if he's already started exploring, you're not going to be able to stop him. If you punish or yell, he may just stop using the condoms so he doesn't get "caught."