My fiance doesn't really care what people think about the way she dresses or appears at times. She's not a slob by any means, but she doesn't dress up very often and if she is going out in public she doesn't care that her hair is a mess or that she is wearing a sweatshirt. I was brought up knowing that if I am going somewhere public I tend to change out of sweats or similar and clean myself up a bit. She can just put on a pair of jeans an a baseball cap. I love her, but I don't know how to approach her on this. I like her to be herself but a little girly at times is nice too. Am I being to critical and superficial? I want to get opinions on if other guys feel this way as well. I try and be as suportive as I possibly can. I don't want to come off as an a$$.
How do I approach her with this without offending her?
2007-02-22 07:10:54 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Sorry but you are being too critical. She doesnt need to dress up to go to the store or to visit friends. Leave her alone and let her be herself. Focus on other things about her and leave this one alone. She likes feeling relaxed and theres nothing wrong with that.
2007-02-22 07:16:10 · answer #1 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You and I are almost in the same boat. My wife doesn't dress up too girly either and it never really started to concern me until just recently. Why? I have no idea. But how I approached her was I told her I would take her shopping for some girly clothes. I made it sound like a surprise.
Me: Guess what?
wife: what?
Me: We're going shopping for girlie clothes!! (I acted like I had just won the lottery and she laughed)
wife: Really...(voice was a bit low but she was still smiling)
Me: Look sweetheart you're a beautiful woman and I want you to show it off once in a while. I'm not going to put any pressure on you when we're out, I promise. Just look around and see if you like anything. If you do, fine we'll buy it. If not, we'll try again next weekend.
wife: You don't like the way I dress?
Me: Of course I like the way you dress, but it would be nice to see you look a little girly and sexy every once in a while...that way i can do this (smacked her in the but and she laughed again)
My wife and I went shopping that weekend and didn't find anything, or the next weekend, or the weekend after that. But I kept the idea in her head. I'd bring it up maybe once every couple of weeks or so and eventually it worked. She still wears cargo khaki's and sweatshirts most of the time but when she dresses up, it blows me away and she knows it because i tell her every time.
The best thing to do is tell your wife she's a beautiful woman and you'd like to see her dress up every so often. Don't pressure her, don't sound accusatory, just be casual and half kid her. She'll get the message. And if you offer to take her shopping and pay for it, she'll appreciate it even more because you'll be involved too. Good luck man.
2007-02-22 15:26:41 · answer #2 · answered by Eddie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a really nice and sincere guy and when you are talking about her appearance in terms of how she dresses in public, I think you can absolutely approach this!! Just be nice about it, and I'm sure she will understand!! Just be sure she understands you are talking about the way she dresses and does her hair and that it has nothing to do with anything else of her appearance. Women have a tendency to blow things out of proportion and when you approach her on her appearance don't be surprised if she automatically feels like you might be talking about her weight or other things regarding appearance that is really hurtful!!
Good luck!
2007-02-22 15:17:19 · answer #3 · answered by Sandy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't worry about it as long as she bathes regularly and does take pride in her appearance most times. That is just who she is and nobody can change her but her. I know that wasn't the answer you were looking for but she is who she is. If it does bother you that much you can try talking to her but chances are she will get really offended by it and it will cause a fight. Appearance isn't everything. Love her for her and not who you want her to be. Good luck.!
2007-02-22 15:17:16 · answer #4 · answered by Just Me =P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my wife of 10 years does the same way , we go out and she dresses however and thinks nothing of it, but she is a wonderful woman and i have never approached her on it and never will , i fell in love with who she was , not how she dressed , so in the long run , if you love this woman, things as small as how she dresses in public will not matter the least bit
2007-02-22 15:21:45 · answer #5 · answered by scott98922 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Approach her when she is in a good mood. Than let her know how you feel. In a nice, loving and considerate tone. I know it seems a bit uncomfortable, at first, but it will get better...the more you approach her with your concerns. It is okay to share your concerns. It will allow the both of you to discover your likes and dislikes the easy way (talking it out). You can also suggest a weekly talk to share your likes and dislikes.
2007-02-22 15:25:57 · answer #6 · answered by Mrs. Morality 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
DId she dress up more when you first started going out? Maybe you're falling victim to the traditional "female" syndrome of trying to change someone. If she was always casual, it's not really fair to her to expect her to change because that's how you were brought up.
If she did dress up more when you first started going out, you might say sometime like, "When we first started dating you had this great outfit I really liked. Would you wear it for me sometime? You looked really sexy in it." Something like that anyway. It'll remind her of how much she tried to impress you in the beginning!
2007-02-22 15:18:50 · answer #7 · answered by Who Knew? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What I did was to tell my then girlfriend and now wife how much I loved seeing her a little dressier. She eventually started to enjoy dressing up more and now she likes to look her best.
She also noticed that I tend to dress up most of the time and she liked that about me, so she decided it was good to reciprocate that.
Take care,
Troy
2007-02-22 15:17:58 · answer #8 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dammit hang on to her and don't let her leave! Women who do care too much about what others think take forever to get ready, take up half of the bathroom sink and then get all insecure if you don't compliment them 10 times a day.
2007-02-22 15:14:25 · answer #9 · answered by Jake 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to let her know that you love her and aren't judging her but that you like the little extra attention to detail she takes when she looks a little more girly, tell her it puts an extra little hop in her skip or a little twinkle in her eye.
2007-02-22 15:14:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋