how to deal with bitchy girlfriend?

Question

ok, long sotry short.... my g/f and i have been together for awhile... she almost 20 and has an 8 1/2 month old baby, which im raising... i do everything for them two... pay her cell phone bill, her bank debt, gas, cigarettes, wake up at night for the baby, do all the daddy things for the baby, and i still get walked all over... im a very nice and outgoing guy, and everyone of her friends tell me that. but im just sick and tired of her flying off the handle for no reason all the time... it could be the smallest thing in the world, like how i only smoke a half a cigarette at a time, she freaks out on me asking "why the f*** do you only smoke a half a cigarette"... even her mom tells her shes going to lose me... shes very moody and im always walking on egg shells... i rub her back every night, cater to her every need, and i still get the same result... i know she loves me, but i think she just has issues... im really lost, and were planning on getting a house VERY SOON, i need help.....

ok..... the kid is not mine... the father is a loser, as is the childs whole family... ive known her for 6 years... she lives with her mom, and her family loves me... the baby is everything to me, as is she... shes the only one whom i have (without thinking twice about) done everything for... we do love eachother, and i know this.... weve been in love for years, and finally got the chance to be together... i have faith in this relationship, and i can definatly see myself marrying her... she lost her father last year, and her b/f at the time of her pregnancy also passed away... im a firm believer in fate, and everything in life pointed right to them... im just very lost, and i hate that feeling... she tells me im everything shes ever expected and more (when shes in a good mood)... i believe this relationship is the best thing thats ever happend to me... were staying with friends right now who are ALWAYS fighting, and we agreed thats the main root of our problems... i want reassurance...

also.... like i said, i live with her friends, who have a 6 month old... her friends tell me all the time, that they tell her im the best thing thats ever happend to her, and she always agrees... later that night, **** starts again... im sooooooo lost... thanks for all your replies... it means the world to me!

Answer 1

Get the house and get a new woman... any woman would be lucky enough to have a man that treated them that way... How dare her take u for granted!!!!!????

K had to add some more!! Sounds like u really love her and want this to work maybe u should sit her down at a nice dinner somewhere and express this whole thing to her.. maybe then she will straighten up her act... and I give u props for being a father to a kid that isn't urs... it isn't easy... Tell her she will loose u if she don't straighten up...she needs to grow up specially she has a child.... Good luck sweetie!!!!

Answer 2

First....smoking around a baby? Not cool. Hopefully you go outside as the baby can't chose whether it wants to breathe it in or not.

Anyways...I am a bitchy gf sometimes. There are times I don't realize I am doing it. I get so mad and upset about other things in my life (rarely my bf) but I unintentionally take it out on my bf. It gets on his nerves, understandably.

It helps me when I am being a ***** that he reminds me that I am not acting very nice (well, at least after we had a chat and he brought up the issue). (Don't call her a *****...definately won't help). I think that you two need to sit down and have a talk. Maybe get someone to watch the baby for a few hours so you can have some alone time. Tell her that it upset you when she acts like a ***** towards you (well, use words other than *****). Explain that you are trying to help her out, and that you feel like she doesn;t appreciate all that you do for her.

I'm sure having a baby at that age would be very stressful. I am 21 and I definately could not raise a baby right now!

If things don't change withing a couple weeks, I would think again about getting a house together. If she is a ***** all the time towards you, then she may not actually love you anymore. She may just be using you. I know that would be hard. But you have to get out now if that is the case before things get more serious and you get a house. You sound like a nice guy who really cares about this woman, you need to find someone who cares about you and appreciates all that you do.

Good luck! I hope things work out for the best!

Answer 3

I had a similar problem. I had no idea that I was putting my family through hell. My husband finally told me how terrible it was for him and my sons. I never felt so terrible. I am so thankful that he stood by me.

Men like you and my hubbie are rare. She does know how wonderful you are, she may truly be unable to help herself. You wouldn't have fallen in love with her in the first place if she were a true B****. She is not the only one who is lucky to have you, your baby is too. (I say your baby because that is how you think of him/her.) Since you care so much about them, don't give up just yet. It may very well be worth it to stand by her to see that she gets the help she needs.

The first thing I did was to see a doctor who specialized in hormonal imbalance. This helped tremendously. You may want to have a conversation with her mom about your concern. Ask her if she's always been this way. If not, try to find out when it started. That will give you some insight as to what might be wrong. If it was during or after pregnancy, it is most probably a hormonal problem.

You wrote that she has issues, so you already understand that this is not being caused by anything that you do. This is both insightful and mature. Sometimes really nice people have imbalances in their hormones or brain chemistry.

Start with the doctor who delivered the baby. If her mom can't talk her into going, then she and you should book an appointment. A friend of mine recognized that her sister-in-law was acting out of character and went to see her obstetrician. He was able to help. This will rule out the most obvious possibility.

I'm not saying that I'm a doctor or trying to diagnose, I'm sharing what helped me and my family.

If she's always been this way, it could be a brain chemistry imbalance. There are many new pharmaceuticals that may be able to help.

Another factor is her age. She is quite young and still has some maturing to do. Couples counseling would be a tremendous help here. Most places have a sliding scale, so you only pay what you are able to. (You don't say how old you are, but young people starting out don't have bushels of money.)

If you try everything you can and it still doesn't work, then you can walk away knowing that you did your best. A man with your values would not be able to live with himself otherwise.

You may want to put the house on hold for awhile, if possible. But living with others contributes to the problem.Perhaps just get a one bedroom apartment that you can afford.

Answer 4

I'm no expert (my disclaimer there!) but here's what I'm seeing based on what you're typing...

Again, these are SCENARIOS.. not solutions.

If this is NEW behavior for her.. then it sounds, in a way, like you're wanting more out of the relationship than she's willing to put into it right now. ALmost as though she's emotionally unavailable and trying to keep you at a distance. It's very possible she loves you with all her heart.. but I would guess with the advent of a child that you're raising... she's not had the best relationships in the past.

Which brings me to my next point...

If it's NOT new behavior.. then maybe she's just an emotionally distant woman (and they tell us we're the ones with committment issues!) and won't be able to commit her time and heart on the level you are. At least not at this time.

Another possibility is that she's still suffering from some type of post-partum depression or hormone imbalance (again, if this is new behavior on her part).

The other thing to consider is your own feelings and how you actually feel about her. Sometimes people can be critical about the other person because they, themselves, are having doubts and second thoughts. To Whit: Getting a house is a huge step... not one to be taken lightly, by any means. It's also a huge source of stress and tension.

Plus.. the other big factor to consider is the baby. She's got a new baby in her life (presuming it's not yours from the way you said you were raising it) and she's trying to split her attention between it and you... and I can almost guarantee you.. you'd lose even if you were the birth father. That's a passing thing though.. give it about 18 years and everything will even out! (joking). Hey, children are a big adjustment for everyone involved!

The bottom line is.. if you feel this is new behavior or there's something BEHIND the way she's acting. Talk to her about it. Try to open the lines of communication and get her to understand you're there for her and not just a source of guilt and negativity becase, believe it or not, she probably feels guilty for the way she treats you. A little guilt can motivate someone to change. A lot of guilt can motivate someone to run...

Good luck with that!

Answer 5

You are a chump and a sucker. What were you thinking, raising some other man's kid? What are YOU getting out of this "relationship?" From your post, I'll bet its absolutely nothing, or at best she'll occasionally spread her legs for you.

She threw her life down the toilet, and you go playing Captain Save-a-Ho. This is not a girlfriend, this is a parasite. She gets knocked up by some thug who abandons both her and the kid as soon as he hears she's preggers, and she goes and finds a NiceGuy(tm) to put the broken pieces of her life back together. And of course, she doesn't appreciate you for it. No, she treats you with contempt, because she recognizes that you aren't a man, you're a chump. A sucker. A fool.

I would tell you to kick her to the curb, but it's probably too late. Assuming you're somewhere in the Anglosphere, and since you've been taking care of the baby, you have become a "parent" in the eyes of a family court. You are most likely going to be hit up for child support payments as soon as you two break up.

Congratulations. Your life is now officially p*ssed away.

I fully expect this post to be ignored, but in a few years, you'll look back and wish you hadn't ignored it.

Answer 6

Either she's not that into you or she doesn't realize the effect that her actions have on you (assuming that since you are writing here, you haven't really discussed it w/ her) or she takes you for granted.

I suggest that you talk to her immediately about this problem; tell her that no matter how much you love her, her mood swings are giving you doubts about the viability of a continued long-termrelationship w/ her and that unless she makes a real effort into toning down her mood swings and treating you the way you should be treated, you will have to reconsider your relationship w/ her. Make sure she has shown significant improvement BEFORE you move in together. If her mood swings continue, remind her (as soon the mood swings occur) a couple times that you don't appreciate them and that you're more than willing to talk w/ her if she is having a bad day or is upset over something.

But if they still continue after the couple warnings, I would suggest that you move on to someone who respects you more.

Answer 7

WOW! Where to start? Smoking not good! Catering to her every whim, WRONG! She's walking all over you. She's 20 years old and has a baby. That's speaks volumes. She's still very immature herself. She could be dealing with some of that Post pardum depression. Was she always like this? She might have some emotional issues to get past. I would suggest counseling, if you really want to save this relationship. She could be bipolar or hypo-manic. OR maybe she's just found a real easy meal ticket...don't waste too much time on this piece of work. You deserve someone who respects you ...

Answer 8

Dude, what are you thinking. I know it's tough to see clearly when yo uare in the relationship but I went through the same thing. DITCH THIS B***. You are supporting her in every way, she has a kid, and instead of being an equal partner and acting in a loving, supporting way, what does she do? Give you crap about meaningless things and act like a b***.

It's tough to leave a relationship but this is clearly an unbalanced, toxic one. Any woman who doesn't treat you right is not worth your time. See how happy she'll be when she realizes she's on her own.

P.S. Don't talk with her, that'll just give her a chance to deceive you with words and gestures. You are seeing her true colors, they won't change. You want to stay with a person like this?

P.P.S. I love how most women suggest that guys should give their women second/third etc. chances, but they tell women to dump a guy immediately if he does or says the slightest thing wrong. Gotta love hypocrisy.

Answer 9

I'm in the same predicament brotha! But I'm 34 and she's 30. We've been together since I was 21 and she's always had a bitchy personality. My friends see it, my parents see and even her own dad sees it. My dumbass thought I could rough it out and things will eventually work out. It hasn't'. She is who she is and that will never change.

You need to also see this. Don't follow in my footsteps dood. Leave her with the quickness! I lost over 10 years thinking "hey, today might be the day she changes for good". Right? Wrong!

Unless you and her are prepared for some serious counseling then get ready to bail!

Answer 10

I DON"T UNDERSTAND WHY SO MANY NICE GUYS END UP WITH THESE TYPES OF WOMEN!!!
You need to find someone who actually appreciates the things you do, but this girl is clearly walking all over you.

There are lots of girls out there who would be very happy with all the little things you do. She is complaining about the stupidest things (smoking half a cigarette??) She is truly not a very happy person inside and wants to make you feel the same way.

This girl needs a good spanking!!