My Boyfriend Hits me?

Question

My boyfriend and i are in a really great relatinship, we are supposed to be getting married next yr, the thing is, last summer he bit me on my arm and spat on my face after a drunken fight, i took him back and after a few months he spat on my face and hit me again, remember when he's doin this hes calling me names and putting me down. he swore after the last time that he would never do it again, well, 2 nights ago he grabbed me by the neck twice and threw me against the wall. i walked out and stayed in a hotel that nite, i came back home and i am currently sleeping in the spare room so i can decide wat i want to do, Things only happen when both of us are drinking. i love him so much and its totally out of character for him to act this way, he is so apologetic after things happen and swears he wont do it again, what should i do, i dont want to leave him but i dont want to live my life this way. Please help

Answer 1

I'm sorry but I have been in this kind of relationship. They say they will change. Every thing is geat...for awhile. But the truth is you should thank God that he showed this sign before marriage. I truthfully know how hard it is to leave, but if you really need to leave. You might feel like he is the love of your life, but if he truly loved you he wouldn't hurt you. Go to family and friends for support. 2 chances is more than enough. If you stay, this behavoir will be a constant reality, even if it is only once in a while. Friends are the best support. ANd you will find someone who truly loves you. Just imagine when you have children, what if he was to hit them. Even if he didn't, seeing their father hit their mother can pass on the cycle.
Good luck and much strength. But please, don't stay.

Answer 2

The First thing u need to stop doing is covering the mistake
i have been in your shoes but i damn near lost everything i ever worked for.And when u love u take the good with the bad but if u allow bad to make a permanet place in your house i read in your story u mention HOME your home is where u get a peace of mind not a place to lose your mind. If u want to stay that is a risk u are taking u both need help and u want to get married. You just proven he is a liar he said he would never do it again but there is your head being smashed into the wall there will be a time when u will be hit and its over the love is going to end there and u dont want to hate this man GET OUT u have already left your home for this man dont lose your soul

MAKE YOUR NEXT MOVE YOUR BEST MOVE

Answer 3

Your question hit the boards 23 minutes ago and look at all the responses you have already ... all but one are emphatic pleas to get out and run the other direction. I'd say that's a pretty powerful statement of the experience of people who have either been in the situation or were close to someone in that situation. There are some things that just don't get better by themselves and need to have action taken immediately: 1. A toothache 2. A "funny" noise under the hood of the car. 3. A guy who abuses. Immediate action on your part. Not a discussion ... a departure. You have virtually nothing invested here ... you can walk away with your head held high and your self respect in tact. He will try to take it from you. This type of response, so quickly, from so many people ... please believe that we have walked in your shoes. Best wishes to you, sweetie. You can do it. Granny

Answer 4

That's three incidents in about 6 months? That's much too often. Remember that once you're married you'll have more things to fight about--not fewer. People with anger problems usually get worse, not better over time, especially in high stress situations (like marriage, pregnancy, childbirth, money problems...). The fact that it only happens when he's drinking doesn't matter. 1-he's probably not going to stop drinking. 2-drinking lowers your inhibitions, so you are seeing his true character when he drinks and gets violent.

Leave him now--before you waste years of your life before it finally gets so bad that you end up leaving later. You deserve someone who respects you (and women in general) all the time, not just when he's not mad or not drunk.

If you insist on going forwards, at least demand that you see a counselor together and that he go to anger managment classes before you even think of marriage again.

Answer 5

Gee, what a "really great relationship"! He bites you, puts you down, throws you against the wall, grabs you by the neck... sounds peachy!
WAKE UP! He's done this several times, so it's NOT "out of character" for him. He promised not to do it again, and broke that promise, so his next promise is just as likely to be broken as well. It only happens when you're drinking - unless you both join AA and swear off alcohol for the rest of your lives, guess what, it's going to happen again.

And how much longer do you want to keep taking these chances? What if the next time he grabs your neck he doesn't let go until you choke? What it the next time he throws you, your head just happens to smack against a counter or hard object, and you're killed? What if it only takes one beer to set him off the next time?

Face it, actions speak louder than words, and his actions are violent and abusive. If he was any sort of real man, if he really loved you, he would master his temper and never cause you pain. Pack your bags and get out now. Get therapy so you don't fall into another abusive relationship like this. (And before you make another excuse for him, keep this image in your mind... five years down the road, you're married, you have a kid, the kid throws a tantrum while Daddy's having a beer... picture his heavy hand coming down to strike your child.... picture the bruise on your child's face and the look of pain and confusion in your child's eyes as they ask you why... and you have to answer, "because I wasn't brave enough to get out when I had the chance.")

Get. Out. Now.

Answer 6

If you call this a great relationship, I'd hate to see what you consider bad. What he is doing now he will continue to do and worse if you stay with him. He is an abuser, don't believe the lies that he won't ever do it again, he will. Guys like him believe they can do what ever they want then make it better by apologizing and saying they'll never do it again. IF you do decide to go forward with this relationship, tell him the next time he lays a hand on you, you will have him arrested and charges pressed, then when he does hit you do that. GET OUT NOW WHILE YOU CAN!

Answer 7

Please consider carefully before marrying this man. There is a cycle of violence characterized by an increase in tension, a battering incident, and them a "honeymoon" period following the battering. It's been well-documented in abuse literature. If he hits you once in a while now, believe me, it won't get better without some serious intervention. The women who populate battered women's shelters (I used to work in one) all had the same story: "He seemed great at the beginning, and then he started drinking/drugging/ etc., and I took it all until he started hitting the kids/put me in the hospital., etc."

PLEASE put off the wedding and seek help now if you want to stay with this man. Even if you think things are working out, though, always have a plan of escape in case things escalate. It could save your life.

Answer 8

He is so apologetic because he knows that you'll leave if he's not. HELLO!??! Is anybody in there? Maybe you should read what you wrote one more time... he says it won't happen again, then it does. Then he apologizes, and y ou go back, then you drink and it happens again. Sounds like a repetitive cycle to me. But you know what, you're obviously old enough to make your own decision, so do what you want, but don't think this won't happen again. Think about it everyday, for the rest of your life, because I guarantee if he's gotten away with it this many times already, he's GOING to do it AGAIN.

Answer 9

I have volunteered at a shelter for abused women for 3 years now and 95% of the women there have experianced what your going through right now. At first they thought they had completely normal boyfriends/husbands and they made excuses for the violent behavior (usually blaming it on being drunk) and later it developed to something a lot more dangerous to where the women and children's lives have been put in danger. No man who loved your or even hated you would think about physically hurting you. This type of behavior isn't something he picked up because his friends where doing it or because he saw his favorite actor doing it in a movie this type of behavior is learned very early in a child's life (usually when the kid sees his father beating his mother). He grew up experiancing violent surroundings and now as an adult he's recreating all the violent behavior. You need to get out of this relationship now before you end up being hurt or worse.

Answer 10

He can not promise that he won't do it again if he is under the influence of alcohol. I doubt it that he feels sorry enough to quit drinking. Unless this is the life you really want you need to get out now! Because it will only get worse. I would imagine that he is very controlling too. His control on you is he can do these things and get away with it as long as you keep believing that he won't do it again but he does and will continue to do it. You must get up the courage & strength to get out now before you "tie the knot" and then he really has control of you! I will pray for you!