What do I do if my mother is pist at me for not being a virgin?

Question

I got home from my bf's house and my hair was wet, obviously i've been with intimate with him, we've dated for a year. I'm only 20 and I don't know what else she would think if I'm with a 25 year old man. Now my curfew is 12am, nothing past that and I have no liberties. She doesn't talk to me, and she's taking back the gran that she gave me for my Birthday. I'm in no position of moving out as for I only have a parttime job, my bf doesn't want to be force to move in with me, and i'm pretty much stuck. What should I do? Any ideas? Help please, my crying isn't going to get me anywhere.

Answer 1

Wow, this is a bit of a tough one. First, if you are not a virgin any more there is nothing that you or your mother can do about that. It really sounds like you and your mother need to have a conversations about house rules and liberties. At 20, I would assume that you have graduated from high school. That should mean that you are kind of one your own. Unless your mother has a good reason to limit your activities, she should not be telling you what to do. If you have younger siblings in the house and she thinks you are being a bad example, you will have to discuss that and find a solution. She may have to explain to them why you are allowed to do things that they are not allowed to do. You should also take your activities outside the house to ease any problems. You should really impress upon your mother that you are at the stage in your life when you are getting ready to be more independent and live on your own. You would really like to be able to talk to her about situations during this time. But, if she is critical of your actions and punishes you for little things like being out late, she will create a wall between the two of you and you will be more likely to make a major mistake.

If you can't talk openly with your mother (please try very hard and try several times first) you might have to focus your energy on becoming more independent. You may have to change the part time job to full time and save as much money as you can so that you can get your own apartment. I do not think this is the best solution. The best thing would be for you and your mother to talk about creating a new situation where you both ackowledge that you are an adult and that you are going to start making your own decisions and living with the results.

Answer 2

I still do not see what is the problem. You have a great life. look at the facts:
1.- You are young, and have a whole life in front of you. I say patience, your time of more liberty will come.
2.- Your "curfew" is 12am?, that is great!!!!!!......after that is not advisable for anybody be out of home.
3.- The grant was never yours, it is your mothers. Sons and daughters sometime believe that parents must give us what we want, and it is not so. What is your parents property is theirs...
4.- Crying is not bad, since help you to relax, but laughing is much better in doing the job. Get relaxed, enjoy your life and don't cry for such a small thing. Enjoy the time you have left with your mother, she will not last forever.

Answer 3

Fess up to what you did. You know your mother probably had higher expectations of you and wanted you to wait till marriage on the sex thing. That said tho you're still in her house and live under her rules. She needs to quit jumping the gun and just assuming so much because she could be wrong about some things. Also start saving up some $$$ and get out when you can and get your own place but still keep time and communication there with your mother girl. She's mostly probably hurt because you did some thing she'd never dreamed you'd do. It's ok tho honestly some one please answer this who actually waits till marriage now a days? Not very many.

Answer 4

Obviously your mother thought she had raised you will different morals and expected more of you. Either way you and your mom need to sit down and have a good heart to heart talk, try to have another adult there that you each respect for another perspective (maybe an aunt, or neighbor or other adult). Let your mom know that at 20 you feel you should be able to make your own choices (and mistakes) about life issues. Maybe she just doesn't want to be slapped in the face with your sexuality by you coming home a mess, you should be respectful of this. If you want to be treated like an adult you should act like one, crying won't get you anything. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 5

Well you can't go back again so get a full time job and deal with your mothers disappointment. Find a roommate, not your BF and stop crying that never solved anything at all.
What you did wasn't something no one else has ever done, and its really no big deal, but it is to your mother who sees the possibility of unplanned pregnancy and unwanted disease, mothers are like that. If you object to your lack of liberty then you must take your life into your own hands and do the adult thing of full time job, and you don't have to give back the money it was a gift and when its given its yours to do with as you wish, Of course if she hasn't yet given it to you its now pretty well a moot point.

Answer 6

You live in her house you abide by her rules. PERIOD. Suck it up.
The gran was a gift, but hey, mom's bad. Me personally, I wouldn't have taken the money back. It wasn't a part of any deal except that she GAVE it to you on your birthday. So go see Judge Judy. Just kiddin.
Now as far as your boyfriend. No support there I see. Would he still be your boyfriend if you weren't givin up the goodies? Do you guys have plans to someday get married? If not why are you givin up the goodies? He may not even be in the picture in let's say a month after you say you're not going to sleep with him any more because you have more respect for yourself and want to save it for marriage and it would make things at home a little easier till you get your own place.
To be continued...

Answer 7

Your mother seems controlling well you have no chance of getting the money back so forget about that. I can't believe at 20 you have a curfew! The only option you have is to get a real job and move out of there or it will just get worse!

Answer 8

Many of the ladies here have that same problem, they dont do things in stages. You are a typical one.
Your mother is right when u live at home u obey the rules. U r 20, no full time job, no money, and maybe no proper education.ur a loser Do you know how many folks out there are dying to come to America to be somebody. And what have you done?

Answer 9

god your twenty and have a curfew.
okay thats not the question
well what can you do?
its not like you can take it back.
just because your hair was wet it doesnt mean you were intimate.
and its not so bad that hes twenty-five.
your mom will get over it time will heal.
you need to talk to her about it though let her know you love him
and you felt like you were ready.
she should be happy that it wasnt just any guy on the street.

Answer 10

girl your 20!!!i think your mom shouldnt be pist....hey look at the bright side..your didnt lose it when you were 15,16,or lets just say 13!!!so i suggest that move out..try to get yourself a full time job and move out..your 20 if i was you i would of been out like 2 years ago!!