I've had an on - off relationship ship with my father (I say father because I never really felt like he was "a daddy" to me, you know, never really there) since I was about 15. Now I'm 25 and I haven't talked to him in a year and half. I have two sisters that do talk to him. Well, now I'm 3 months pregnant and don't know if I should tell him but feel obligated to because he will find out anyway from others in the family. What would you do? I still really don't desire to have anything to do with him and now it's starting to kind of bother me. Why should my feelings change about the situation because I'm pregnant?
2007-02-22 06:00:07 · 10 answers · asked by DGBrandy 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
They shouldn't. If he wasn't there for you, you don't owe him anything. As an adult, you get to decide who you do or do not want in your life. Don't let guilt or the rest of the family change your feelings. If he wants a relationship with you, he needs to put some effort into it too.
2007-02-22 06:09:00 · answer #1 · answered by Get a life 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough question. I had a strained relationship with my father from age 14 to 29. I got married at 30 and had a baby at 35, but the last time I talked with him, I was 29. I sent him a holiday card the year my baby was born and the year after that, but I don't really know if he ever received them because my stepmother is extremely controlling and jealous, so she may have thrown them away without showing them to him for all I know. I've pretty much given up at this point, and that's okay with me because my husband's family is just wonderful.
I guess the bottom line is that if you think by having your father in your life is a positive and valuable thing, and it will be a good thing for your child, you should try to contact him again and at least put the ball in his court. If he doesn't try to stay in touch with you, well at least you gave it a shot and you have no regrets.
2007-02-22 14:17:28 · answer #2 · answered by Karen S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They change when you're pregnant because a baby changes eveything, including the family structure. You know it impacts his life, even if you don't speak with him currently.
You don't have to tell him if you don't feel comfortable doing it. You could send him a card or letter with the information, also, if you think it would help you feel more at peace.
Like you, I had to deal with some family turmoil with both my pregnancies, and the drama continues as my estranged sister is pregnant (she hasn't told me directly and I frankly don't care). Do what you think will help make you easy, and don't do anything out of mere obligation if you don't want to.
2007-02-22 14:19:08 · answer #3 · answered by KC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In the end the choice is yours, but like you said he will find out anyway so instead of having to explain to him why he heard from someone else rather than you just tell him.. Just because you tell him doesn't mean you are obligated to have him be apart of your pregnancy and as it seems he probably won't care too much anyway.. They never really care until they feel betrayed by you, forget how they make you feel right? Just tell him so you don't have to deal with the crap he'll give you for not telling him..
2007-02-22 14:09:17 · answer #4 · answered by B-E-B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your feelings about the situation should not change just because you are pregnant. If he does not want to be a "daddy" to you, then I personal don't think he would want to be a "granddaddy" either so I would not tell him. Let him find out on his own and then see how he reacts. Maybe he will come around and decide that he wants to be part of your life again and your childs.
2007-02-22 14:05:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i would not tell him. as you pointed out he will hear about it through the family grapevine. if he is interested he will contact you.
my father didn't bother with us, and i didn't want anything to do with him but it was suggested he be kept up to date with important events in our lives so i contacted him when i married and nothing, then again when i had our first child. and again no interest.
i totally understand your comment 'he wasn't a daddy to me'. and you are right, he wasn't, and probably never will be. the 'daddy' gene seems to be missing.
anyway, how exciting that you are expecting, congratulations! don't let any of this issue with your father dampen your joy over a new baby! he isn't worth your time and trust me once you have your little one you won't have time to ponder the issues of your father!
your life is yours, you are building your own family now, so enjoy that! don't look back at the past........it isn't worth your time!
wishing you the best
2007-02-22 14:14:19 · answer #6 · answered by tess 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you need to feel obligated to tell someone something so personal. If he really wanted to know things like that, he'd have been there more often, right?
2007-02-22 16:32:40 · answer #7 · answered by jengibsonphotography 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. Obviously your father has decided not to include you in his life, you don't owe him anything. Let him find out on his own, as he has doubtless found out about the other important things in your life. Congratulations on the baby.
2007-02-22 14:42:21 · answer #8 · answered by Mrs. E 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you feelings shouldn't change just because you are pregnant. if he really wanted to know what was going on in your life, he would have been in it long before now.
2007-02-22 14:20:19 · answer #9 · answered by redpeach_mi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should tell him and maybe he'll do better for your child than he did with you. You don't have to make him deal with your child, but at least give him the opportunity. At least you'll feel better knowing that you let him know about your child.
2007-02-22 14:08:12 · answer #10 · answered by angellove 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋