How can I help out my mom?

Question

Okay,I'm 21 years old.My sister's 30 & my brother's 28.Over the past 10 years my parents have been dealing with every thing you can think of with my brother & sister because they act irresponsibly.My brother's been in prison for about 2 years now.He's set to get out in a year,so my mom's worrying about trying to help him.She's been worrying really bad about my sister because of how she lives & treats her 3 kids.Yesterday my sister tried to overdose on pills & she's now been committed to a mental hospital by a physician.My sister's 3 children (ages 7,3, & 2 months) were just left at the house by themselves through this whole ordeal.A sheriff took my sister to the mental hospital which is about 2 hours away & just neglected to find anywhere for my nieces & nephew to go.Anyway,my mom has 2 of the children for an unknown amount of time.She seems really stressed,like she's about to have a breakdown.I work over 45 hours a week so I can't keep the kids all the time.How else could I help her?

No, I'm not lying. I couldn't make something like this up if I tried.

I don't live at home. I live in my own place with my fiance.

Answer 1

If your budget can handle it why not hire a babysitter for your mom to take the kids for a couple of hours a day? Or put the 3 yr old and 2 month old into day care for a couple hours a day to give your mom a break.

Answer 2

You need to find out about all the services your mother is entitled to. She's stretched to the limit with all the problems she's had to handle. Where is your father?
The sheriff should be held accountable for leaving those children alone. You need to see a lawyer to find out if there is anything you can do to highlight this dangerous situation that occurred.
No wonder your mother is stressed. If I were you, I'd move back home. What are you doing living with a guy, other than saving rent money by sharing expenses and playing house?
You'd stay with a guy who really isn't into marriage (yet) when you have your whole life ahead of you - and from afar, watch your mother crumble under the weight of these very real problems.
This guy you're living with can catch up with you later. He's not a help to you just like by staying where you are, you're not a help to your mother.
By living with your mother, who's taking responsibility for such small children at her age, with everything so unstable around her, you can at least give her some respite and make sure she gets enough sleep and eats. Be a true dear friend to the person who raised you; she needs you.
At the very least, things may work out better over time and you will have helped that to happen.
Hey, what is it with the live-in boyfriends having any importance at all? You must be extremely mature yourself to not be already pregnant in that situation.

Answer 3

You know us Moms just go crazy when our Children are in trouble even if it's their own fault. I am sure the stress level is high right now and your Mom feels like she wants to help your sister. She really don't know what to do, she is confused. Another thing Moms tend to do is blame their self, we try to figure out what we did wrong in raising our children that caused this behavior.
Reassure her its not her fault, let her know you are going through this with her and give her a big hug.
I am sure your Mother has mixed feelings about the care of the Grand Children, there is a part of her that feels the need to be there for them. There could also be the feeling that she has raised her Children and resents being put in this situation by your Sister. Then there is the guilt for feeling that way.
You sound like a very loving and caring daughter, just be there for her.
If at all possible it really would be a good idea if someone could be hired to care for the Children for a couple of hours a day/week or for what ever time that can be afforded. We all need our alone time, just to try to get our thoughts together.
You didn't say what had happened to the third child, I hope the child is in a safe place. I can only assume that he/she is with their other parent.
I am sure that this to will pass, take a deep breath and do what you have to do. Good Luck

Answer 4

Remember you can only do what you can do.
Support and love her in whatever way you can. Keep it simple...no need to confuse or complicate this situation any further. Give her an ear to listen, or help with things like cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, caring for the kids. Give her a call when you're leaving work and see if she needs you to pick up anything. Stuff like that.
Let her know that you'll be there for her when you can. Believe me these things make a difference.
So sorry your family is going through this. I am shocked that the police officer did not handle the situation w/the kids, or at least call social services. It is good they are with their grandmother.

Hang in there, hold close to each other, you'll get through it.

Answer 5

Maybe hire a babysitter to help your mother. Also if your sister is going to be in the hospital for an undetermined amount of time or if she is unfit to take care of them, I would seriously think about placing them in the care of someone else(but someone you know and trust) who will give them what they need, and not your mother. She has already raised her children, She doesnt need the stress. Maybe she can help out...but Give mom a break. See if there is any other family that can help or a close friend....Ask yourself not what your sister would want, but what is best for the kids as well as your mother and yourself. Don't stress yourself out and try to keep your mom as level as possible. Talk to close friends, ask family you are close with. Maybe even a physician that you trust they might have good advice as well.

Answer 6

I can't imagine the stress you feel, sweetheart. God Bless you for caring so much.
Are you living with your Mom? If so, you guys should be able to provide a decent home life for the children between the two of you for at least a few months. It may require some sacrifice of time on both your Mom and your part, but those kids are gonna remember this time in their lives for the rest of their lives. It doesn't sound as if they have been living very stabily to begin with. This might just be a blessing in disguise.
As for your brother, just try to make your Mom understand that he has to grow up and take responsibility for his own actions. If she keeps trying to bail him out , he'll never learn how to stand on his own two feet.
It's kind of a shame that the most responsible child in your family is also the youngest. Your level of maturity for such a young age is commendable.
Just hang in there . God doesn't give us any more than we can possibly shoulder.
God Bless You.

Answer 7

First off, I'm sorry to hear about all of this. My sister is a crack addict and had lost her three children, 2 of which my parents adopted and are raising. It does get better I promise, I was put on anti-depressants because of my sister, it just breaks my heart. Anyway, is there anyway you can help out finacially, like for a sitter or something? Or come get the kids occasionally so mom can have a much needed break? The police dept. invoved needs to be sued too!!! Anything could have happened to those children. Good luck and pray, it helps!

Answer 8

Keep on loving her and supporting her. Maybe ask your coworkers if they know of any caregivers that would be willing to look after the kids while you are at work a few days a week to help your mom out. That's a very sad situation and parents don't say it often, but I am sure your mom is also thinking she done something wrong in raising your siblings that has caused them such dismay in their lives. Keep reassuring her how important she is to you, sounds like you are the only thing that is going to keep her from losing her lid. Hope you and your family the best.

Answer 9

Brother: Don't waste added energy on him for now he is incarcerated for another year. When he does get out he can live in transitional housing, and will be fine. Its going to take a while for him to adjust anyway. Plus you do not want him around the family on an intimate level. He needs to be on his own from here on out!

Sister: Visit her often as you can. Unfortunately, the so called psycho Drs. will put her on anti-depressents, which I feel make it worse. Something happened to her and it is not being addressed. Her world is crumbling and she just needs to get better in time with love and understanding. See if you can get her into a program for misplaced single-mothers.

Alot of these programs have onsite living for her and the children. They help them in a non-profit venue. To get jobs, counceling, and day care for the children.

Mom: She reminds me of my mom who worries too much about other people. Some where along the line she stopped caring about her self. Be her friend at this point, nothing more. If you can get your sister in a program and OUT of those wacko Dr.s care you are off to a great start.

Fight for your family and great rewards will come your way. If you don't already, write to your brother on a consistent basis. He will need to have level-headed reasoning behind him. Being incarcerated he is surrounded by low-minded people. Keep his spirits up and be his friend.

Do NOT rescue any one, instead assist them to find the answers on their own. See the white light of Great Spirit surround them and your homes. Write out your wishes for each of your family members, including the children and give it to the universe. Great things can occur when are hearts and intent are in loving service. Hugs are healing!

Answer 10

I really do feel bad for your family situation. The only thing I can say is to be a good support system for her. Take your niece and nephew on the days you have off, just to give her a break. Let her know that when your brother gets out, he is responsible for himself. Do not let her become an enabler for him. He put himself in the prison situation, he is going to have to learn to keep himself out.