Am I wrong to stilll hold a grudge?

Question

I met my boyfriend over a year and a half ago and we now live together and are very much in love.

At first, we "courted" for about four weeks, spending quite a lot of time together (three or four nights a week) and then he went on holiday to Spain with a friend. When he came back, I asked him to be my boyfriend officially and he agreed. Five or six months later, we were having a light-hearted chat and it came up that while he was on holiday during the first month, he had drukenly kissed somebody else in a club in Spain. He was not ashamed or apologetic in any way - he just said that's how dating goes. While he was very upfront about it we hadn't been together very long when it happened, I've felt betrayed ever since. He says he would never ever have done it had we been further into the relationship and never even looks at anybody else. However, was he wrong to kiss somebody else at that stage in our relationship? Did he do anything wrong?

Answer 1

From his point of view the relationship could have gone any which way at that point, so why should he pass up an opportunity when you may not even have been there when he got back? You were not betrayed because the discussions of longer term relationship commenced only after he got back.

Holding grudges is not healthy for your relationship. If you really love him, and really want this to work, then you had better forgive and forget it ever happened, and never mention it again or the relationship will decay from the inside out. If you still can't trust him you have a relationship that will never last.