something funny?

Question

tell me something funny
anything!
prettymuch anything makes me laugh

Answer 1

here's a joke for you:

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:

'Are you the owner?' The pharmacist answers yes.

Says Jacob: 'We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?'

Pharmacist: 'Of course we do.'

Jacob: 'How about medicine for circulation?' Pharmacist: 'All kinds.'

Jacob: 'Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis? '

Pharmacist: 'Definitely.'

Jacob: 'How about Viagra?'

Pharmacist: 'Of course.'

Jacob: 'Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?'

Pharmacist: 'Yes, a large variety. The works.'

Jacob: 'What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?'

Pharmacist: 'Absolutely.'

Jacob: 'You sell wheelchairs and walkers?'

Pharmacist: 'All speeds and sizes.'

Jacob says to the pharmacist: 'We'd like to register here for our wedding gifts, please.'

Answer 2

ok.. I am a blonde but I dont mind these jokes:

A Blonde a brunette and a Red-head are stranded on an island. The red-head finds a magic lamp and a genie said he will grant them each 1 wish. The brunette wishes to go home. POOF! she is gone. The red-head wishes the same, POOF! she is gone. Then the blonde says"Gee, I am lonely. I wish I had my friends back." POOF! and there they were.

Why was the blonde fired fom the m&m factory? She threw out all the w`s.

How do you drown a blonde? put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.

A blonde goes into a store. She asks the Employe:"Can I buy this tv?"
he says "no. I wont sell you the tv." The blonde is totally upset, she dyes her hair black, comes back, asks the same question, "no." She dyes her hair pink he said "no" Finally she shaves her head and asks. "no!" "well why wont you sell me this tv?!?!?!?" The employe said"Because, thats a microwave, not a tv."

3 men are dying of thirst in the desert, a genie appears and says "go down this magical slide and say whatever liquid you wish to drink. Yell that liquid going down the slide, and that is what you will be swiming in when you reach the bottom." The 1st man says "WATER!" The 2nd man says " JUICE!" The 3rd man says "WHEEEEE!!!!"

lol hope these make milk come out of your nose!

Answer 3

lavendertg: that was the best joke i've ever heard
jokes for you guys:

Christian horse:

There was this man and he was in the desert and he finally saw a house and he got up to the front step and collapsed and the man that lived there was a missionary and so couple days later after the kind missionary nursed him back to hydration, the man asked him where was the nearest town was the missionary said it was just a couple of miles so he goes out the back door and sees the mans horse so he asked if he could use it he says yes but this horse is special to make him go you say praise god to make him stop you say amen. so he gets on the horse and says praise god praise god praise god so the horse starts to trot the man gets brave and says praise god praise god praise god praise god so the horse starts to gallop and the man sees a cliff up ahead and he says whoa atop heel then he remembers and he says amen well the horse stopped 4 inches from the cliff the man leans back in the saddle wipes his head and says praise god. Hahaha

Sunday school:

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!''
The Teacher fainted.

Answer 4

George Bush, Dick Cheney, and K-Fed are on a boat for three days. They bought the following things with them: Dick Cheney (George Bush), A gun and some food (Dick Cheney), and K-Fed brought his two kids and a quailing. They are just sitting around and are very bored, so Cheney decides to shoot at K-Fed. K-Fed jumps out of the boat, forgetting he can't swim. The quailing then gets angry and starts kicking the children; they start crying and Cheney throws them out of the boat. The quailing is still there, though. Then George Bush jumps out to save K-Fed, and he swims them all to an island. On the boat it is now just Dick Cheney with his gun and the quailing. Who wins?

The quailing! The quailing takes the gun and shoots Dick Cheney. He dies. The four on the island fall back into the water. Everyone except George Bush and the quailing are dead. George Bush takes home the quailing and keeps it as a pet.

Answer 5

Well, I see you haven't gotten any Little Johnny jokes yet, so here goes nothin'...
Little Johnny was in school. The teacher told the class that she would pick a letter to start a word with. Then for the ones she calls on, to pick a word with that letter, spell it correctly, and make a sentence out of it. She tells Sally to use the letter "c." Sally says "c", "cat." "My cat likes milk." The teacher says "very good." Then the teacher says "Roy, use the letter "d". Roy says "d" - "dog." My dog likes bones. She says "very good." The teacher says, "who's next?", and Little Johnny raises his hand. She knew Little Johnny liked to curse, so she couldn't think of any curse words that started with "r", so she asks him to use it. Little Johnny says "r" - "rat." - one big f****in' rat!"

Answer 6

A man thought he was a dog, so he went to see a psychiatrist. "It's terrible," said the man, "I walk around on all fours, I keep barking in the middle of the night and I can't go past a lamp-post any more."
"OK," said the psychiatrist. "Get on the couch."
The man replied: "I'm not allowed on the couch."

Answer 7

I got a blonde joke.... Why did the blonde keep going to the post office everyday?
Answer: Her computer kept saying she had mail.
not so funny but its still a joke!

Answer 8

Annabel Nicolete had a really bad day at the beach...

Greenpeace kept trying to push her back into the water.

(Sorry, hope it's not too soon ... )

Answer 9

A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"

And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"

The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice: "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit."

Answer 10

Here's a quote from Invader Zim:
ZIM: GIR! What did you do to the telescope?
GIR: Nothing.
ZIM: You didn't touch it at all? Something's broken and it's not your fault?
GIR: I know, I'm scared too.

Answer 11

two blonds one on each side of a river one said to the other how do i get to the other side the other said you are on the other side.well i would just settle for a smile..