Well, the best man was his father, the 7 yr. old nephew was a groomsmen, and the sister-in-law was a bridesmaid. They backed out because they did not agree that we were getting married away. They were for it until the groom didn't call them for a week. And what about the 7yr old not going to his uncle's wedding. How devistating is that to him, since it was talked up for 9mths? We tried talking and his dad said I would understand if you did not talk to us again but that is your choice not ours. The dad also said I am immune to feeling guilty and showed no remorse. The Mother and sister in law are lonely and started this whole thing. They stated the groom doesn't put enough effort in to the family because he doesn't call or stop in a weeks time. The longest was a week-n-1/2 time. The mother tries to be real controlling and when she doesn't get her way she talks bad about us, ignores us, and puts stress on us until we give in. What do we do?
2007-02-22 05:07:05 · 9 answers · asked by june 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
this will never stop unless you set boundary's they use things like your wedding to control you and your fiance and it will only get worse as you have kids and are living your life your main concern needs to be the new family you will create and work on that what you need to tell them is that you understand there position but don't agree with it and there choice saddens you but the show will go on and you hope that they can make it to the wedding and invite then like any other guest your nephew is not your problem as sad as it is its his mother who let him down by acting this way and one day when she does it to him because he develops a life he will truly understand what you guys went through and ask for help! but under no circumstances do you go crawling back to them and beg for forgiveness if you do then be prepared to live your life like this forever! when you don't stop by with the kids for a week because your busy guess who gets cut off like a bad arm you and your kids when it your family's turn for a holiday and so you wont be stopping by till the day after then now your dirt but if as a couple you take a stand and set it up that they must respect you and your life and that you will be busy at times so cant all ways get over there or call but that does not change the love and respect you guys have for them and so you would hope they would understand. i mean did they call him? did they stop by to see you guys its a two way street i sure you town is not set up on all one way roads so they could not make the effort and as for his dad saying it would be your guys choice not to talk to them then you guys need to tell him your right it would be and we will just have to see how we fill and hope you guys will live with your choice as we will with ours.but most of all don't let this ruin your day that's what they want they are punishing you and most of all your fiance for not living by their rules and so i guess its time to walk away i have a feeling they will run after you maybe not in time for the wedding but once they see that they have to meet you half way or they will miss out on some of the best parts of their sons life! good luck and stay firm!
2007-02-22 05:46:30 · answer #1 · answered by peterpansdate 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first things first. I'm sure this nephew is upset, but his role in the wedding should NOT have been hyped. It causes MUCH anxiety to children.
Now as far as your future in-laws.........
Know that this is the family you're marrying into. They are already making your life miserable & you're not even married yet.
When your fiance proposed & you accepted, you became betrothed. You are waiting for the legalities via a wedding. Now when this occurred, your loyalty to each other became top priority, over parents, siblings, friends, jobs.
You fiance owes respect to his mother, but that's it.
The family has learned their roles very well & Momma will continue to direct; telling them where they can stand & what lines to say. So be it.
Continue with your wedding plans. If you need to replace these people then do so. You can get just as married without them. But this is going to hurt your fiance not having his family share in this joy; unless he's used to all this.
You & yor fiance need to sit down and have a s-e-r-i-o-u-s discussion over all this. Together you will come to a solution that works for the both of you.
Good Luck.
2007-02-22 13:28:14 · answer #2 · answered by weddrev 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been there. This is your wedding, not theirs. You and your fiance need to do what makes the two of you happy. Your in-laws need to get over themselves. Your fiance needs to put his foot down with his family now or it will only get worse. Do not give in to mommies demands, not now, not ever. My husband and I made that mistake when we were dating. His mother ended up telling him he had to choose, her or me. As for the child, it is really a shame that his mother would do that to him, but you can't control what she does. If he can't be in the wedding, buy him a special gift while you are on your honeymoon, that will show him that you are thinking of him even if he isn't there.
2007-02-22 13:25:52 · answer #3 · answered by QT 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok i know family is important but to get married uneed a bride, groom, officiant and 2 witnesses. go ahead with ur wedding. remove some items. best man, groom, bridesmaid, ets and move on. the caterers can sign the liscence. dont let people rain on ur happiness. proceed be the bigger person and if they shaow up hand them a drink.
2007-02-22 17:30:01 · answer #4 · answered by ray g 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that this time should be an exciting time for the two of you and even though the family is trying to control the two of you and blame you, but you need to realize that you both will truly regret it if the family is not there, its the most important day of your lives and your loved ones should be there. the two of you should visit the family and explain to them that you didnt mean to ignore them , you have been stressed and busy but that they truly do matter to you guys!! trust me they will come around, they just want to be involved and mattered, so yeah you should call them and visit as much as you could, to let them know that you care about them!! Good Luck!!
2007-02-22 13:19:01 · answer #5 · answered by Haikouhi A 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to stop letting the family rule and ruin your life. I would move as far away from the in laws as possible.
2007-02-22 13:13:09 · answer #6 · answered by red1967 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Elope and move 2 states away.
2007-02-22 13:16:13 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its your day - do as the 2 of you please.
2007-02-22 13:11:17 · answer #8 · answered by Tiger by the Tail 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Elope!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-02-22 13:12:05 · answer #9 · answered by Tennessee Mom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋