Is it better to have all of your kids at once or to spread them out over many years?

Question

My husband and I have always been in agreement that we want a large number of kids around 4-6. And we've always also felt like it would be easier to have them all in a small amount of time, so we have them all in the same stage at similar times. But obviously we have no experience with children over age 4, since that's our oldest. So I'm asking for personal experiences of people with kids both closely spaced and spread out, about the pros and cons of each and what they think is best and why?

Answer 1

Just from my personal experience, I like to have them closer together. I have 3 children, my oldest is 7 and then I have a 3 and a 2 year old. My 3 and 2 year old are the best of buddies and they play together all the time, because they are so close in age. My 7 year old tends to feel a little left out at times because she feels like she has no one to play with since her brother and sister are a lot younger than her. The other downside to my situation was when I brought my son home from the hospital, my middle child was only 18 months old. Then later, I basically had 2 children going through the "terrible twos" at the same time. It was constant insanity! It is getting a little better now as my 3 year old is getting close to turning 4 and is becoming more mature. So, I think it is good for the kids to be closer in age. It seems as though they get along better and have more in common. However, it is crazier for the parents having all these little ones at once and I sometimes think about what we will do down the road when the 2 youngest kids want cars at the same time. Then they will also be in college at the same time, so could pose a little financial problem there, but we will just have to plan ahead for things like that. Overall, though, I am still in favor of having them close together. I don't mind putting up with the extra stress, if it means my kids will have closer relationships down the road. My brother is 6 years younger than me and I always felt like we were living in 2 different worlds. I was married with 2 children before he even graduated high school! I wish we could have been closer. Good luck to you!

Answer 2

My boys are 3 and 18 months old. I'm glad I had them close together (though to be truthful, the second was a surprise lol) because they'll never be lonely. When I was growing up I had a brother a year older than me and a little sister. Things like holidays, christmas were so much more special because I had people to share my memories with. My boys adore each other too, at night when they're supposed to be asleep, you can hear my eldest chattering away and his little brother giggling and screeching (anything his big brother says is cause for clapping and delight).
On the other hand, having you children farther apart might make them a little more independent. Because I had my brother and sister to play with, I wasn't really forced to make friends and get used to speaking to new people, I used my siblings as a security blanket. Children who have no siblings or who have siblings considerably older or younger than them will have no choice but to make friends their own age.
It really depends on if you think you can cope. Having 2 little boys close in age has been really hard work. I feel like I never get enough sleep, there's a never ending cycle of laundry, dishes, cleaning, putting toys away, soothing, petting, sorting out squabbles, disciplining, cooking etc...but I've never been happier ;)

Answer 3

I wish I was able to have kids so close together I grew up only 3 years younger then my older brother and we got a long great, even whenwe were in high school. my 4 kids are 6, 4 and 1 month ( the one month old babies are twins), and my 6 and 4 year old get along great, we'll have to wait to see about the twins and my 4 year old. so far she still likes helping me with the babies, hopefully this will last.

I think it's not really how close they are in ages that makes them get along, my oldest brother is 7 years older then I am and we get along really well he's one one of my best freinds, always has been. I think it's more how you raise them and how you treat each child. my parent's didn't play favorites and we get along great. A family I know had kids about the same time my parents had us, and those parent's played favorites with their kids and they don't get along to well. Just a thought.

Answer 4

I like the pairs idea...have two really close then wait 3 years have another two really close and keep going until you are done and dont' want any more. My friends did this and each pair of kids felt special plus they had someone to play with and be interested in the same things. Plus when they are three or so they can make good fetch and carry for the babies...ie "you're my little helper can you go get mommy a diaper"

Answer 5

i think having them somewhat close together is best mine are 2 1/2 years apart they play together and get along well and are eating the same tings now but it can be stressful trying to do one thing with another asking for something else and as far as the over the years my sister and i are 8 years apart and its hard we dont have the best relationship since she is just about to start high school(14) and i have a job kids life to live when i work shes at school and if i can see her on the weekend it depends upon her life of school or church or something so i say have them closer together and they will always have a great relationship compared to a strain of the many years apart

Answer 6

I personally always wanted my kids close in age. I wanted them to grow up together (hubby is #4 out of 5 kids and was only close to his younger sister who was 19 months younger then him. He didn't become close with his older siblings until he was an ateen/adult) I didn't want that for my children. So we chose to have them close in age. Our oldest is 3 days shy of 20 months apart from our 2nd. Our 2nd is 2 days shy of 2 years apart from our twins. From 2000-2003 we had 4 kids. (two in one shot so we cheated LOL) I happen to love it and can't imagine it any other way. We are hoping to adopt soon and would like to do it in the next few years so that there will not be a huge age difference between the twins and our adopted child. We still want them to grow up together.

Answer 7

My husband and I plan to put about 4 years between so that we only have one child at a time in college. Hopefully that will help us keep up with the high cost of education. Also, we think that it can be tough for a child when there is a sibling attending the same high school or grade school. Who has more friends, who gets better grades, who is more popular, etc.
On the other hand, my best friend has had 3 children in 3 years and they play together great.
Go with your heart.

Answer 8

I think having them closer together would be better. I wish that my children would have been closer together. My daughter is 3 1/2 and I am 30 weeks along with my second child. I just hope that that is not too far apart. I think that if they are closer in age that they would get along better, have more in common. If they are too far apart they won't have anything in common and they won't get along as well. I think about 2 -2 1/2 years is a good spread.

Answer 9

I wish ours could have been close together.

In your case, you might consider having two or three close together, waiting a few years, then having the other two or three kids close together. Having 6 kids very close in age would certainly be a handful, especially when it came time to put them in college.

I do think it's awesome that you want a big family. Not enough people do that anymore.

Answer 10

PROS:
The children will be able to grow up around the same times (new great toys, movies, music, school!!!) those are some great things to have your children around the same ages. and once you have the amount of children you want you can stop with unlimited amount of protection out there.

CONS:
I personally think its a great idea to have them grow up together but the only thing i see that is wrong is,
they are going to be around the same age group lol...
meaning: alot of babies and terrible two-somes.. AT THE SAME TIME!! lol it will be alot harder but i think in the end its worth it lol
GOOD LUCK!