My boyfriend has low sex drive?

Question

My boyfriend drinks a lot. He says his job is stressful and it helps take the edge off. He spends most of his free time with me but we only make love once a month. We see each other about twice a week but when I try to seduce him, I get rejected. He swears there’s no one else. Based on the time he has available and the time he spends with me, I believe him. I'm not sure what to do about this. It's frustrating for me. Could the drinking and stress diminish his sexual drive? His parents, sister and her 2 kids live with him. He's financially responsible for them and anything that goes wrong with the house and the cars. I want to understand him but what about me? I know he cares for me but what is there for me w/his stress, family situation and now the sexual problem, I wonder if I'm holding on to something that I should just let go and move on. He lacks affection but that's just his character and the way he was brought up. That's also a problem for me because I'm very affectionate. I'm not needy but I need to feel the love sometimes. We seem to get along very well and talk for hours. What do I do, what kind of future do I have with him with his current living situation and lack of sexual drive?

Answer 1

My question is: do you love him? If you really love him, you'll try to help him and talk to him about his problem, and while it might be frustrating it won't drive you away. If you really think stress is creating this, why not see if you two can't go on a vacation and see if it changes him any.

Answer 2

First thing he needs to do is move out of his house. Does his family live with him or does he live with his family? He really needs to get away from them. Most likely they are the cause of his stress and drinking. And yes, drinking and stress can kill the sex drive, but there may be other emotional factors involved.

You will have to evaluate the situation to determined if he is the guy for you. By the sounds of it you’re not happy. Sex once a month isn’t good. A health adult relationship is having great sex at lest 4 times a week.

Best of luck

Answer 3

Actually men do have low sex drives sometimes. There are a lot of different reasons, but stress is too often a cop out reason. I think being on an antidepressant can reduce sex drive as can excessive alcohol. Certain digestive disorders and fatigue disorders can really play a role as well. It will help if your boyfriend gets regular exercise (walking, running, etc.) Sometimes there is a physical problem, such as a circulatory problem. I have suffered with a low sex drive...I've tried to help it out with herbs and other stuff but it is still a problem.

Answer 4

Wow, this guy is pretty incredible....He takes care of his parents, sister and two kids and they all live with him.....This guy has a lot on his plate. Yes, there are men out there with lower sex drives than others and probably more than you would imagine. While your guy does pound a few beers down and does have a stressful job and sounds like a stressfilled home life his low sex drive is probably for real. It is hard to deal with because when you have the hots for someone and when your with them sometimes just a kiss can get you in the mood. I lived with one of those guys whose sex drive was certainly dormant compared to mine. While your guy make take offense to your mentioning that he should seek medical attention for his minimal desires to have sex...depends on how long you have been seeing each other and how he treats you as a person.....A male is in his prime (sexually) when he is a teenager. Women we hit ours in our mid 30's and 40's..... It can be very hard to deal with. Good luck to you.

Answer 5

It is not as uncommon as many think. Many men experience decreased sex drive, especially if they are depressed. Drinking and stress can also decrease your sex drive contrary to the comment above. I would be more concerned over the drinking etc... From the sound of it he may be depressed. I would aproach the subjuct of depression, that may be the reason he is drinking, and I am sure it is the reason for his lack of interest in sex.

Answer 6

Dear Confused: I just quit drinking two months ago and it improves my sex life dramatically! That is probably the main problem. I don't know what you look like but I'm sure you must be attractive. The other five times a week when you don't see your boyfriend you should come and see me instead! [e-mail]

Answer 7

I had this problem with an old boyfriend. expect we slept in the same bed everynight and lived together. it did get really furstrating. he drank alot as well but also dabbled in drugs. The best you can do is try to talk to him about it. Don't nag tho because they will push him away. Just talk and if there is nothing you can do, you have to accept it or move on to someone else.

Answer 8

i have never heard of a man with a low sex drive. The possibilities are endless of what might be going on. There could be another woman, he might be tired of you in bed, he might not be satisfied with the sex life u guys share, he might want something different, and list goes on and on. Just talk to him about it and see where it goes.

Answer 9

yes drinking will realy dimminish his sex drive if he drinks a lot.. but if he only drinks once in a while it might not matter but if he drinks evry day it will affect him like being drunk all the time he will be limp..

Answer 10

Hate to tell you this, but your relationship is over. Most people I know that drink get horny and if doesn't want to hook up, then I am guessing he is just too lazy to brake up himself. Or just be aggressive, guys love it when a girl just goes at him!