Husband wants big wedding, I don't?

Question

has anyone else been in this situation? My husband and I married JOP, because i refused to wait years and years until we could afford a big wedding without going into debt, but that was only if i agreed to have a vow renewal later. Do you think he just wants a big celebration? is it strange to have the roles reversed like this (i don't like going to weddings, never mind being in one. i have very happy with the jop. my hubby says he wants to see me walk down the aisle)

i think weddings might be easier for people who live near their families... my family lives on the opposite side of the country than his, our friends are new grads and prob don't have the funds for plane fare, hotel and gifts... it just seems like a waste and a burden on a lot of people. i want(ed) to be his wife. a big show wasn't (and didn't) make me any more his wife than the jop- except now we're not fighting over debt. but maybe i can stage a big to do in a few years i guess. i did promise. it just seems silly to me (esp as we'll have been married for five years by then)

and yes, 30k is a lot. that's almost a year's tuition at a good school. I'd rather have a house or another year of school than a big 3 hour extravaganza

Answer 1

well...you two will have to find a way to compromise about this situation. but i agree with you...why rush going into debt just to show off? when you can save for it and not worry about going into debt later on. maybe there are some situations where he can have his big celebration and then you dissapear for the rest of the day or something.

Answer 2

Marriage is about compromise, besides what do you consider a big wedding?
Are you really that self conscious? Why don't you make your husband happy, it's not like he is asking you to have a threesome. You should be happy that your hubby wants to show people how he cares. Maybe his family also wants to see you two walk down the aisle.
In a way you are being selfish, you say you "refused to wait until you could afford the wedding" so he married you, why can't you do something for your hubby?

Believe it or not a thing like that can harm a marriage, and you won't even realize when he leaves you and has a BIG wedding with someone else.
I know this sounds drastic, but you need to respect his wishes also.

I know that when we have wedding in my family they are usually huge and meant for everyone to have a good time, last wedding was 250 people costing over $30,000 and all that money plus additional thousands was "returned" from the gifts at the party it self.
My boyfriend's family on the other hand has very small weddings, with maybe 60 people at the most, and the last wedding had only 20 people, and it was a small dinner at a restaurant.
You may do a small wedding, but most of all you should figure this out with your husband not strangers on yahoo.
We can only give you advice, and can't tell you what to do.
Best of luck

Answer 3

Why don't you talk to your hubby about what's behind his decision?
He might feel like you were cheated by not having a BIG wedding. You need to assure him it's being married to him is what it's all about, and that you are VERY satisfied with the fact that you had a wedding ceremony with the JoP.

Couples renew their vows for a variety of reasons. They've hit a landmark of maybe 15 years, have had some stormy times & want to reaffirm their love & commitment or there's been an indiscretion & they want to make a fresh start.

Now if he insists on a big wedding, you're going to have to compromise. Maybe a small gathering of family & friends for the renewal ceremony & then throw one-heck-of-a-celebration reception.
This is something only the two of you can decide on.

Answer 4

My husband and I did a small JoP marriage, and we did have a traditional wedding, it was not large like my husband wanted but we did have our closest friends and family. Some people were upset that we didn't invite them but I just didn't see the point of going into debt for a wedding?! Have something small and intimate to satisfy your husband. Use the extra money for your home, future family. Then like my husband and I almost 20 years now, we are planning a big celebration with friends, family, our three boys, and everybody that's been there from the beginning.

Answer 5

This has nothing to do with money - you two are already married. You don't have "another" wedding just because you didn't have a big do the first time...
A vow renewal would be just a small blessing or ceremony, followed by a nice dinner at your home for your family and close friends. This is usually done on the 25th anniversary, but I have heard lately of it being done on the 10th.

Answer 6

I'm in the same spot. He wants a big wedding, me in the white dress (nevermind we have 9 kids between us from previous marriages) and even wants me to wear a blusher so he can "lift the veil". I don't mind weddings, but I just never saw myself in the big poofy dress with the mile long cathedral veil (which I just purchased inspite of not wanting to). Marriage (and weddings) are a compromise. I want a small wedding - not necessarily the JOP thing - but a nice intimate ceremony and small reception. So, I gave in on the wedding gown/veil and he cut down on the guest list. We're having a church wedding and a banquet hall reception with about 110 people (wedding party included) though granted it's still a little larger than I'd have liked. Good luck.

Answer 7

I felt the same way,Me and my husband got married in a simple ceremony with just a few family members and friends.He wanted to have the big show off wedding.I didn't think it was necessary,I truthfully didn't want to be bothered with everything that went along with planning a wedding.I felt that we could put the money into better use such as buying a home,and our childrens future.Planning a wedding is stressful and I didn't have the time or patience.I just never wanted to have a big wedding.I didn't even have a traditional dress.And I still don't regret it,I'm happy about the way we did it,simple and stress free.My husband sees it the same way now.

Answer 8

What about the two of you flying somewhere exotic and renewing your vows with just the two of you there. You can get an inexpensive dress and walk down a beach or garden path to him. Have a videographer make a recording of it. Then, when you return home, send out an announcement to all your close friends inviting them to the renewal party. Show a video of your renewals on a large screen and let the party begin! You can cut the cost by allot...as you won't need flowers, favors, or dresses! You both get what you want this way!

Answer 9

I never wanted to have a big wedding... Been married 3 times, never had one; every time I either eloped, or had a very small and informal wedding. Never met a guy who was dead set on having a big wedding, so I don't know how I would react. But planning a "vow renewal" should be less stressful than planning a wedding. I think, you could certainly indulge your husband and have a nice vow renewal ceremony. You got your wish when you got married - and he deserves to get his. Congratulations.

Answer 10

I was in the same situation. I told him that if he wanted the big wedding he would have to do everything, thinking he wouldn't. I was wrong....before I knew it he had booked everything and worked a lot of overtime to get the money. We ended up having a wedding with 350 guests. Only spent 13,000.00. All I had to do was choose my bridesmaids dresses and mine. He did everything. Shocked!!!

He probably does want the celebration, he probably feels as if you are very special and deserve a big wedding. I didn't regret mine.

Unfortunately, we ended up divorcing last year! I still don't regret the big wedding. We had a great time!