im 18 pregnant and my boyfriend is going to Iraq when our baby is 2 months old. My parents are deceased?

Question

i basically dont have anyone but his brother who is about to have his own baby in March which makes our children like 2 weeks apart. and my brothers and sisters live 1- 4 hours away. how do i cope with rasing a newborn and boyfriend being in the worst part of Iraq? please help!!!!!!!!!

i basically dont have anyone but his bro. but his baby is due 2weeks before ours. and my bros and sisters live 1- hours away. it doesnt help that hes going to the worst part of Iraq. BUT he just came back from Korea. so we thought we had enough time. TRUST me everything was taken into consideration! help!

Answer 1

I feel for you. I had my first baby when I was 19 my husband was deployed during my pregnancy, and I had our son alone. It was the loneliest I think I have ever felt. I was fortunate enough that he came home 2 weeks after our son was born. It will be hard for you, and anyone who tells you otherwise is full of bologna! But, you have to remember, you are a mom now and have to be strong for your child. Find a local parent support group...other spouses being left behind when his unit deploys. Trust me, you will all bring one another strength! Write often to your boyfriend, send video of the baby....he is missing out on alot more than you will be. His stresses over it are probably as high as yours...so be supportive. You can do this! I wish you the best of luck honey.
My email on file if you ever need to vent. A special thanks to your boyfriend for serving our country....and to you for standing by his side.

Answer 2

Wow! the answers I have read so far have been less than helpful!

Your family should be able to help you, 1-4 hours away is not that far! Your boyfriend's brothers wife/girlfriend is not a bad choice either if you get along. The two of you will be going through the same stuff at the same time. Even if neither of you are sure what to do, when you feel crazy you can call someone who will at least understand how you feel.

You will need a support network of some kind. Have you considered marrying your boyfriend? If you do you may be able to live on a base where you can make friends with other moms. There will be groups of women in the same boat with you and they may be able to give you support and advice. If that is not an option, consider joining La Leche League after your baby is born. This is a breastfeeding group. Most people join this group to get advice and support for breastfeeding but you could also use this group to meet other new moms, and some experienced moms as well. Also, consider joining a church. You may have to try several churches before you find a good fit. Unfortunately, some churches might make you uncomfortable as a unwed mom, but some will welcome you even if you do not share their specific beliefs. Again, this is a way for you to surround yourself with other women who are experienced moms and might be able to help you. Some communities have support groups for new moms. Look on-line or call local hospitals to find out if there are groups like this in your area.

Bottom line: you should not attempt to do this alone. You need support. You are going to have to be creative and determined and find the support you need. good luck!

Answer 3

To some of those that answered about most bases having support groups, yes they do but since they aren't married it won't be any help to her.

You are lucky that you have family 1-4 hours away, I am sure that they will help. Since the two of you aren't married why not go stay with family while he is deployed? Unless of course this isn't feasilbe because of job/lease you can't break etc...

I wouldn't suggest getting married just because he is leaving for Iraq, seen way to many of those marriages not work. We as advice givers have no clue as to how long these two have been together so to suggest that because of benefits for her is upsurd.
I don't know what else to say, in sense don't feel sorry for you. Women do it all the time. If you weren't ready to have a baby you should of used birth control. Let me guess? It didn't work.....

Answer 4

Ignore the people who are being nasty to you. It's not your fault this is going to happen while your baby is 2 months old, and this happens to people unexpectedly even when they do try to plan.

Join a mommy and me group with your little one, it will be a fun way to get out. Also you can make weekly playdates with your brothers son/daughter, that'll be a good free way to also have some company. This is going to be really hard for you, but you can get through this! Keep in as much touch as you can with your boyfriend, write letters, talk on the phone, whatever you can do. Also keep as busy as possible. With a two month old you will be pretty busy but when you have some down time, you can do scrapbooks for your baby, or take up knitting. Also there's a website online where you can "adopt a soldier". You send care packages and letter and things like that. That might help keep you busy, while helping out the people alongside your boyfriend fighting for our country.

I'm 18 also, and I have a 9 month old daughter. I'm a member of this wonderful, supportive website/message boards for young parents. If you're interested in getting involved, let me know! E-mail me or something.

Either way, keep your head up! Things will be tough but take each day at a time and breathe through the hard times! Good luck hun.

Answer 5

Honey, I really know what that feels like. I was 34 weeks pregnant when the Iraq war began. DH's guard unit was activated quickly. The thought of doing it on my own was horrifying.

But you know what? I realized that it was going to have to be my job to take of my baby. I knew I couldn't depend on anyone else, so by the time he was born I was mentally prepared for it. Yes, it was tough. But I did it, and you can, too. You'll be amazed at how quickly you learn to juggle a baby and everything else that must be done.

Talk to the family support for his unit. They can give you a lot of moral support and direction. Also, if you don't have one, a church family is a huge help in a time like this as well.

Hang in there. I feel for you, and I deeply appreciate the sacrifices that the families of the servicemen & women have made.

Answer 6

You are in a very precarious position. You're unmarried, pregnant, and soon to be alone.

You really only have two possible directions to go with this.

One, you get married, and I mean now, so that you have at least some kind of security, (and family) especially if something bad should happen to your honey in Iraq. Spouses have privileges and are entitled to compensation that you won't get if you're just a girlfriend. Then get to know the other base wives and develop a support system that way.

Two, you don't get married, and you give the baby up for adoption. What you're facing is extremely difficult, and it might be best to just have yourself to deal with and support once he's deployed. You're little more than a child yourself, and you will have to be incredibly strong to handle the life you're setting yourself up for. If he's not willing to marry you right away (like tomorrow), I vote for this option.

Good luck, I wish you well.

Answer 7

Oh my gosh! My prayers are with you!
Can I suggest that if you don't have a church now, that you find a Christ-centered one that has a great support system for you!
You can join adult bible-studies or attend Sunday school and have the baby be in the nursery during that time.
Please find some support for yourself. Having a tiny baby can be such a joyous time for you, but it will be exhausting if you are alone and have noone to share milestones with.
My prayers go out to your boyfriend too! My son will go out on his 3rd tour in October, so I understand how difficult this will be.

Answer 8

Most bases have a support system for wives and mothers of troops. If you aren't living on a base check out the internet and see if there are some groups in your area. I know it feels crazy and frustrating but you aren't the first person to which this has happend. Find others in your situation and support each other.

Answer 9

I know that the marine bases here in California have support groups for those families left behind, lots of wives are in the same position you are and they usually take care of their own. Ask other people what is available where you are. Don't be shy, make friends with other girlfriends and wives.

Answer 10

my hubby deployed when my son was 2 months. I stayed near base, far from family thinking it was the best thing. in reality its so hard. my son kept me busy, i pretty much stayed in touch wit my hubbys friends wife. They have meetings for families who stay on post. and they kept us up to date on the husbands. Its really up to you. theres daycares and nurserys where you can leave your child, and maybe you can find a job to keep busy. it makes time so much quicker. you can also ask family to visit or you can visit them. you can also put everything in storage and move closer to your brothers or sisters. sometimes having family nearby makes it easier. if you cant, theres groups you can join. or maybe neighbors you can meet to help if you need it. I went crazy the first few wks after my hubby left. my son didnt sleep, and i had no help at all. but thru time and patience, everything will work out. my hubby missed alot of things, but i videotaped it and sent it to him. and write letters wit pictures. and theres webcams and phones, where you and your hubby can keep in touch. dont worry, you are not alone. good luck.