advice about having a baby at 38?

Question

I have been married to the love of my life for 7 yrs now, we have thought of concieving but have just never done it. i have 3 kids who are 19,17, and 16. i am also in college full time finishing my ba in psy, then off to my masters degree. i want to have a baby with my husband but i feel i might be too old. i am 38 this yr and my husband is 48. i was trying to figure it out and by the time i have the baby and the baby turns 18 my husband will be 67! i feel maybe we waited to long. i also wonder if haveing this baby will come between us we are very close. and have so many plans with opening our business and buying a house and finishing school. so what do you all think? i always regret we didnt do it earlier and i know if we dont have one i will regert it. i love my husband so much that i really would like to have one with him. thanks all.

Answer 1

Right, here goes - I had been with my partner for 6 years before we decided to have a child. Were both 38 at the time and our son was born a month before our 39th birthdays.

I had a trouble free pregnancy (I think I was very lucky), and didn't suffer any prejudices from other people.

After the birth of our son I did suffer slight PND - my main worry was about death. Not very nice, but being an older parent, I wondered how I would be able to look after my lad when and if he decided to go to university. Would I be around for his 30th/40th birthday etc.

I got through all those thoughts by thinking or using the thought, I could be run over by a bus tomorrow. Both my partner and myself are healthy and we have tried to provide for our son's future.

Don't regret not doing it earlier - I went through that thought process and it doesn't do you any good.

If this is something both you and your husband want, can provide for and are in good health at the moment damn well go for it girl.

My partner and myself are now 40 - and whilst I do at times wish that I had done this years ago, I don't honestly think that I would have been able to give my son the love/affection/ and security that I can afford him today.

Follow your heart and enjoy.

Answer 2

Well it sounds like you've alot to think about but if you really want a baby go for it it doesn't matter that your husband will be 67 he'll still be a good father whatever his age.You can have a child and still do a degree it may take you a little longer thats all. My son is 3 and i start a new job soon and plan to get my diploma through my job. Im only 21 but my sister had my neice when she was 38 and has a full time job and has also has an older daughter thats 20. My partner is 41 and will be 56 when my son is 18 and my dad was 40 when i was born so i don't think it really matters.

Answer 3

i dont think that you should i mean kids are great but being pregnant while having all these goals and your plate so full already it justs sounds like something would break im not trying to dishearten you but how does the "love of your life" feel about this i mean i think you should be grateful for the kids you have and not try for one now there may be the regret of not doing it at all but how would it feel to have a child and grandchild the same age that would be weird and unless you have lots of money to play with its not the best idea i mean college pursuit of your masters is a buttload of money wanting to buy a house is more kids cost a lot and with the age of the ones you have wont they need your help with money for college if you have the money to play with and if you have your degree going for more accreditadtion when would you have time to take on a new born or pregnancy and keep the class load or job from faultering to failure can you sit there and say that you have nothing to lose or that you could time this out to where your delivery occured after spring semester then recovery and going back to fall semester to continue how would your husband manage a screaming baby with you in school or trying to do homework and you screaming back just feed her i have 2000 word essay for professor sonso due tomorrow i was up all night with her colic and if i dont turn it in i flunk not very good for a relationship plus when you should be enjoying your own business you will have to worry about little jenny going to school or buying a car for her to drive when you have like a million in student loans to repay and the costs of holding your own business together then on top of that you have to get the foundation of the house repaired because it cracked and now a window has broken so i think in reality time has passed for you two your not the young sparrow that can do things easily and i think that adding a baby to everything you have going would cause something to break or fail just enjoy your husband and the kids you do have then you can enjoy the grandkids without the 2, 3, 4, am feeding having tobe at work at 6 you know i mean i hope i could help without making you feel hurt good luck on your degrees

Answer 4

So glad you posted this question, I am 37 with a 16 year old daughter from my first marriage and am now married again. My new husband has never wanted children but has recently admitted he'd like one, he's 40 now. I've recently started a new job so wouldn't be able to have one for at least two years but then I'd be nearly 40 myself. After wrestling with this for months we have finally decided that in a couple of years we will try and if it happens then it was meant to be, I worry about my fertility now I must admit but I see in the papers all the time about older women having babies, it does seem to be more the norm now and I would say that as you have said that you feel you will regret it if you don't then you've answered your own question so go for it. I'd love to know the outcome, so post a question on pregnancy for older ladies if you decide to add to your family

Answer 5

There is no greater blessing than the kids that God blesses us with!
I have 2 adult kids and 2 (way) younger kids and I can tell you that the younger ones are definitely benefiting from all the wisdom gained raising the older two! Being older gives you perspective that you didn't have before...you know which battles to choose.
I was 40 when I had my youngest guy and although I may not have the energy I did when I was twenty, it is still the best thing in the world to look at his little face!
Just make sure you are going to have enough time to raise the little one...no need to have a child that the nanny will raise.

Answer 6

I think it's too late. It sounds like you have enough on your plate. I'm assuming your 3 kids haven't finished college yet, you are still going to school, and you are starting a business. Where does that leave time/money for a baby? What does your husband want? He would be facing retirement with a minor child to worry about. Are you prepared to deal with the increased risk of birth defects, down syndrome, autism (older fathers)? I'm your age, and as much as I adore my children (10 & 13), I am looking forward to the time when I can devote more time to my own pursuits, and spend more time with my husband.

Answer 7

i am 45 and my wife is 35, we've 2 boys 11 and 13, we also have a daughter aged 2, the way i see it is this, if you and your husband love eachother and your marriage is sound , AND you want a child together, go for it. Age doesn't realy matter these days, many poeple have children later because of a career or because of a change in relationships, the important thing is raising the child in a secure loving home, and being "mature" parents can be invaluable to the child, so go ahead, stop practacing, and make a baby, good luck,

Answer 8

Hi, Im 10 weeks pregnant and 38 in October. I have 2 other children, 10 and 18. My partner has 4 children. We both run 3 businesses and I work full time. OK OK so i do worry about how im going to cope with the sleepness nights, but hey ill get over it after a year or so! - was lucky before!!! So follow your heart, i did and no regrets at all! xx

Answer 9

Biologically, it's not really that late to conceive, but what matters the most is your general state of health, so, it's probably best to discuss this with a GP or a specialist. Of course, with having a baby, there are a lot factors to take into account, personal, emotional welfare of you, your husband and your other kids...and not forgetting the practicalities of juggling your own studies, work, issues concerning finances and also the welfare and needs of your other three children. If you have all of these in order and under good management, then go for it!

Answer 10

I don't think that 38 is that old to have a baby. You should talk to your doctor about it and get his/her opinion. Make sure that there won't be any health issues. I do think that your husband is too old. When i was 18 my grandmother was 67. If you're in college trying to get your masters having a baby will put everything on hold. It's really up to you but think about it first.