my mother inlaw and i used to get along ok but i have now been told to F*** off by her. She chose to divorse my husbands father for a man 20 years her young wich she shares a very unhealthy life with, they argue fight and beat each other up, i continualy ask her not to call my house with her problems she gets my husband so reved up and im the one who has to calm him down. Im afraid he will set out to get his mothers boyfriend and may loose control ending up with a criminal record or even go to prison. We both work very hard for what we have and i dont want to loose what we have. Am i being too harsh in saying that my mother inlaw is a huge attention seeker and lover chaos in her life she makes the choice everday to stay with him so am i wrong to tell her not to call my house with her self inflicded problems?
2007-02-22 04:17:34 · 13 answers · asked by Kenny K 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Actually you are right. If she has the will to continue the relationship she should be able to handle to consquences. Your husband should n't be called everytime they have a disagreement espicially if its as often as it sounds. But you shouldn't have to tell his mom that. He should have talked to her already. talk to your husband and let him know that her unhealthy relationship with her man has started to leak into your relationship and he has to do something about it. His mom disrespected you and I don't know your response but he should have talked to her about what she said to you. Please don't accept any excuses for grown woman's issues. There will always be fights and your husband may always leap to his mom's aide. It's up to you to regulate what goes on in your house hold not hers.
2007-02-22 04:25:35 · answer #1 · answered by Sunshine 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I don't think you should tell her not to call. Right or wrong, she's family. We may cut ties with friends, acquaintances and jobs that we find have become taxing, but we aren't supposed to with family. We keep those ties, even if it means we simply keep repeating our best advice regardless of how tedious that becomes.
If she seems to be physically abused, tell your husband you feel duty-bound to call the police. That's the action a concerned family should take, and it may actually have a preventative effect. Meanwhile, take a deep breath and prepare the shortest speech you can repeat to her as many times as it takes. I suggest:
"I care about you, and I miss getting along with you. Your son and I are so worried about you, because things obviously aren't going well. We're even worried about your safety. I'm willing to help you make arrangements to be in a safe place, but if you say there isn't a problem there isn't anything we can do. If you say there's a problem but I can't help you with it, there's nothing I can do. If there's nothing we can do, let's talk about something else." Listen to her when you can, repeat this every time you need a break until she gets it.
2007-02-22 12:59:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
When she calls your house, tell her to hold on, you're going to put your husband on the phone right away. Lay the phone down and forget to tell him. Hours later you suddenly remember that she called and you wonder if she's still on the other line waiting.
2007-02-22 13:53:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not the one that's wrong. Your husband is the one that should make this call. Just like your husband wanted his mother to cut the apron strings and allow him to grow up and make his own life choices it's time for him to cut his side. This doesn't mean he doesn't love her, he just doesn't enjoy her chaos.
2007-02-22 12:29:27 · answer #4 · answered by Carly K 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
no-your not wrong. i am in a similar situation. my mother who married a racist habitual liar is now seeking a divorce after 14 years because she found out recently that he has another woman pregnant and has been cheating on her for more than 3 years now. she constantly wants to cry on my shoulder, but its hard for me to feel sorry for her when she brought it all on her self. it hurts even more because im bi-racial and was never let be myself for over 10 years. i completly understand your situation and feelings and no i dont think you are wrong by not wanting to get caught up in her problems.
2007-02-22 12:28:20 · answer #5 · answered by denetta d 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not crazy....and she is just like you said seeking attention.
Your hubby is going to have to make the decision if and when he talks to her....I know its hard for you to watch it hurt him so much....however he is a grown man and it is his mother.
however until things settle....I think I would turn the ringer off.
Let the answering machine pick up....and enjoy some peace and quiet....I am sure the calls can wait ....and maybe the drama will settle by the time you listen to them and wait to return the call.
Best wishes
2007-02-22 12:46:43 · answer #6 · answered by travelingirl005 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you may be right and she may be all things wrong but what can you really do?this is your husbands mother and he will always feel protective of her and until he sees her in the way you do as causing her own troubles,he'll continue to be at her beck and call.You on the other hand have to stop saying the words to him that she is bad and he must accept what's really happening on his own.
2007-02-22 12:23:20 · answer #7 · answered by punkin 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
shes your family.. you don't turn your back on family just because their lives have became an inconvience..
would you be asking this question if she was your own mom?
my guess is be there for her.. and help her out as much as you can
she's your family now..
2007-02-22 12:21:41 · answer #8 · answered by steph 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I used to have Mother-in-law nightmare.
She made our life miserable...for 17 years....then she just dropped dead....
2007-02-22 12:54:37 · answer #9 · answered by Bobbie4u 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
call Dr. Phil on her!
2007-02-22 12:23:29 · answer #10 · answered by *Alice* 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋