Jokes about Muslims?

Question

Just to be fair, time for some Islamic jokes :P

A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life. A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl" The man says: - "But I am not a New Yorker!" "Oh ,then it will say in newspapers in the morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" – the policeman answers. "But I am not
an American!" – says the man. "Oh, what are you then? " The man says: - "I am a Saudi !" The next day the newspapers says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog.

An Imam was selling his horse in the market. An interested buyer came to him and requested if he could get a test drive. The Imam told the man that this horse is unique. In order to make it walk, you have to say Subhanallah. To make it run, you have to say Alhamdulillah and to make it stop, you have to say Allahu Akbar. The man sat on the horse and said Subhanallah. The horse started to walk. Then he said Alhamdulillah and it started to run. He kept saying Alhamdulillah and the horse started running faster and faster. All of a sudden the man noticed that the horse is running towards the edge of the hill that he was riding on. Being overly fearful, he forgot how to stop the horse. He kept saying all these words out of confusion. When the horse was just near the edge, he remembered Allahu Akbar and said it out loud. The horse stopped just one step away from the edge. The man took a deep breath, looked up towards the sky and said Alhamdulillah!

(P/s: Muslims say Alhamdulillah as like "Thank God")

Here is the story of an Imam who got after Friday prayers and announced to the people:

"I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."

The Imam of a mosque, who was also a father of two young children, was about to enter the majid to give the Khutbah (Friday sermon). Before he entered he reminded them to be quiet - especially when he is giving his khutbah.

He then asked his children, "And why is it necessary to be quiet during Jummah?"

Little Ahmed jumped up and yelled, "Because people are all sleeping!"

Answer 1

Loved the jokes!

Answer 2

The Islamic Q’uran is NON-Contextual and relies on the Bukhari to paint its backdrops. (Top 2 most ‘holy’ Islamic books). These teachings are prevalent throughout the book.

Judge the following for yourself.

Qur’an 8:60 “Infidels should not think that they can get away from us. Prepare against them whatever arms and weaponry you can muster so that you may terrorize them.”
Bukhari:V4B52N260 “The Prophet said, ‘If a Muslim discards his religion, kill him!’”
Qur’an 5:51 “Believers, take not Jews and Christians for your friends.”
Bukhari [4:52:177]: Allah's Apostle said, "The Hour will not be established until you fight with the Jews, and the stone behind which a Jew will be hiding will say. "O Muslim! There is a Jew hiding behind me, so kill him!"

THOUGH THE ISLAMIC ALLAH WANTS MUSLIMS TO KILL ALL NON-MUSLIMS, MANY MUSLIMS ARE NOT DOING SO AT THIS MOMENT (WITH DISAPPOINTMENT FROM THE FUNDAMENTALIST ISLAMISTS) BECAUSE THEY ARE NOW ENJOYING THEMSELVES, SOME AFRAID OF REPRISALS. DON'T THINK FOR A MOMENT THAT MUSLIMS ARE PEACEFUL. IF THEY SEEM TO BE, THEY ARE ACTUALLY NON-PRACTICING MUSLIMS.

Perhaps you think this is bullshit. But wait. Take a quick glance below of islam’s founder’s behaviour recorded in one of the most authentic Islamic texts ever recorded below and you will not think so again. Remember this, Muhammad personified the teachings of the Q’uran.

MUHAMMED HAS NO MERCY; Sahih Bukhary; and Hanbel.
Bukhary, Volume 1, Book 4, Number 234:

Bukhari, V1B4N234: "A group of people from the Oreyneh and Oqayelh tribes came to the prophet to embrace Islam, the prophet advised them to drink the urine of the camels. Later on when they killed the prophet's shepherd, the prophet seized them, gouged out their eyes, cut their hands and legs, and left them thirsty in the desert to die."

IF MUHAMMAD WAS A MURDERER, A RAPIST, A PEODPHILE, A LIAR, WHAT LESS CAN YOU EXPECT OF HIS FOLLOWERS? MUSLIMS BECOME TERRORISTS BECAUSE THATS WHAT THEY ARE MEANT TO BECOME. BECAUSE THAT IS TRUE ISLAM. WHAT IS TRUE, IS WHAT HAS BEEN WRITTEN, NOT WHAT PEOPLE TELL YOU AND WANT YOU TO BELIEVE.

http://www.bibleprobe.com/muhammad.htm
http://www.prophetofdoom.net

Answer 3

like the later 2... read the first one before

Answer 4

Great jokes! But aren't you afraid of going to prison for telling them?

Answer 5

Funny.

Answer 6

Lol. Funny jokes, akhi.

Answer 7

lol i've read the first one before

Answer 8

Lol, very good jokes!

Answer 9

LOL.. those are good