How do I get rid of hateful feelings toward a person who has lied and betrayed me?

Question

A very close friend, one with whom I have been involved with for a long time, has recently toyed with me, lead me on to believe he was trying to work on a relationship between us, while really what he was doing, was using me and hoping for something with someone else. Dumped me "so to speak" right before Valentines Day so he could spend time with her. I had told him before our relationship became any 'closer' that I did not want to be involved with him if he was still hanging out with this person. He told me 'no problem', but went ahead and did and lied about to me. So I want to know how to get rid of these awful feelings that have come to me as a result. Please understand that the depth of pain here is enormous. I don't want it anymore.

Answer 1

It's important to realize that you're only hurting yourself with the anger you feel toward him. Your feelings won't change him, won't hurt him back, won't make him understand how you feel.

You have to make the conscious decision to let go of him and the idea of having him in your life. Give up on any fantasies that he might one day see the error of his ways and realize that you are the ideal woman for him. Give up on the idea of staying friends with him, because you can never really go back to being friends after something like this.

Once you've made the decision to let him go, you can let go of the anger and the hurt as well. The residual pain will lessen as you live life each day until it no longer bothers you, like a physical wound that takes time to heal.

Answer 2

The best thing for you own health (physical and mental) is to let it go. Stress can create many problems emotionally and physically. Harboring hatred or bad feelings for another usually hurts you more than the other person. You need to address your feelings to this person in person or in writing and then you must choose to forgive that person and move on. The pain may linger for awhile. You are grieving the loss of a friendship and like any other loss it can take several months to get fully over it. There are several stages you must go through and this takes time. The most important things are to not waste time or energy on anger or hatred and do not bad mouth this person to the public. This will not make you feel better and will make you look petty to others. Forgive and forget. You will feel better in time.

Answer 3

You've had your heart broken, and I'm sorry but there is no instant cure for it. as a mater of fact most people will tell you time will heal your wounds but I've seen evidence that it doesn't always. I'm sure you feel deeply about him. There isn't much you can do in this situation just know that if you continue to see him and he continues to do this it's going to make worse, and if you think it hurts now it's only going to hurt 10 times worse if and when he does it again. unless you like this enormous overwhelming pain i suggest you take a step back and look around at everything that is going on. I really wish i had the words to take this terrible pain away but I'm convinced they don't exist. I'm sorry, i really hope everything works out for you. take care of yourself, your a good person and you deserve to be happy

Answer 4

The feelings will be there for as long as you allow them too. And you should deal with them and not ignore them. That is a pretty messed up thing for someone to do to another person that cares about them so of course it's a major upset. But don't be consumed by it.

What you do is completely cut that person out of your life. Get rid of anything that reminds you of him. Start doing other things like hanging out with friends or other fun things. Think about it this way, if he did this to you what makes you think he won't do this to someone else? And he probably did you a favor by dumping you. Would you really wanna stay with a guy like this????

So many others out there. It's cliche I know. But I speak from experience. There are too many other things in life to be happy about and grateful for.

Answer 5

I will agree with you to a certain extent. Perhaps you could site for me some examples of Christians pointing out sin in others, but if they are, you're right. "Judgement begins in the house of God." If a Christian were to give a word of caution to another Christian that would be a good thing, but if a Christian is holding a non-believer to a Christian standard then it is indeed foolish on the Christian's part. How can a sinner be expected to do anything less than sin. Having *mercy* is something many of the more "religous" have a real problem with.

Answer 6

You have to occupy your time with different things that do not remind you of this person. If you have to get friends then so be it that way no one will ask you how the relationship is between you and this person. Or if you have anything of theirs at your house destroy it cut up clothes, smash something breakable so maybe they can feel a tiny bit of the hurt you felt when they dumped you on vday to be with someone else

Answer 7

I know it seems hard to get rid of those hateful feelings but you can. Just tell yourself how much more you are worth than him and his games, you don't need to be jerked around by a jerk. I know your pain is enormous, but the longer you hang on to it the worse it will get and eat you up. No one is worth doing that to you.
It isn't easy but you have to "let it Go" get rid of it. Don't talk to him, just act as though he does not exist. It won't be easy but you can do it. Good luck

Answer 8

the reason why you feel that way is because you still have or think you do have feelings for him take a moment & put your feelings together & realize its not even worth thinking & move on with your life live & learn dont give them to much importance

Answer 9

dont speak to him anymore. get some fling to another guy. fling is fun. and i love it..he betrayed you> then betray him. lied to you too? lie to him also. get even.