I am getting married in April and my bm has now decided that she doesn't see why she should pay for her shoes, we agreed when we asked her that she would pay for them, and we would pay for her dress £130, tiara £50, jewelry £25, hair & makeup including trial £85. So I don't think I am being unreasonable asking her to pay for what shoes she wants and the ones she wants are £150 and I won't pay that much for my own never mind her.
If anyone can offer any advice please do.
2007-02-22 03:48:11 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Hi, thanks for the quick replies. She is my Sister In Law 2Be I asked her to try and get to know her a bit better and have actually seen less of her now. When I asked her we agreed together what we would pay for and what she would. Now when I found the shoes she liked but not the price tag she now wants me to pay for them. Then they need dyeing after that.
2007-02-22 04:04:21 · update #1
no, if they wear long dresses, they can chosse thier own shoes. you should not have to pay.
2007-02-22 03:52:54 · answer #1 · answered by NY Lady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Where I live you normally pay for everything for your bridesmaid although I know it differs from place to place........BUT if you agree to be bridesmaid it is what the bride wants, not what the bridesmaid wants. Also if this was an arrangement you made that she would pay the shoes then she should stick to it. Only suggestion I can make is don't give her a trial for her make- up as I am sure that would more than cover shoes that YOU would want. Although I say this it is not the ideal solution as I hate to say it but she can't really think much of you if this is the way she is behaving. Okay had she genuinely been short of money and told you this perhaps you would have got the shoes but at £150 for her to probably wear UNDER a long dress? Tell her to 'get on her bike'. She has an ulterior motive as in wants the shoes to wear to something else.
2007-02-22 04:32:20 · answer #2 · answered by Ms Mat Urity 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. You shouldn't be paying for her dress and accessories, either-that's part of the responsibility of agreeing to be a wedding attendant. Since you are paying for everything else, it sounds like you are being very generous, already.
And it doesn't matter if SHE wants expensive shoes--she should be getting ones that you select.
The only real question that should be asked here is does she or does she not want to be a bridesmaid? If she does, then she coughs up for the footwear. If not, she can wear whatever she wants, as she will be a guest at the wedding, not an attendant.
With all of the stress that you are surely under right now, please don't allow her into bullying you.
On the other hand, you can tell her that you will pay for everything---shoes included---but that she is to return them all to you after the reception. After all, you will have paid for them, right? (I don't know what you'd do with them, but it would make the point that these items are meant for her, and it won't kill her to pay for at least part of them).
2007-02-22 04:30:16 · answer #3 · answered by Daisy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I got married two years ago and had the bridesmaid from hell, I paid for everything, dress, shoes, hair, jewellery and she complained about the lot. I felt if I was asking people to be my bridesmaids then it was only fair that I pay for their outfits, however, all my other bridesmaids said it as my day and what I wanted was fine by them so i know how you feel. So my advice is, find some suitable shoes you like for her up to a value of £30, you can get some lovely ones for that, I did. Then if she's not happy and wants to buy the expensive ones say fine, give her the £30 and she will have to pay the rest. And remember it's your day and don't let her spoil it with her tantrums.
2007-02-22 04:00:54 · answer #4 · answered by Sam 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't pay for them... If she decides you need to pay then choose a pair that YOU think will go with the dress in your price range... If she doesn't like them then she will have to pay for the ones she wants... that is not unreasonable.
It is your day and your decision what the bridesmaids wear... they are the maids of the bride... that is their job.
She needs to understand that weddings are expensive... and certain things take priority in cost.
Either give her a budget or maximum that you are willing to pay for a pair of shoes and let her choose.. or just pick a pair out for her. I would personally choose the latter... and try and get all bridesmaids shoes to match.
I know you don't want to cause bad feeling but it is really not unreasonable to provide her with a cheaper alternative... besides, the bridesmaids aren't meant to really like what they are wearing... they are there to make the bride look good :)
Good luck and congratulations on the wedding :)
2007-02-22 04:38:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In the UK the bride's family pay for nearly everything including the bridesmaids outfits.
This means the bride can choose what she wants them to wear, although my sister did allow the bridesmaid to pick the style of shoes so she was comfortable - my sister specified the colour.
Let your bridesmaid choose the style of shoes she is comfortable with, but set a maximum cost and tell her the colour you want her to get.
If she doesn't agree then say she has to buy her own.
2007-02-22 04:07:50 · answer #6 · answered by sweetcandytoffee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When I was going to be my sister's bridesmaid I had to pay for my (custom made) dress, shoes and everything else. She even insisted that I go and get my hair professionally done before the wedding too at my cost. In the end I ended up not going at all (due to being in hospital suddenly) so tell your bridesmaid this and I think she is quite lucky not to have had to pay for the lot like I did!
Good luck!
2007-02-22 03:54:51 · answer #7 · answered by JoJi 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What a cheek!! Your paying for alll that and she can't even be bothered to buy a pair of shoes!!!
Fair enough the dress, tiara, may not be worn again... but she can wear the shoes on a night out...
Fair enough if it is a child bridesmaid... but she's a grown adult!
Fair enough if you have just recently told her, but she has been aware of this from the start
Stand your ground, make her pay for them!!
Congratulations with the wedding!x
2007-02-22 04:40:12 · answer #8 · answered by ஐ♥PinkBoo - TTC #1♥ஐ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems odd that both of you are quibbling at this stage.
I would have thought your bridesmaid would be a very good friend in which case don't know what the fuss is about either way.
I suspect there is a website that can advise details re wedding procedures, purchase responsibilities.
If nothing yet paid for suggest alternative bridesmaid after you have investigated bride and bridesmaid financial responsibility in this matter.
2007-02-22 03:57:55 · answer #9 · answered by Jewel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As far as I was aware, everything was paid for when you're asked to be a brides maid.
However £150 sounds really excessive, all you can fairly do is tell her how much you were willing to spend on shoes and tell her if she wants her expensive ones she'll have to pay the difference.
I think it's a bit odd to expect your brides maid to pay for her own shoes, but then again you are supposed to choose everything she wears!
2007-02-22 03:55:58 · answer #10 · answered by carly s 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually I don't know why you paid for everything, I think the fair thing was she paid for her dress and make up but you're paying for everything. I think she should of paid 50% of everything because the one who is keeping the whole thing is her!
I imagine she is one of your best friends and if she is, being your bm is disclosing her real way of be: she likes to take advantage of everything and using her friends...SHE IS ABUSIVE My advice is ask her to pay the shoes one more and if she doesn't look for another friend and another bm because she shows she is not a good friend
2007-02-22 03:56:24 · answer #11 · answered by C6 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋