A question about girlfriend attitude about the ring?

Question

I'm still a student and I have limited budget for the ring I'm going to give to my girlfriend, She's 33 and I'm 24. She says with the kind of money I have then she would get an embarrassing ring with a small stone. She insisted on going with me when I choose it to choose what she likes and all her choices were many times more than my budget and it's all I have. She got angry and said get me anything even a gold or silver band and it's what I worth for you. What do you think of this? What should I do?

Girls' opinion is important

She only wants diamonds, princess cut channel with a princess cut diamond in the middle, not less than one carat or it'd be embarrassing.

No, she would not pay the difference or pay for anything. She works abroad currently and makes great money way more than I make, I'm a medical student. In her last vacation she made me pay for her tickets, her stay and everything. She said if I did not pay that would have make her not feel like a woman.

She was in abusive relationships before, she had addiction problems and went through sexual assaults before. These were years ago but she always blame her past abusive relationships for some of her current behaviours

Answer 1

I have been married for a little over a week shy of being 18 years. My husband asked me to marry him and said I should pick the ring because I would be wearing it the rest of my life. I asked him about the price range I could choose in and he gave me an amount to stay in under. I chose a ring that was not 1/6th of what I could have spent. I chose one that I loved, although not as much as I love my husband. The ring is a symbol, yes but not of how much my husband does or does not love me. The amount you spend should not be linked to that love. It is silly and childish to think a big diamond means big love. What it means for most people is big debt. Wouldn't you rather spend that money on a down payment on a house? I had many people tell me well, he can always buy you a big ring down the line, I do not want a bigger ring down the line...our rings were blessed in our marriage ceremony and they are a symbol of a covenant much more sacraed to me than a size of a diamond ring. I would have been just as happy with a cubic zirconia (no one would ever know anyway). It truly is not about jewely but, about your love, devotion, and respect for each other and if your lady does not respect you anymore than what she seems too then I would definetly question her ability to commit to a serious relationship most especially marriage. Seriously it itsn't about the ring! and you have to question her sense of commitment if it is for her. Now if she wants to help pay for it or pay for it if she has a higher paying job then by all means this should not be a threat to your manhood but, I would still question her....seriously I would. She doesn't want to marry you she just wants a ring to show off. And by the way never in my nearly 18 years have I ever been ashamed of my ring or my husband! I would do it again...My husband came in while I was typing this answer and he said the best thing you could do is walk away and find someone who truly loves you!


More after your comments:
The fact that she is unwilling to help-out finacially such as in the matter of the vacation etc. shows her true self. She shouldn't get married because she is unwilling to put 50/50 into a relationship and I am not just discussing money here. It sounds like to me she is looking for a "sugar-daddy" not a husband. As far as abusive relationships...who hasn't had some form of "rough" past? If you contiue to allow the past to dominate and control your present then you are letting the abuser have power and control over you as a person...someone needs to explain that to her and someone needs to tell you she is usuing those past hurts to make you feel protective, and guilty (even though you are not the guilty party) to get what she wants, and it must have worked for her in other ways because she is still using it and doing it. For your sake get away...you are young...go find yourself someone who can love you for you! :)

Answer 2

While I agree with the others that she should be happy with what you can afford, there is a large age difference and you are not in the same place she is financially yet.... at age 33 she's been waiting a while and probably wants a nice large stone to show off...
I wonder if perhaps she might consider a stone other than a diamond? Sapphire, emerald, ruby? All stones of royalty and all used for engagement rings in the past.
Sapphires are the stone for fidelity. A lovely 1 ct + sapphire in gold with side diamonds is about $600, if you can afford more, you can get a larger one or larger side diamonds.
When you are married and have more money in a few years, you can add a diamond band, and then eventually perhaps get her a diamond solitaire and she can wear the sapphire on her right hand.
My engagement ring is a sapphire by my own choice, as I preferred a larger sapphire to a tiny diamond. I think it is so lovely, I don't even want a diamond anymore. We got an anniversary type diamond band for next to it. The both of them came to $1200. I get so many compliments and people love that sapphires stand for fidelity.
IMHO, they look best in white gold.... oh, and no lab created.. that's just a fancy term for fake in my mind.. a real sapphire is precious.

More after your comments:
At this point I have to say I agree with all the others who feel this woman is expecting too much from you and seems materialistic at best. However, I will not attempt to change your mind. You asked for help.
Not knowing your financial situation...there are stores that let you make payments and places like ice.com with what you are looking for for about $2500.
http://www.ice.com/customer/product_detail.jsp?product=107867569&bs=r
or blue nile
http://www.bluenile.com/design.asp?add=1&filter_id=1&view_override=&piderror=&set_shape=PR&style=4782&ring_size=

I'm pretty positive you will not walk into a jewelry store and find this kind of price.
I wish you luck.

Answer 3

I don't think I can say anything different than what people just said, but I think you need to hear more replies even if they are the same to make you more sure about it.

She's so materialistic and if she loved you she would have accepted whatever ring you bring her, and if she is not supportive and understanding about the ring then how can she be supportive and understanding throughout marriage? You may get into financial problems during marriage, you think her attitude about the ring is an indicator she could leave you if you have a financial problem during marriage? Or that she is so shallow?

Apparently, she cares about appearances and showing off more than important things in a relationship or life.

Walk away, that's the best you can do. Good Luck!

Answer 4

This girl is materialistic run now! I just got engaged a month ago. I know from looking at rings that you can always upgrade later if you buy it from the right place, some places will allow diamond upgrades forever

This girl does not have true love for you or a copper wire on her finger would be enough. Judging by her adittude it will never be enough and you will always be scronging for money to buy her the best things to please her. It should never be about the ring, it should be about the love. DO NOT MARRY THIS LADY!

My fiance picked out my ring all by himself and it would not mean as much to me if I would have picked it out. He knew my ring size and he took care of things. I would have settle for anything because I love him, however I did get a top of the line ring because we can afford it and I never specified what I was, except white gold or plat, I dont like yellow gold.

If you still want to go ehead with this I would suggest on getting a low grade diamond, you can get a big one for cheap this way and other people will never be the wiser.

Word to the wise, girls a gold digger pal. :)

Answer 5

Im sorry but what a bit#ch when me and my hubby got engaged I knew he didnt have much money at the time so i pointed out all the rings i liked making sure that they were all in his budget, at the end of the day theres nothing worse than making a man feel inadequate and useless, yes I would have loved a big huge diamond but I got a smalle elegant ring like I chose and I was happy and so was he,
Dont worry he made up for it later now he has lots of money he bought me a huge beautifull eternity ring for my birthday
I think your girlfriend is out of order and acting like a spoilt cow, if you really want to please her though why dont you put what yu have down as a deposit and pay when you can, but i wouldnt if you give in to her now she will lose her respect for you good luck xx
ps remind her that people dont get married for a shiny ring or a big wedding cake its what the marriage is for xx

Answer 6

I think she sounds like a spoiled brat. I have never been big on jewelry myself but even if I was I would never act like that. Why start your marriage off going into debt for a ring. The ring is a symbol of your marriage not how much somebody loves you. If it is that important to her suggest she pays the difference. If she doesn't budge or gives you a hard time take it as a warning. Many marriages fall apart due to financial differences and are the topic for many heated arguments. Good luck.

Answer 7

This may not be the answer your looking for but... If she truely loves you then material things shouldn't matter!!! She should also be understanding about the money situation, instead of insisting on which ring you should get she should say things like... "as long as I have you that's all I need" or "it's the thought that counts"... you appairently have a gold digger on your hands, either that or she is really shallow.

Answer 8

a million. i might take the fast highway through fact i'm hectic to work out him. 2. 10 purple to symbolize our love and10 white to symbolize the purity of it. 3. i could be well mannered and say that i'll get him myself. 4. i might depart one in all each on the mattress and something i might put in a vase by potential of the window. 5. he's asleep so i'm getting into mattress with him and snuggle up next to him and gently kiss him to wake him. he's pleasantly shocked. 6. I take the good way domicile so as that i will appreciate the techniques we made the evening previously.

Answer 9

If she's going to be this much trouble over an engagement ring then it sound like she's not the one for you. My engagement ring is only a quarter of a karat and it's plenty big enough for me. My husband gave me a diamond and saphire jacket to go with it for our first aniversary.

For only being 24 you sound like a financially responsible guy. Your girlfriend needs to either conform to this or you need to get a new girlfriend. Difference over finances only get worse when you get married.

Answer 10

I think you need to do some thinking about this one. Do you really think she's the one? If she really loved you, then the money wouldn't matter. My boyfriend is also going through college as am I. We don't spend a lot of money on eachother. Yet we both use other ways to show each other we care and love one another. It sounds to me that she just wants the best of things and that's not good my friend. Think about it.. and good luck!!