I recently found out that my fiance has been contacting escorts just out of curiosity (so he says).?

Question

This has been tearing me apart for the last 4 weeks or more. i know that i'm very insecure and maybe i'm reading more into it, but i want someone elses opinion. This is the man i'm planning to marry but i dont want to spend the rest of my life worried thar he might be unfaithful. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Does anyone have any suggestions for me?

Answer 1

In my experience of these situations, you need to trust your instincts and be strong. This man has cheated on you and if he hasn't he was thinking about it which is still very bad. I'm sorry, but when he said he was contacting them "out of curiosity" its quite blatantly a lie. I've seen two many women suspect that their boyfriend is cheating but then accept some crappy lie and then try to move on which is always impossible. I have a friend who discovered text messages on her boyfriend’s phone from other women. He insisted they were just friends and girls from work so she took him back and they bought a house together. Literally days before they were due to move in, she found out he had been cheating on her for a bout a year with about 5 or 6 different girls - two of which were her friends. Then another girl I know, she found her boyfriend had been talking to a particular phone number a lot on their phone bill, she rang to see who it was and a woman answered but in his mobile phone book, he had the woman's number under a mans name. When she confronted him, he said she was a girl from work and that he'd put her name under a mans name because she (his girlfriend) would get angry at him?! Turns out he had three other women on the go at the time. The list of examples I could mention could go on but really what I’m trying to say is trust your instincts. Fair enough if you want to forgive him and move on but do not marry him whilst there is even a tiny ammount of doubt in your mind.

Answer 2

Trust your instincts, you know that it isn't right or you wouldn't be asking this question. You deserve so much better, get out now while you still have your dignity, if he's contacting escorts then you have done exactly the right thing by asking yourself why, you know deep down that his answer is not only a lie but an insult to your intelligence. If he loved you, he would not be interested in sleeping with any other women, for any reason. Ask yourself how you would feel if you found out a year from now that he was sleeping with an escort, you'd be devastated and feel you'd wasted a year of your life with him, don't let him make you feel that you're wrong to be worried about this, you're not, look at all the other replies, the men agree too. You're worth better than that.

Answer 3

You have asnwered your own question.
You do not want to be with a man for the rest of
your life always worrying that he is being unfaithful
to you.
It is no wonder you feel insecure. It is your fiance
that has made you feel that way. He should be treating
you like a princess that he adores.
'Out of Curiosity' - thats a good one. And one that is
used a lot when Paedophiles get found out after looking
at and downloading pictures of the net.
Ask what he is getting of them that you can,t give him.
I could not stay in this relationship - because he shows
no remorse.
Let him go and play with as many escorts as he want.
You get on with your life - then you will meet someone that
will love and cherish you. Good Luck.,

Answer 4

I found out my then, long-term boyfriend had applied to be a male escort! He had filled in the form saying he would travel up to 40 miles and escort anyone from 18-40 years old. He made up some similiar "just for fun" type story. I ended up staying with him for another year, only to find out that he slept with my sister and visited prostitutes (and had a secret love child). Real men DO NOT contact escorts for "curiosity" my fiance now would say that, and he is fantastic. However, I wouldn't have met him if it wasn't for the other, awful, boyfriend so sometimes things are bad but happen for a reason. If this man respected you he would not be contacting escorts for any reason. Trust me I KNOW.

Answer 5

I don't know if you guys have set a date for your marriage, but if you have, you need to postpone the wedding ASAP.

It seems obvious that you don't know enough about your fiance to go forward with the marriage. At the very least, he's been behaving deceptively towards you-- never a good sign. And what he's being deceptive about strikes right at the heart of what marriage is all about.

At the very least, it strikes me that you and your fiance need some serious prenuptial counseling. And you need to take a good hard look at your fiance and decide what your dealbreakers are-- the things about him and/or the way he relates to you that you cannot live with, that are sufficient cause to break the relationship up.

Please bear in mind that trying to change someone is an exercise in futility. This guy is who he is. You need to to learn who he is, really, and decide if that's the guy you want to marry.

Good luck.

Answer 6

Ok, its hard to believe but you have to be real to yourself. It isnt out of curiosity and even if it was then curiosity can and will only lead him to do with them what hes suppossed to be doing with you. I would lay low for a bit and see how many more times he contacts these escorts and you HAVE to approach him about this. Find out exactly what his problem is and if it continues then you cant go on like this. It will only be leaving you to have worse problems in the future. If hes capable of contacting escorts, god knows what else or who else he capable of doing. Dont sleep on it. Solve it now before its too late.

Answer 7

If your finance is turning to escorts, something is lacking in the relationship. Curiosity maybe the first time but it sounds as if he's a repeat offender so the same excuse doesn't fly. You shouldn't be "torn up" going into a marriage. Its unlikely his behavior or your thoughts will change. Not to mention your health may be at risk due to his curiosities. Do your self a favor, end it now and move on.

Answer 8

Since you had to 'FIND OUT' immediately there is a problem. If he had thought it all okay he would have told you he was going to do this. You have every reason to worry and don't listen to any of his excuses. It is not right being judgemental since I don't know all the reasons or know the two of you but you must ask yourself are you really going to trust him now? If you have any doubts postpone the weddding and don't even contemplate a wedding date until you are absolutely confident this or nothing elses that you have to 'FIND OUT' about is ever likely to happen again. Maybe a the moment you don't agree but it is better finding him out now than after your married. Good luck.

Answer 9

I was in a relationship that was similar, he registered himself on dating websites and swingers site "just for a laugh, nothing in it" and in the next breath he was saying he wanted to marry me. It made me very worried and upset. I'm insecure myself and I ended up finding myself checking up on him and I just couldn't trust him, and really had good reason not to (text messages, pictures etc).

I can't tell you what to do, I wish I could. All I can say is that I WAS in a relationship like that, I'm not anymore. I just couldn't trust him and I knew it would end up making me ill.

I'd like to add because he also uses yahoo answers, that in the end he left me and it was over something else but I think the fact I didn't trust him didn't help.

Answer 10

You seriously believe that this guy has been contacting escorts for the hell of it? Come on, get a grip. NOBODY contacts escorts for anything other than to pay a woman for her "services". Everyone knows what an escort does, there's no curiosity about it. By asking you to marry him he's committing himself to you for life. The question is, do you really want to be committed to somebody who contacts escorts or someone that will love you unconditionally? Get rid of him. Now.