still not feeling like a mum?

Question

i gave birth to my son 13months ago, i,ve been given anti-deprssents but i still feel like i dont share a bond with him, i love him so much so why cant i feel like his mum?

Answer 1

can i just say you are a brave woman to tell us you feel this way, i felt exactly the same and couldnt tell anyone because i felt ashamed and felt everyone would know what a terrible person i was for not having that special bond with my child. when i was on anti-depressants, yes they made some of the deppression go away, but they seamed to stop all my feelings, not just the bad but also the good feelings, i wasnt crying all the time like before but i was NEVER happy, more numb than anything. in the end i took myself off them. that wasnt the end, just the start of a very long and difficult time for me, you just have to persevere and keep hoping for the best. things will gradually get better, small steps lead to big change. my son is 3 now, and im finally feeling like a mum and starting to bond. i think its been easier as hes grown coz i can now interact with him and see the enjoyment he gets from our alone time. everyone expects mother and child to have this amazing bond from the minute they are born, but it really doesnt happen this way. just know you are not alone out there, it can feel a lonely place to be but things will begin to get better. maybe another trip to the doctor is in order to see if your medication is suited to you, and just try to spend as much time as possible with your little one. as with all relationships, it will grow and evolve. keep your head high and best of luck. x

Answer 2

I think this is a lot to do with your mind set.
These are very simple and very effective tecniques
When your baby cries, say to your son, 'Next door can't hear you, can you be a bit louder'
Everytime you look at your baby say 'You are beautiful'
'Hello mummies little boy'
There are probably people reading this thinking - that woman has lost the plot - but this positive talk converts to positive thinking, and as you learn to be more positive, your baby will pick up on this.
Anyother good thing to bond you both is baby sign language, do a google search on it, you won't believe how this brings you both together.
The anti-depressants - in my experience - only masks the problem, positive thought is much more effective and healthy.
You have nothing to lose by giving it a try
And by the way, after 13 years, I still don't feel worthy enough to be a mum to my beautiful children. There will always by the thought 'Am I a good enough mum'

Answer 3

I know i am a guy but i am also a parent of three girls.

I think the anti depressants may be making you worse.
Just sit down on your own in a dark room, put some soothing music on and think about how you feel about your child. Think about how much he is dependant on you, when he needs you i bet you are always there. I can tell you, YOU are a great mother.
If you can have a break from being a mother, have some u time. Go to the gym and get rid of some of that pent up stress.

Answer 4

Because you are on the anti depressants and aren't getting the support you need. You should also be in counseling and you should join up with other mums at the park or community center. You need to be out and about with the baby so you see how other mums handle the stress and you can talk about the stages your children are going through. Many mums try to go it alone - don't it is hard enough to be a mum you need the support and community of other mums. Try to join up with other mum groups for play dates for your child and talk time for you it can make a world of difference. Good Luck!

Answer 5

As soon as your son starts talking pretty good I'm sure you'll feel like more of a mom. I love my daughter more than anything else in the world but I didnt feel like I had a very strong bond with her until she started talking. Now she talks my ear off and I realize we have a good strong bond when she says things like I love you, kissy or huggy.

Answer 6

What people forget is you spend nine months with the baby inside and that you should bond not automatically not so.I miscarried my first child and my second pregnancy was full of dread and fear never enjoyed it and like you ended up the same.But give it time and if you have a second child and you feel different you will be amazed how close you become with your first.Trust me mine are 14 and 10 now.Dont give up your not alone x

Answer 7

You love him very much, so the fact that you don't feel like a mum is probably not that significant. I have three kids - twins of 11 and another of 15. I sometimes don't feel like a mum. In fact, thinking yourself of as a mum can be quite scary. Relax and take things as they come - you are doing well!

Answer 8

You love him so much! doesn't sound like someone who hasn't bonded to me!
Don't fret sometimes post natal depression can turn your brain against yourself, it's probably all to do with postnatal depression and the tablets, stop letting this thought worry you, the more you do, the more fuel you give it to stay a problem, everytime it bothers you try and change your thought process or try to make yourself realise it's the depression thats making you think like this, eventually this feeling will dry up and things will get better I promise!

Answer 9

What does a mum feel like? People are all different and relate differently. Your son knows you love him - work on your relationship and think about how you bond - you will surprise yourself at how close you are - enjoy being yourself and feel good about yourself!

Answer 10

aqwe hon it sounds as tho u need more than anti-depressants it sounds as tho u need to speak to a councellor or someone who can help u talk thru ur feelings and start to create the bond that u so want to have, just remember that this is not ur fault it unfortunatly happens to a few mothers, good luck and i hope u get that bond soon xx