Well, the best man was his father, the 7 yr. old nephew was a groomsmen, and the sister-in-law was a bridesmaid. They backed out because they did not agree that we were getting married away. They were for it until the groom didn't call them for a week. And what about the 7yr old not going to his uncle's wedding. How devistating is that to him, since it was talked up for 9mths? We tried talking and his dad said I would understand if you did not talk to us again but that is your choice not ours. The dad also said I am immune to feeling guilty and showed no remorse. The Mother and sister in law are lonely and started this whole thing. They stated the groom doesn't put enough effort in to the family because he doesn't call or stop in a weeks time. The longest was a week-n-1/2 time. The mother tries to be real controlling and when she doesn't get her way she talks bad about us, ignores us, and puts stress on us until we give in. What do we do?
2007-02-22 02:35:25 · 5 answers · asked by june 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Neither my parents or my husband's parents thought we should marry. They thought we were too young and wouldn't last. 13 years later we're still married. Don't let anyone else tell you wether or not you should marry or how you should do it. If his parents want to opt out of the wedding then that is their loss. It sounds like it would be better not to have anything to do with them. They complain their son doesn't keep in touch enough, do they? Are they expecting him to do the entire running around? Do they realise that you are planing a wedding and how much time it takes up? I have a friend who had problems with her mother-in-law right from the start. It got so bad that she even tried to take her children away because she thought she knew better how they should be raised and there was nothing wrong with my friend's child raising abilities. The only problem was a control freak for a mother-in-law. I'm not suggesting that your mother-in-law is that bad, but I am suggesting that you start out the way you plan to continue. If you do not want your mother-in-law to run your life, make sure right now that she does not run your life. Let your fiancee's family know firmly but politely that you would both like them there but it is of course their choice. That you are sure you will think of some explanation when your children that you will eventually have want to know why they weren't there. ;) If your fiancee has no worries about them not being there, do not take them on board for him. They are his family, let him deal with them. You do not want to be caught in the middle. With the way they are carrying on it sounds like it is going to be a better wedding without them there anyway. Don't let them spoil it for you. You and your fiancée have made the decision to marry and it is only the two of you whose opinion counts in this decision. Best of luck and I hope you have a great day.
2007-02-22 02:51:56 · answer #1 · answered by Avril P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Our parents bring us into this world, teach us right and wrong, and help us grow up to be self supporting human beings. Once we hit adult hood, it's time to start our own family and start the cycle over again.
Their part is done and they need to stop trying to control you and your fiance. You and he are ready to start a life and family together.
Unfortunately, you can not control the way they feel and their selfish and controlling behaviour. Don't waste your time trying to change them from non-supportive to supportive. Focus your energy on the new life ahead of you. If they chose not to be a part of it, then they can be the ones to miss out.
Remember, you have the control over you life, don't let them take that from you. I'm a firm believer that if a friend, family member, or any person is an unhealthy addition to my life, I don't include them in my life until they are a healthy addition.
2007-02-22 10:45:50 · answer #2 · answered by Jennifer 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You two are in for a lot of misery if you keep trying to communicate with people who don't have a listening ear, but calculate what they're going to say (and accuse you of) next.
If Hubby2Be loves his family, and visits them when it feels right for him (not because of trying to shut them up), then that's all they get and THEY (mom) need to wake up.
We moms have to let our babies live their own lives. If we raised them even HALF right, they'll keep in touch. We can no longer dictate (like when they were younger and at home) what that looks like, we need to be gracious and take what is given. It's okay to request, hint, express joy and the like, but we can't demand. She's got a husband to dink with, too bad she's still pulling on her son's heartstrings this way.
Family counseling for the two of you will give you perspective and options (and backbone!) for handling this sticky situation.
Congratulations! Pick your friends and other loved ones to make your wedding the joy it's meant to be.
2007-02-22 10:45:58 · answer #3 · answered by Zeera 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I agree with the first person who said if you give in on this one, you'll have to give in on the next one. His mom and the sis in law need to basically grow up here and get a life. Your fiance is an adult, right? As a parent, you let your adult children make their own decisions, and support those decisions whether you agree with them or not, especially when your adult child gets married. This is one of the happiest moment's in their sons life, and they are casting a pall on it due to their own selfish behavior. What you and your fiance have to do (well, mostly him, but it definitely affects you too) is get past it. Tell yourselves over and over that if they are CHOOSING to not support you guys, then that is THEIR CHOICE, it has nothing to do with any decision you guys have or have not made. His mother may be a controlling b**ch, but you don't have to let her control you, and you shouldn't. You guys are a family in your own right now, YOUR family comes first. Your parents and siblings fall under the heading of "extended family" now. You simply cannot give in to your future mother in law, because every time you do, she'll think she can get away with it. So hold your ground on this one. You would LOVE for his family to share your joy on your wedding day, but if they choose not to, then that's their problem. You guys have your wonderful wedding and move on with your lives. Try not to harbor resentment towards his family--MUCH easier said than done here.
Also, on dealing with his family...YOU don't. You let him handle it. He's the one who grew up with them, he's their "blood" relative here, you're "just" the in-law. Any issues with his family, he handles, any issues with yours, you handle. People may get angry if they don't like what they're being told by a family member, but when they're told that by an "in-law" they get REALLY peoed!!
I sincerely hope his family comes to their senses, and realizes how damaging to the future relationship with their son/brother their behavior is being. This will hurt him badly if they continue. But please have a wonderful wedding day in spite of that! Don't let selfish people ruin your happiness!!!! Best of luck to you both!
2007-02-22 10:58:17 · answer #4 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to go through the wedding without them. You have no other choice, really. If you cave on this, they will expect you to cave on the next thing, and the next, and the next after that. It's a shame that they aren't supportive, and it's sad that they've made the choice to not support your marriage or be a part of your lives, but it's the choice that they've made. They'll have to live with it.
2007-02-22 10:44:19 · answer #5 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋